postscript Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 A friend of mine suggested I write this down in a book for healing & dealing purposes, but I wanted to hear other peoples experiences... I am recently out of a four year relationship, it was my first serious relationship. We got together very young, and I never thought it would last - but first loves die hard and we hung on and on until there was nothing left. I dated a lot before him but because I was young and had no idea what I was doing, I didn't want a serious and/or long term relationship, but then it happened. Basically I have learnt a LOT about myself and other people over the four years. Here is a list of things I have learnt and hope to carry on with me throughout my future relationships. - Second chances are ok, but never, ever give third, fourth, fifth, sixth.. do I need to go on? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me a thousand times, and I am just plain stupid! - Trust my instincts, always. I often would ignore my gut feelings and trust what my ex said no matter what, because I wanted to believe him and not my instincts. This only hurt me more. If I trusted my own instincts, the relationship would have been a lot shorter, and probably would have ended on better terms. - Don't be clingy. We always went back and forth, he'd be clingy and I'd push him away, then I would be clingy, and he'd push me away. It left us so bitter and we resented a lot. Try and find a middle ground. - Take time out for myself a LOT more often. If I just finished work and had nothing to do, I would always go to him, and he would always give me time. We spent SO much time together that the relationship got stale very early on. I rarely spent time alone, which is something I need (to stay sane!) Now I am single and spend so much time alone, and I love it now. I need to do the same even when I am in a relationship. People tend to drive me crazy when I spend too much time with them - no matter who it is! I am sure I have more, but I am interested to hear other peoples experiences. xo Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Very good advice you have there. I would also add--love yourself. If you don't love yourself, or at least know your own worth and value, it's impossible to be in a healthy relationship. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Relationships take balanced effort on both sides. No relationship is better than one in which the other person is not pulling their weight. Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 The relationship is the icing on the cake, not the foundation for it. Live your life, do what makes you happy, and love will follow eventually. Link to comment
Dosed Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 A little pain can be good for you. (non abusive type obv) Link to comment
COtuner Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 1. Men hate when women put ourselves down (fat days, bad hair days, etc) 2. If you need validation that you have an issue, explain that. Otherwise men try to solve your problems for you or start arguing with you, and fights can erupt. 3. If you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, don't talk too much about them. 4. Never ever "fake it" - they expect perfection ever afterwards 5. Distance hurts relationships because the little bond of shared experiences is not there to help keep the feeling alive. Talking about them is not the same as sharing them. 6. Stage of life matters - you need to be in synch. 7. If you can't agree on where the priorities of spending money in your life should be, break up now. Link to comment
canali Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Take things slow ...who is this other person and what is their history and baggage? (along with knowing your own stuff) ie loneliness and lust are two very popular but unhealthy motivators for the start of too many relationships... have a life already and get fulfillment from different avenues and don't expect your lover to ''complete'' you (compliment is ok, but not complete IMO)....know who you are ie what your values and beliefs about life and love before you get involved?... try to be more present situated and focus on the now of the relationship instead of the pressures of the futures with inner thoughts of 'is this the one to live happily ever after with?' etc. '...when it comes right down to it, all that you really have is the reality of right NOW. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 good post. memories fade...the lessons we learn are with us forever. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 It's funny how love can turn to hate and in some cases gets ripped clean out of you when the betrayal is such that you can't even see the person you loved only an empty shell of the person who once was. Link to comment
InRecovery Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 While its a fantastic feeling to trust someone and feel dependent on them, never completely trust someone - there should always be a part of you prepared for the worst. I'm in the cynical phase. Link to comment
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