Getting through the loneliness

[Mandoro]

First of all, I have to give all of yall that have been in a relationship and are now single props, because I am feeling pretty lonely right now, but never been in a relationship, it must be killer for yall.

 

But yea, as the title suggests, every moment I am by myself I start thinking about how lonely I am. Ive used my friends to cover up that loneliness, by that I mean I hang out with them to keep it off my mind. As soon as we pack it in for the night, I think about it again.

 

Not sure if this counts as depression, there arent any suicidal thoughts so I dunno. I know this is the only place Ive talked about something like this. In life I keep up a strong front and dont show how messed up I am right now. It may have made me come off as desperate. Meh its 3am best get to bed...

[dr_styles]

If you've been following all the threads similar to these like I have being in a similar situation I'm sure you've covered all the same advice really, so I won't bother to repeat what I've read (and obviously I can't offer any being screwed myself).

 

As for whether you call it depression or not that has crossed my mind but it's also irrelevant. So what if you are or aren't at a "level" deemed to be medically depressed? To be honest I'd rather not even though I probably am at the level my life is being affected. It would just depress me even more to think that something so trivial in life is so hard and brings me down that much.

 

Anyway as boring and repetitive as the "me too" posts are on eNA, I find they do sorta help me a bit, so I'll do it again with my yes you are definitely not alone here, and good luck I guess, and to all of us.

[GoneCrazy]

I'm the same 20yrs old and never had a girlfriend. I go to forget about how lonely i can get. Even when i'm out i see couples and it makes it worse.

 

Worst of all i have fallen for a girl who i met over the web...i just about wrecked the friendship ](*,)

 

Word of advice my friend if you look for random girls on the web try and look for one thats close by where you live so you can see each other unlike me where we live on the otherside of the country

 

Day in day out this is always eating at me.

[odile]

First of all, I have to give all of yall that have been in a relationship and are now single props, because I am feeling pretty lonely right now, but never been in a relationship, it must be killer for yall.

 

Actually, some relationships are pretty crappy, and it's much better to be alone than with the wrong company.

You're only 20, so there's still plenty of time for you to find romance.

 

Just out of curiosity, do you know many women, or do you mostly hang out with dudes?

 

But yea, as the title suggests, every moment I am by myself I start thinking about how lonely I am. Ive used my friends to cover up that loneliness, by that I mean I hang out with them to keep it off my mind. As soon as we pack it in for the night, I think about it again.

 

Not sure if this counts as depression, there arent any suicidal thoughts so I dunno. I know this is the only place Ive talked about something like this. In life I keep up a strong front and dont show how messed up I am right now. It may have made me come off as desperate. Meh its 3am best get to bed...

 

Thinking about how lonely you are is the worst thing that you can do for loneliness.

Sorry, I know that's obvious advice.

It seems like you have the right attitude though; spending time with friends rather than moping, staying active (playing basketball), and your posts/profile indicate that you have a good sense of humor, and are probably someone that's fun to be around.

(The classic SNL sig, Kool-aid Guy avatar, and some of the stuff you'd posted has made me smile)

 

I'm not sure if I get the impression of depression from you; it's possible to be bummed about something without being depressed. Then again, it's possible to be so 'sunny' on the outside that nobody can tell how down you feel inside. If the lonely feelings become more pervasive (for example, if you start feeling lonely even while with friends), or if you really just have trouble shaking the lonely feelings, maybe a counselor could be a really good person to talk about things.

[Mandoro]

Just out of curiosity, do you know many women, or do you mostly hang out with dudes?

Well the group I hang out with there are 6 of us 3 guys and 3 girls. During the week I just hang out with my brother who is one of the 3 guys. We have a coed basketball team so I know other people through that and past groups, but that is my main group

 

Thinking about how lonely you are is the worst thing that you can do for loneliness.

I try not to think about it, its just where my mind wanders off too. Like right now, most of my friends are out of town for spring break. There is one guy here and we have hung out and watched some of the tourney and went to the rec and played some ball, but ya cant spend all your time with your friends. Ive had alot of alone time, so my mind has wandered that way a few times.

 

What Ive started to do is if it happens. Either turn on a movie, some music, or just go on a drive because if I think about it for more than 5 minutes it will turn to the friend I like. I dont think she likes me, so im trying to get rid of those feelings.

 

It seems like you have the right attitude though; spending time with friends rather than moping, staying active (playing basketball), and your posts/profile indicate that you have a good sense of humor, and are probably someone that's fun to be around.

Thanks, I know im trying its tough. I know with my humor there are times when I feel I am being obnoxious. The problem is past my jokes I have no way to communicate with people. If I cant make a joke Im a quiet guy. Ive just been lucky enough to be able to make a joke about damn near anything. Im not saying I cant converse, I can do the basic hey how are you things, but past that I have nothing. I dont have anything that goes on in my life. I play basketball and go to school

 

it's possible to be so 'sunny' on the outside that nobody can tell how down you feel inside

I can see this. One because I lived in a house being just raised by my mom and she never showed emotion (besides love and caring of course) to us. I know one day I came home and saw she had some new pills (she has pills for arthritis and other stuff). I asked what they were for and when she told me depression, it was like I had completely been blind sided. So i think its been imprinted in my mind that it just isnt something you show. Two, If Im down, it brings my friends down and they wont want to hang out with me because they dont want to be down.

[odile]

I think you sound like someone who's got a good head on his shoulders.

 

Your sense of humor and positive attitude will serve you well in your life.

Hopefully you'll outgrow the "obnoxious" jokes that you're telling us about (It's okay, you're young yet! ), and keep the rest

because one of the most attractive qualities (I think), is a good sense of humor.

 

The basketball group sounds fantastic.

However, if you start feeling like maybe you'd like to expand your circle of friends, it might do you some good to get out there and meet some new people, too.

I say this because sometimes getting out and about amongst new folks can help remind us that there really are plenty of fish in the sea, which is something that can be easily forgotten when we see the same faces day in and day out.

[odile]

I can see this. One because I lived in a house being just raised by my mom and she never showed emotion (besides love and caring of course) to us. I know one day I came home and saw she had some new pills (she has pills for arthritis and other stuff). I asked what they were for and when she told me depression, it was like I had completely been blind sided. So i think its been imprinted in my mind that it just isnt something you show. Two, If Im down, it brings my friends down and they wont want to hang out with me because they dont want to be down.

 

Your mom is your mom, which means she felt that, as a caregiver and a parent, she had a responsibility not to burden you, her children.

 

It's different with friends, because you are not their parents, your their peer.

Talking to your closest friends can be a really great thing.

If they wanted entertainment they'd go to a show. Friendship is different, it's more dynamic than that, so there should not be a reason to feel the need to always 'perform'.

 

If you're a constant whinger who never takes the advise given, then that's another story (you don't seem like that type at all, though)-- but otherwise,

honestly, if it helps my friend to have someone listen, I'm glad to be there for them.

[odile]

Oh, and btw-- you say that you don't have anything going on in your life besides "basketball and school"...

Well, are there any other things that you love doing, and/or wish that you could do?

[Mandoro]

I dont think Ive ever felt the need to expand my circle, it just seems to happen. Like the group I am with now was actually the product of a bigger group. That bigger groups was also a product of an even bigger group that I became apart of my freshman year. Oh and sure there are plenty of fish in the sea, Im just looking for that dorkfish

 

Its funny you say that about being their parent because I feel a responsibility to look out for them. If we ever go anywhere I drive, if anyone doesnt have money for dinner I cover for them, if anyone needs any help of any kind I help them the best way I can. I have actually talked to one of the other girls about a few "problems" of mine, something ive been reluctant to do so its a big step.

 

I dont think of it as performing as much as me connecting with my friends, because like I said there is no other way for me to talk really. I can either joke around or be the quiet guy who says next to nothing.

 

I had to look whinger up btw, UD ftw. As far as other things I want to do. Nothing on a regular basis. Ive always wanted to do the "adrenaline junkie" stuff like skydive, bungee jump, stuff like that. But that is something Id want to do with that special someone, plus Im strapped for cash since Im a college student. Im really just all about the people I have around me.

[Mandoro]

Yea, im doin well. Been keepin myself busy with studying and playing basketball with my friends. There will be a time or two ill think about it. But I just try and get away from it.

 

Lol, my dorkfish comment is from Bill Engvall stand up.

 

Im just now "discovering" Monty python, I used to think it wasnt my kind of humor, but some of it is actually pretty funny