MJ23 Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Is it normal to have a crush on someone while you are dating someone else? If you know you will never act on said "crush". I guess I know being "attracted" to someone else is sometimes normal, but what about having a crush on another person (if you know you will never act on these feelings and you don't even want them)? Link to comment
Beautiful Nightmare Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Yes, it's normal. But I think if you value your relationship, you'll put space between you and this person. The last thing you need is for this crush to develope into more. Link to comment
Binoo Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I've never had a crush while in a relationship with someone else. But I know of a lot of people that do. So, I'm sure it's normal. Link to comment
COtuner Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Yeah, I'm assuming it's normal because it's happened to me a lot. It's more of a fantasy thing and I don't feel the urge to act on it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 The minute someone develops a crush on someone else while in a relationship, I would say that they should start looking deep into their relationship and figure out what is lacking that they would start crushing on someone else. I would not trivialize a crush by saying "oh, it's normal". No it is not normal, it is not healthy and it does a grave disservice to your relationship because your mind is thinking of someone else and is excited to see someone else, not your partner. So think long and hard about your current relationship and what may be lacking that has caused you to crush on someone else...then instead of focusing your energies and mind on this crush, focus it back on your partner. Link to comment
MJ23 Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 The minute someone develops a crush on someone else while in a relationship, I would say that they should start looking deep into their relationship and figure out what is lacking that they would start crushing on someone else. I would not trivialize a crush by saying "oh, it's normal". No it is not normal, it is not healthy and it does a grave disservice to your relationship because your mind is thinking of someone else and is excited to see someone else, not your partner. So think long and hard about your current relationship and what may be lacking that has caused you to crush on someone else...then instead of focusing your energies and mind on this crush, focus it back on your partner. This is great advice, and this is what I was worried about. My bf is great, but the one thing that is lacking is he is sometimes very cold and distant emotionally and I am a person who craves affection (maybe too much...I don't know). The guy I sort of have a crush on, but really don't want to at ALL, is a very warm, very affectionate person. Nothing has gone on and nothing wil with this other person. But I wish I didn't ever feel this way, because I know my bf won't change and I don't want crushes on every affectionate person I meet Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 The minute someone develops a crush on someone else while in a relationship, I would say that they should start looking deep into their relationship and figure out what is lacking that they would start crushing on someone else. I would not trivialize a crush by saying "oh, it's normal". No it is not normal, it is not healthy and it does a grave disservice to your relationship because your mind is thinking of someone else and is excited to see someone else, not your partner. So think long and hard about your current relationship and what may be lacking that has caused you to crush on someone else...then instead of focusing your energies and mind on this crush, focus it back on your partner. Exactly correct... I tried rep'ing you for it but it won't allow me to give you more points. Link to comment
COtuner Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 Probably right CAD, since I never did that while in the infatuation stage with my BFs. And so far, none of them have been "the one", even though they lasted between 3 and 5 years each, bar one. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 This is great advice, and this is what I was worried about. My bf is great, but the one thing that is lacking is he is sometimes very cold and distant emotionally and I am a person who craves affection (maybe too much...I don't know). The guy I sort of have a crush on, but really don't want to at ALL, is a very warm, very affectionate person. Nothing has gone on and nothing wil with this other person. But I wish I didn't ever feel this way, because I know my bf won't change and I don't want crushes on every affectionate person I meet Perhaps this is your wakeup call that you and your boyfriend are just not compatible. You can't change your boyfriend into a person who is emotionally warm and close. What you see is what you get...and since you need warmth and closeness this may not be the ideal match for you and that is why you developed this crush. Maybe it is now time to think about whether or not you want to continue the relationship with your boyfriend. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 It's completely normal if you are with someone longer than a couple of years. I have done it, most of my friends have done it, my bf has done it, my best friends husband has done it, like I said, it's normal. None of us would ever dream of acting on it, and I never have. Isn't it nice to know that even though your SO is attracted to someone else, they would never DREAM of acting on it. If someone says they have never done this, how do you know how they would react if they did one day become attracted to someone? My bf has no worries about that. I just apply my lust to the bedroom at home. This little trick has kept things HOT for ten years! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 If someone says they have never done this, how do you know how they would react if they did one day become attracted to someone? By the same token, how do you know if someone who keeps developing crushes on others while in a relationship may one day decide to act on the crush? I would be more concerned about the person who keeps getting crushes on someone else rather than the person who never got a crush on someone else. To me, just because you don't act on a crush doesn't mean it is not damaging to the relationship a person is in...because a crush means you get excited to see that new person, you might dress differently when you know you will see that person, you daydream about that person and imagine having sex with that person. The body may not be cheating, and there is no emotional affair, but the mind most certainly is cheating because thoughts and daydreams are focused on someone else you know personally rather than with the partner. Having passionate sex with your partner because you are lusting after someone else is not doing your partner any favours because while the body may be having sex with the partner, the mind is having sex with the crush. Link to comment
laisla Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 i've had crushes, but they weren't very sexual. it was mostly toward the smart guys, who i liked to listen to while they spoke, or i like their style, their cute faces, etc. i never wanted to get with anybody else...they never made my heart flutter.... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 i don't think your relationship is necessarily bad if you develop a crush. sure, always make sure your relationship is good, but it's perfectly normal to develop a crush. if you are constantly thinking about the person or wanting to act on it, definitely something is wrong. Link to comment
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