Loss of 'virginity' and such

[stranded247]

My boyfriend and I were about to have sex last night but neither of us had protection on us so we didn't. Both of us are virgins and have been going out for about two months. Two months isn't a long time, I know. But we both love eachother and if I'm honest I'm pretty damn sure I'm ready and I know he is for a fact. In fact it was me who initiated the taking off all clothes. I can tell he's really pleased at my lack of prudity. But at the same time I'm not sure whether I should conform to societies social norms and make him wait to have sex with me just because its more 'socially acceptable' to sleep with him for the first time after a longer period of time. We talked about it last night and he was asking me if I was sure about it and he told me he didn't want me to feel any pressure and that he had no problem at all waiting for me. So I said to him that I couldn't guarantee if I was sure but that I wanted to but also warned him that I might wake up tomorrow and change my mind because losing your virginity is so hyped up and I might freak out.

 

But I woke up and I havn't freaked out. The thing is before last night I told him that although I was ready for sex I wanted to hold off for a little while, not a long time just maybe a month or two. But last night I just got caught in the moment and completely changed my mind because I realised I only wanted to hold it off because of what people think e.g. 'losing your virginity after only dating two months is too short a period of time, don't know eachother well enough yet, its slightly 'loose' of me, you might regret it' yada yada.

 

Anyway I'm just a little confused, I am ready, thats not an issue, I just wonder what you more experienced 'non-virgins' have to say about the matter? Last night I told him that we should just see how things go. And he agreed but also said he'd be prepared next time, just in case.

[ButterflyWrists]

everyones different. and everyone has different values and oppinions. my personal one, is if you are ready and want it, then go for it.

 

edit, your 17, im not sure where u live, but if its america, then by law you cant have sex.

[lost1607307474]

I think you should not worry about what society's norms are, nor should you worry about pleasing him with your lack of prudery. You should just worry about whether you are ready. With sex comes a lot of responsibility - there is the possibility of getting STIs as well as the possibility of getting pregnant when you have sex (protection doesn't always work.) It's a matter of whether you are ready to take on these responsibilities. You and your boyfriend sound like you are fairly committed to each other, you're seventeen years old, and you sound mature. You shouldn't feel the need to put it off just because of what other people will think. Just think about your needs and your readiness.

[stranded247]

everyones different. and everyone has different values and oppinions. my personal one, is if you are ready and want it, then go for it.

 

edit, your 17, im not sure where u live, but if its america, then by law you cant have sex.

 

I live in London, the age of consent here is 16.

[lost1607307474]

I live in London, the age of consent here is 16.

 

I'm pretty sure that's the age of consent here, too. Anyway, as I said in my post up there ^^^ you sound mature, and ready, and I wouldn't hold back just because you're afraid of what others will think of you. It's a perfectly, natural normal thing at your age and in modern society.

[top bloke]

Are you really ready? Are you really ready? Youre just kids!!?? Or am I missing something? Enjoy your innocence ? Have you?

[lost1607307474]

Are you really ready? Are you really ready? Youre just kids!!?? Or am I missing something? Enjoy your innocence ? Have you?

 

She's 17. This is a perfectly healthy age to start having sexual relationships. I started having sex when I was 17 and I did not regret it, felt I was ready, and knew afterwards that it was the right decision and that I was ready. The OP sounds mature, and safe. And if she's ready to take on the responsibilities that sex entails I don't see the problem.

 

She said she wanted to put off having sex simply because she was worried about what others would think of her. And you're one of those others right now I think she shouldn't worry what others believe about when it is time to have sex, and just go by how SHE feels about it and if SHE thinks she is ready.

[top bloke]

She's 17. This is a perfectly healthy age to start having sexual relationships. I started having sex when I was 17 and I did not regret it, felt I was ready, and knew afterwards that it was the right decision and that I was ready. The OP sounds mature, and safe. And if she's ready to take on the responsibilities that sex entails I don't see the problem.

 

She said she wanted to put off having sex simply because she was worried about what others would think of her. And you're one of those others right now I think she shouldn't worry what others believe about when it is time to have sex, and just go by how SHE feels about it and if SHE thinks she is ready.

 

I am starting to sound like my dad I still feel its a bit young though..

[anya1607307555]

Anyway I'm just a little confused, I am ready, thats not an issue, I just wonder what you more experienced 'non-virgins' have to say about the matter? Last night I told him that we should just see how things go. And he agreed but also said he'd be prepared next time, just in case.

 

If you are so sure you're ready, why would you 'just see how things go'? Sounds vague and non-committal to me, too much room for regret. If there's any doubt, for whatever reason, I would advise you to wait.

[FeelingWoozy]

Well, it already doesn't sound like anyone will agree with me on the subject, but I'm not a fan of how "modern society" works & I still believe in sex being something you should share with one person, the person you marry. This fits in with my Christian beliefs, but it's also something I've just always felt about this topic.

 

I didn't manage to do this myself, and quite honestly there is nothing I regret more in my life. I feel that sex has become something so easy & unspecial, something just for fun, when it should be so much more.. a commitment between two people. People don't take into account how it might affect future relationships- jealousy, comparisons etc.

 

But especially in your situation I agree with lost! that "ready" doesn't just refer to wanting the act.. but being able to handle the possible consquences of it, such as STD's or pregnancy. It isn't something that should be taken lightly.

 

Good luck anyway

[agburns84]

Feeling Woozy, I totally agree with you on this, I wish there were more who held that view of sex being something more special and sacred to a person rather than something that gets treated cheaply. I'm more in favour of the "hold on" approach, but I believe whether someone is ready or not is a personal matter between them and the person they are with. It's OK if you are, it's OK if you're not.

[stranded247]

Well, it already doesn't sound like anyone will agree with me on the subject, but I'm not a fan of how "modern society" works & I still believe in sex being something you should share with one person, the person you marry. This fits in with my Christian beliefs, but it's also something I've just always felt about this topic.

 

I didn't manage to do this myself, and quite honestly there is nothing I regret more in my life. I feel that sex has become something so easy & unspecial, something just for fun, when it should be so much more.. a commitment between two people. People don't take into account how it might affect future relationships- jealousy, comparisons etc.

 

I respect your opinion as its rare to come accross such traditional values these days. But its not mine, I don't regard sex lightly but at the same time I think virginity and losing it is very over hyped into something its not. A lot of people experience dissapointment because they expect it to be something its not. While you may have regretted not waiting until marriage, I know that I will never regret that because its just not part of my beliefs nor do I regret much depsite having done a lot of unwise and foolish things. But I agree sex has become something very casual which is somewhat sad but I still think marriage or not it is still an act of commitment and love between two people, people in marriages can have sex and it will have little meaning because they don't love eachother. I think its more important to look at the relationship than the actual titles and labels that surround it.

What do you mean by jealousy and comparisons in future relationships?

[Fionnuala]

I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend after we'd only been together about a month and a half. I don't really regret having sex with him, but I do wish I had waited longer. I thought I was ready at the time, but I really wasn't. It brought up a lot of issues in the relationship because I wasn't prepared for how I would feel afterwards.

 

That being said, I don't think the fact that it isn't "socially acceptable" is a reason not to do something. 17 seems kind of young to me, and I do think it's generally better to wait until you've been with a person for a long time and have a solid commitment to one another before having sex, but if you are truly comfortable with it and ready for the responsibility that sex brings, then you should do it. It doesn't really matter what other people think, it only matters what the two of you think.

[top bloke]

Virginity is something to be respected in my culture. Some treat it like a softdrink instead of something special

[MD Geist]

Your young atleast your not my age still and a virgin.

 

Once you hit my age people start thinking of you diffrently.

[Cognitive_Canine]

If you are asking, I would say that you aren't ready.

 

Don't wait to have sex because of social norms. Actually, a lot more people have it sooner than later.

 

Wait because you want to wait. Or have sex because you want to have sex.

 

I would vote for waiting longer as you don't seem ready. Ready would mean that you wouldn't be asking for other's opinions on the subject.

[Daria_Lane]

Um I dont think losing virginity just to say "to hell with you" to society is the right way to go or to impress a bf by seeming "non prudish"

'

 

You do it cos you believe you are ready, not cos you wanna seem above society/.

 

Peronally never understood the whole "I'm using my body to rebel against society" mindeset we have nowadays. It's depressing

[Daria_Lane]

I

What do you mean by jealousy and comparisons in future relationships?

 

You havent seen couples fight over how many people their SOs have been with prior?

 

People fighting over how the so before was better in bed than the other, comparing body parts, etc.

 

It's pathetic.

[addictedblue]

I think you should wait a little longer. I lost it after only dating a guy for like a month, very very stupid, but I had the same mindset as you. I was thinking, psh, losing the virginity isn't such a huge deal, I felt ready and wanted to just get it over with and see what sex was all about since it's talked about so much. I really regretted it because sex really does change a lot about the relationship between the two people.

 

Right now, after two months, there's still some mystery with you and your boyfriend. You haven't gone all the way yet. After you do, you'll have gotten the closest you can physically get with someone, for the first time, after only dating him for two months. Maybe it'll be wonderful, and you'll learn and grow with each other sexually. Or, it could happen like me, and things would turn all weird, and the relationship gets ruined. Be careful.

 

Oh and I recommend getting the pill. I don't know how worrisome you are, but I did it recently without being on the pill, and was so worried I was pregnant, even though it wasn't very plausible that I was. It was just so scary, I even went as far as buying a pregnancy test, before I even missed my period. You'll feel more at ease if you know you have the birth control pill in your system.

[user1988]

Makes me feel bad, I lost my virginity after 3 weeks of dating my bf. I didn't even lose it to my ex of 2.5 yrs yet I lost it to him in 3 weeks. Do I regret it? No, because we're still together. So I guess it's up to you, as long as you feel it's right then it's no one's place to put a time line on it.

[lost1607307474]

You havent seen couples fight over how many people their SOs have been with prior?

 

People fighting over how the so before was better in bed than the other, comparing body parts, etc.

 

It's pathetic.

 

Personally I've never experienced this and if couples behave like this it's really pretty immature. Sex isn't about comparing who is better in bed than who, and comparing 'numbers' of how many people they have been with. If people behave like this than obviously they aren't ready to take on the maturity level which should accompany sex.

[Daria_Lane]

Personally I've never experienced this and if couples behave like this it's really pretty immature. .

 

Like I said. It's pathetic.

 

Some people cant handle some things, sadly.

[stranded247]

Like I said. It's pathetic.

 

Some people cant handle some things, sadly.

 

I can assure you my boyfriend and I wouldn't stoop to that. Neither of us have had past sexual partners anyway...nor are we that immature.

[girl68]

But we both love eachother and if I'm honest I'm pretty damn sure I'm ready and I know he is for a fact. I said to him that I couldn't guarantee if I was sure but that I wanted to but also warned him that I might wake up tomorrow and change my mind because losing your virginity is so hyped up and I might freak out.

 

 

Anyway I'm just a little confused, I am ready, thats not an issue, I just wonder what you more experienced 'non-virgins' have to say about the matter? Last night I told him that we should just see how things go. And he agreed but also said he'd be prepared next time, just in case.

 

First you say you're damn sure you're ready.

Then you say I can't gaurentee that I am.

You go on to say I might regret it the next morning.

And lastly you say you're ready.

 

You're not ready. Nothing is worse than waking up the next morning with that regret you think you might feel. And nothing is worse for HIM than waking up and your gf is pissed/ sad/ remorseful/ regretful at you because you popped her cherry. When you're reafy- you'll just be ready. There will shouldn't be "am I ready?" questions, they will be "how, and what?" questions instead.

[stranded247]

First you say you're damn sure you're ready.

Then you say I can't gaurentee that I am.

You go on to say I might regret it the next morning.

And lastly you say you're ready.

 

You're not ready. Nothing is worse than waking up the next morning with that regret you think you might feel. And nothing is worse for HIM than waking up and your gf is pissed/ sad/ remorseful/ regretful at you because you popped her cherry. When you're reafy- you'll just be ready. There will shouldn't be "am I ready?" questions, they will be "how, and what?" questions instead.

 

I'm beggining to wonder what 'ready' even means. Is anyone ever truly ready for something? How can you be ready for something you no prior experience of? I mean sure you may think that you are ready but no one can be truly prepared for the unknown. Why does 'readiness' matter so much? Why is it the predominant factor, i mean sure you don't want to do something you're unwilling to do but if you want to do it then why not?