BusyNAbroad Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 When I feel that someone is not being honest or totally open with me, I either make some possible assumptions as to what might be the truth or - when it is really important to me (the person, or the matter that is lied about) - I embark on a personal investigation. My natural curiosity in many other fields such as scientific discovery, forgotten cultures and even modern-day matters that are veiled to common sense and common knowledge is thereby also extended to personal relationships. By doing so, I have quite often uncovered unfair intentions towards me, complete lies, solved some interpersonal conflicts (especially if they were reluctant or shy to tell me if they had an issue with me) and prevented others from doing nasty jokes... In the recent past I have created many methods to investigate several people that I found things that really shocked me. Sometimes I have investigated in ways that some (including people on this forum) wouldn't agree with my actions to the extent of labeling my actions as "stalkerish". I agree that legally speaking there is such a thing as the right to privacy. In practical life though, this is often used as a freedom to lie. I would like to ask everyone your non-legal opinion on this issue. Many argue that everyone is "entitled" to lie or to choose not to reveal information about themselves or their true intentions (personally, I think this is a quite stalkerish obscurity-favoring point). Don't you think that others are also entitled to know the truth about what happens around them, and what the people whom they interact with really do? If human beings simply had the ability to read each others' minds, we probably wouldn't have all these problems... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I think I have better things to do than to waste my time running around going through extreme lengths to figure out if someone is telling the truth...unless it really really impacts me that finding out the truth is crucial. I rarely run into those kind of "make it or break it" situations. Usually the people who are most distrustful of others and go to great lengths to spy, are themselves not the most trustworthy people...they are basically projecting their own negative character on others...basically it is the attitude "I am a liar and dishonest and therefore I believe everyone else is so I must drive myself crazy investigating everyone to catch them in their supposed lies". Link to comment
Caterina Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Yeah, thats too much stress for me. It takes time to earn my trust and most of my freinds are trustworthy people. I've been lied to before, but I don't have the time to sit around finding out if people are lying to me. I guess I'll just have to find out by being hurt by a lie. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I am too secure to do things that I believe you do. Those things can really make you an unattractive person, even more unattractive than someone who is not honest. If someone wants to hurt me, go ahead and try. I will not lower myself to snoop unless it has to do with 1.) My finances, or 2.) A prospective bf's past. Both of these you had better keep an eye on, especially other's interactions with you financially. Link to comment
deaxtime2 Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 Lying is really just denying a person to choose freely, or if you will manipulating. Link to comment
BusyNAbroad Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 I am too secure to do things that I believe you do. Those things can really make you an unattractive person, even more unattractive than someone who is not honest. What do you mean by unattractive, in this case? Could you provide an example? Link to comment
BusyNAbroad Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 I think I have better things to do than to waste my time running around going through extreme lengths to figure out if someone is telling the truth...unless it really really impacts me that finding out the truth is crucial. Let's say you had the time, or let's say what the person is telling could be an important detail affecting your behavior. e.g. He watches straight into your eyes and says, "I love you, and only you." Usually the people who are most distrustful of others and go to great lengths to spy, are themselves not the most trustworthy people...they are basically projecting their own negative character on others...basically it is the attitude "I am a liar and dishonest and therefore I believe everyone else is so I must drive myself crazy investigating everyone to catch them in their supposed lies". I agree, this is a common phenomenon in society; yet this doesn't mean that others don't lie (as in, "Just because you're a paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."). i.e. what I am wondering about most in here is why would people choose to keep things private or lie or not completely reveal something if they are honest/integral? What is the reason of the need to keep things secret? Isn't that by itself a manifestation of lack of trust in others? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Let's say you had the time, or let's say what the person is telling could be an important detail affecting your behavior. e.g. He watches straight into your eyes and says, "I love you, and only you." I agree, this is a common phenomenon in society; yet this doesn't mean that others don't lie (as in, "Just because you're a paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."). i.e. what I am wondering about most in here is why would people choose to keep things private or lie or not completely reveal something if they are honest/integral? What is the reason of the need to keep things secret? Isn't that by itself a manifestation of lack of trust in others? Not everyone needs to know everything about a person. Nobody tells the world everything about themselves. Being honest and having integrity is about not keeping secrets that can have an impact on someone else. So for example, it is not necessary to tell your partner that while in the bathroom you pick your nose in order to clear out the dried snot and make it easier to breathe...that is private, personal information that is not important for your partner to know because it doesn't impact her/him (as long as you wash your hands afterwards!). However, if you cheated on your partner, or if you were reckless with your money etc, those are things that it would be unconscionable not to tell your partner. Link to comment
BusyNAbroad Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 So for example, it is not necessary to tell your partner that while in the bathroom you pick your nose in order to clear out the dried snot and make it easier to breathe...that is private, personal information that is not important for your partner to know because it doesn't impact her/him (as long as you wash your hands afterwards!). I agree that it is not necessary for people to tell every single detail about themselves. My question is rather: where does the necessity to hide certain details come from? Isn't hiding/withholding information also a form of mistrust? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I agree that it is not necessary for people to tell every single detail about themselves. My question is rather: where does the necessity to hide certain details come from? Isn't hiding/withholding information also a form of mistrust? Not necessarily mistrust. Some things are just embarrassing to talk about (like picking your nose) and it is not necessary to share because it is intensely private. Some people do not divulge their age to others because they feel insecure about their age. Some people do not divulge that they have cancer because they don't want everyone making a fuss. People can have a multitude of reasons for keeping things private, not necessarily mistrust of others. Sometimes it is due to insecurity, embarrassment, denial, or just simply none of anybody else's business. Link to comment
BusyNAbroad Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 People can have a multitude of reasons for keeping things private, not necessarily mistrust of others. Sometimes it is due to insecurity, embarrassment, denial, or just simply none of anybody else's business. How do you distinguish between lack of trust and the underlined? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 How do you distinguish between lack of trust and the underlined? Well, it depends on the situation and what it being hidden. I would need specific examples. For instance, not saying your age is most likely an insecurity thing rather than a lack of trust. Link to comment
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