Lonely Men: Want A Mate? Here's What You Do.

[FortunateOne]

You can put away and throw out all the negative PUA mentality or your depressed passive aggressive behavior to focus on earning and embracing the traits most desired by women. With this data you can achieve a level of excellence that will reinforce confidence and exude attraction to 90% of women.

 

This posted thread is my opinion on how to attract good quality women based on the following University of Texas study which strangely correlate to my life experience thus far; honestly, that's why I'm posting it.

 

link removed

 

The four basic reasons women choose a mate:

1. Good genes, reflected in desirable physical traits (not to include intelligence)...,

2. Resources, reflected in education, job, lifetime earning potential, etc...,

3. The desire to have children and good parenting skills (the healthy love of children)..., and

4. Loyalty and devotion, reflective on the emotional stability and intelligence of the man.

 

As men it's our responsibility to ourselves and our future family to reach the epitome of each point above. I know it's difficult and there may be some trade offs, but there's also women that will compromise their natural instinct. The study has an excellent quote on this subject:

 

 

 

This is why it's in your power as men to deeply understand yourself in order to achieve any positive life goal and the mate of your dreams will follow. Remember that every man's life is different and you'd need to post your own scenario to get customized advice from us ENA members with a vast experience on most any matter. Take it to heart and work on you own issues before you confidently set out to find that perfect mate for you.

[laisla]

darn us unattractive women

 

Third, it remains to be established that attractive women’s stronger mate preferences for these key qualities in fact result in successfully securing mates possessing these qualities. There exists some evidence on this issue—women’s physical attractiveness is the best known predictor of the occupational status of the man she marries and the best known predictor of hypergamy, or marrying up in socio-economic status (Elder, 1969; Taylor and Glenn, 1976; Udry and Eckland, 1984). To our knowledge, however, there exist no empirical studies that establish behavioral evidence that women high in mate value actually marry men who have hypothesized good-genes indicators such as masculinity and sex appeal, hypothesized good parenting abilities, or hypothesized good partner qualities. Fourth, it must be acknowledged that women’s physical attractiveness is only one component, albeit an exceptionally important one, of women’s overall mate value (Buss, 1994/2003). Fifth,

[FortunateOne]

darn us unattractive women

 

On what scale is your subject unattractiveness based on? Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[laisla]

it's based on experience with others and self-judgement as well...it's just sad to know some of these social "facts" or tendencies i should say.

 

sorry to derail the thread, i know it's about guys. it just seems like guys have more buffer room to have more "flaws" than women do. i.e. the guy can get a job and have a good personality and find a spouse. a woman going for higher education actually has less of a chance of being married. strange.

[FortunateOne]

it's based on experience with others and self-judgement as well...it's just sad to know some of these social "facts" or tendencies i should say.

 

sorry to derail the thread, i know it's about guys. it just seems like guys have more buffer room to have more "flaws" than women do. i.e. the guy can get a job and have a good personality and find a spouse. a woman going for higher education actually has less of a chance of being married. strange.

 

No, I respectfully disagree. Women have the pick of the genetic litter and you're selling yourself short. There's many beauty products, enhancements, procedure, clothes, etc..., that can help you achieve the attractiveness that we men look for on the surface. That's the foot in the door action you control since with age beauty fades with every human being. That's why that "foot in the door" will endear you to a potential mate so you can achieve what we all desire in a relationship.

[laisla]

lol, there is only so much makeup and products can do

[FortunateOne]

lol, there is only so much makeup and products can do

 

I'd bet that there are many ENA female members that can help with your physical beauty concerns; now, as for the confidence, that's something many here can help you with to reflect your inner beauty on the outside and I'll go read your previous threads to try to understand your concerns.. One thing I ask is for you to share your insecurities with ENA for us to help.

[laisla]

thanks fortunateone you seem really genuine. i have posted insecurities but it hasn't helped me much to do so. if i were to try to "fix" every flaw i had it would be ridiculous and would probably just make me more paranoid. it's better to pretend it doesn't exist.

 

hope this topic gets more male replies

[Bartok]

It's that easy? Shoot, why haven't I found anyone, yet?

 

These things are all fine and good, but there's more to it than that.

[Raize]

 

The four basic reasons women choose a mate:

1. Good genes, reflected in desirable physical traits (not to include intelligence)...,

2. Resources, reflected in education, job, lifetime earning potential, etc...,

3. The desire to have children and good parenting skills (the healthy love of children)..., and

4. Loyalty and devotion, reflective on the emotional stability and intelligence of the man.

 

 

1. I've had a few admirers at least, but I am not typically good-looking. Clothing style and hairstyle could help, but I ain't going to style myself like the

rest of the cardboard cutout rat-race just so I can increase my chances of blending into the crowd more.

 

2. Can't see myself in a nice home I can afford to own any time in this life, and with the way the economy is going...

 

3. Used to think I'd like children one day but these days, not sure...

 

4. Loyalty and devotion in terms of being faithful yes, but in terms of having time to be there with her all the time, every night, probably not. Don't know exactly what qualifies as emotional stability, but I think I am a fairly intelligent guy, though a little aloof at times.

 

So, if there is someone who does not want to or cannot want to (but would like to) change any of these points they are basically screwed, right?

[dr_styles]

I miserably fail at #1 so the rest are irrelevant because they'll never know about it. (no possibilities at my current job unfortunately)

[FortunateOne]

It's that easy? Shoot, why haven't I found anyone, yet?

 

These things are all fine and good, but there's more to it than that.

 

It's always easy to read the map but never easy to take the journey, it's self introspective discovery and change it; yet, all journeys start with the first step forward. Tell me in detail what's holding you back and we will lead you down the right path to success.

[FortunateOne]

To answer your question; yes, if they, or you in this case, maintain a negative world view paradigm. This is where psychological therapy can heal the mind in order to change the negatively haunting cognitive though pattern that dominate your life. Have you tried to seek or ask for help on this matter?

[FortunateOne]

I miserably fail at #1 so the rest are irrelevant because they'll never know about it. (no possibilities at my current job unfortunately)

 

Attitude is based on confidence which manifests itself from trusting your own decision and being secure in your identity. This is why actions have reactions in life and physics. You need to be more positive and with help from us, family or professional therapist you can over come this self defeating negative attitude and change for what you want to become, including your job.

[LightbulbSun]

The four basic reasons women choose a mate:

1. Good genes, reflected in desirable physical traits (not to include intelligence)...,

2. Resources, reflected in education, job, lifetime earning potential, etc...,

3. The desire to have children and good parenting skills (the healthy love of children)..., and

4. Loyalty and devotion, reflective on the emotional stability and intelligence of the man.

 

I respectfully disagree with your post, for these reasons:

 

1.) I actually agree with this one, but it's subjective. Good genes can be spread accross the board; what appeals to one woman might not appeal to another. So it all comes down to what you find attractive, which is definitely true.

2.) Not necessarily. I've seen some lonely doctors and some guys working at McDonalds who the girls are all over. Maybe this applies to later, to women who are older and are looking to 'settle down,' but it certainly doesn't apply to every woman. But I think the general concencus is that a job makes a guy more attractive to women, regardless of what job it is.

3.) The desire to have children makes you attractive to women who desire to have children. In fact, it would be an instant turnoff to women who did not want to have kids. Plenty of relationships have been formed with both partners not wanting kids, and going throughout life not having any.

4.) This one I actually agree with, so I'm not going to argue.

 

You left out all the stuff that actually matters, like personality, common interests, things that you like to do with your partner. You know, stuff that you do on a saturday night. All 4 points above won't matter if you're incompatible with and don't like the other person.

[Anthropic]

So, if there is someone who does not want to or cannot want to (but would like to) change any of these points they are basically screwed, right?

 

Nope, not according to that study. All it means is you have to aim for lower "mate value" women.

[dr_styles]

Attitude is based on confidence which manifests itself from trusting your own decision and being secure in your identity. This is why actions have reactions in life and physics. You need to be more positive and with help from us, family or professional therapist you can over come this self defeating negative attitude and change for what you want to become, including your job.

 

I have to disagree here; that borders on one of those "lines". What I meant about my job was just the people there not being my age/generation btw - because with no conversation the other method knowing #2 is if you meet them through work where they'll obviously know at least the basics of your career.

 

Anyway back to the Attitude thing, yeah, Confidence only goes so far. I still think I carry myself confidently, but even if I'm not, I have been confident in the past yada yada yada. In short, I am unattractive; maybe not ugly but clearly not attractive.

[FortunateOne]

Did you follow the online link I posted to read the referred study? It clearly answers all your arguments on items #2 & #3.

[Bartok]

It's always easy to read the map but never easy to take the journey, if self introspective discovery and change it; yet, all journeys start with the first step forward. Tell me in detail what's holding you back and we will lead you down the right path to success.

I've been on an introspective journey since the day I was born, and I've been trying to change things for at least 10 years.

 

Biggest things holding me back:

1. Naturally quiet. Not necessarily shy - quiet. There is a difference. I'm trying to change this, but I'm still quieter than everyone else.

2. Almost no time. Grad school. I'm actually working on a project right now, just like last weekend, and the weekend before.

3. Nowhere to meet them. School would be a logical place, but it's heavily - and I mean HEAVILY - male dominated. The only way I can consistently meet the opposite sex is in a swing dance class I make time for on Wednesday nights, where there's a nice 14 yearold girl (lol), several women over 35 (not interested in cougars), and zero women my age.

 

On the flip side, I have most of the qualities you mentioned in the first post.

1. I know I'm reasonably attractive. Started working out to make myself more attractive. Taller than the vast majority of men.

2. Poor at the moment, but I'm working on a master's degree, so I'll be secure in the future.

3. I get along well with kids, and will probably want kids of my own at some point (not anytime soon, though!)

4. Due to my quiet nature, when I get close to someone, I GET CLOSE to someone. As far as emotional stability is concerned, I'm exceptionally even-keeled in comparison with my peers.

 

Anyway. There's still more to it than what's in that study. Conversation is HUGE HUGE HUGE, and I suspect that's my weak spot.

[Lowconfidence]

No, I respectfully disagree. Women have the pick of the genetic litter and you're selling yourself short. There's many beauty products, enhancements, procedure, clothes, etc..., that can help you achieve the attractiveness that we men look for on the surface. That's the foot in the door action you control since with age beauty fades with every human being. That's why that "foot in the door" will endear you to a potential mate so you can achieve what we all desire in a relationship.

 

I respectfully disagree with this. Not all women will have the pick of the genetic litter. No amount of make-up, clothing style, confidence, etc etc will enable an unattractive female to find a handsome male who's the CEO of a large corporation.

 

When a woman is ugly, it's very hard for her to find men to date. Men to have sex with sure. Relationships? Hard.

[somethngwrng]

I possess 2-4. 1, I don't know.

 

I have no problem attracting 'low mate value' women. 'High mate value' women, I've had barely any success with. At nearly 25, I'm still not going to settle for less. I can't see myself ever 'settling for less' in my life. So I'll either find a nice wife, or die old, alone and miserable. My father has even mentioned a few times that he's lost faith in me ever finding a woman. Not in those words, though.

[dr_styles]

I have no problem attracting 'low mate value' women. 'High mate value' women, I've had barely any success with.

 

Just out of curiosity what do you mean by this? I mean I have some typical guesses but ofcourse why guess when I can ask exactly.

 

As you may be able to guess I keep referring to how I can't seem to attract anyone (I realise it's my fault here too), not even ones I don't find attractive.

[FortunateOne]

Just out of curiosity what do you mean by this? I mean I have some typical guesses but ofcourse why guess when I can ask exactly.

 

As you may be able to guess I keep referring to how I can't seem to attract anyone (I realise it's my fault here too), not even ones I don't find attractive.

 

I suggest you read the whole study on the provided link in my original post plus affiliated referenced studies in order to understand the difference in mate value.

[servedcold]

The problem with socioeconomic based studies like this, and with the social sciences generally, is that they are founded on the assumption that people make rational choices, which is not generally the case. A large percentage of people fall in love young and marry young, in high school or college, not a rational selection process, but ironically, takes some of the -more- rational "matable" candidates out of the candidate pool.

 

Another factor is personality disorders. 1:3 of the women I've dated, if not a few more, have very pronounced emotional/personality problems, some rising to the level of true disorder, some not, but all affecting rational judgment and selecting mates based on any rational set of criteria. It is rare for me to find a dating candidate my age who is not on antidepressants, or has recently been on them. My last three relationships were all medicated in this way, and these were "cream of the crop" types in beauty, education, accomplishment and personality, just not emotionally healthy.

 

Alcohol and drug abuse is not factored in either. Alcohol is a tremendous selection factor in human mating, drugs to some extent also. Many people select their mates based on hookups that began while rationally impaired and under the influence of something or other.

 

So, no, I don't put much stock in studies of this kind. The useful bit of information disguised therein is that good looking, wealthy men who are open to having a family have lots of options... gee what a revelation.

[Raize]

To answer your question; yes, if they, or you in this case, maintain a negative world view paradigm. This is where psychological therapy can heal the mind in order to change the negatively haunting cognitive though pattern that dominate your life. Have you tried to seek or ask for help on this matter?

 

I don't see it as a negative view entirely, after all I gotta appreciate the fact that I have at least had some interest from the opposite sex which is better than none!

 

As for seeking therapy, I (perhaps stubbornly) choose not to. I honestly believe it will just be a waste of time and money.

 

I have a friend who has had extensive sessions with a psychologist and a psychiatrist for his own issues and he said the one thing that actually helps is talking to someone about it. Everything else they say and advise is just commonsense you've already thought yourself at some point!