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39 days NC over - I miss her


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Hi All,

 

Its been a long time since i posted here. I was doing pretty well till last Wednesday. I started to develop a negative feeling towards my ex. In my case i was the dumper, i came back and asked sorry for the mistakes i did. She told she was dating another guy, but she said still she has feelings for me. She told she will leave the other guy for me. In the end she was talking to both of us. She told me lot of lies, she took revenge i feel. So i decided to go for NC last month. She messaged and mailed me coz she has has to transfer me some money. I though everything was over. 10 days back she and her brother called me, i was speaking to one of my friend, so i manged to keep the phone waiting for 3 hours. I avoided her. Last week i removed her from my list in social networking site. I did this coz i was checking her profile sometimes. Her bf is in town and some times i get scared to go out, thinking that i will bump into them.

 

So i had my roller-coaster ride, ego-boost, sleepless nights, depressing weekends, ups and downs. It was hard, but still i managed to smile. I made a habit to go out with friends during weekends, trekking, party. I started to speak one girl who was my school mate. I felt lot better. I stopped speaking to my friends about the break up. I felt i was really on the road to recovery.

 

But... On Wednesday i get a message from her "Sorry".. I was happy first, but i didn't ask her why. I immediately replied "Its ok". I was happy that i didn't initiate a conversation and i was polite. But yesterday night i thought about all the good times we had, our childhood days, the kiss she gave, the care, her smile, the small fights, her eyes. I couldn't sleep, i was crying the whole night.

 

I feel again like day 1 I really need help!!! i know if i ask her why she was sorry, i will not get any reply, if she says somethings it will be only lies. I don't want to break NC. I'm not yet healed. I can't be a friend to her now. I was happy without her thoughts, and weekend kills me. Please help !!

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as much as you may want to give in DONT! You know that thats whats best! i am feeling at day one too but its even worse, cus its with a new guy. totally played me. im so hurt, feeling so lonely too. wasnt a good idea to get involved or try again with someone else i geuss. dont dont dont contact her! stay strong!

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It's one thing to grieve through tough times while your dignity is intact. Don't contact her and blow that, or you'll only feel worse.

 

On your toughest days it feels as though things will always be this way, but in the back of your mind you know they'll get better. Hold onto that and trust it.

 

In your corner.

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