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What have you learnt from past relationships?

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A friend of mine suggested I write this down in a book for healing & dealing purposes, but I wanted to hear other peoples experiences...


I am recently out of a four year relationship, it was my first serious relationship. We got together very young, and I never thought it would last - but first loves die hard and we hung on and on until there was nothing left. I dated a lot before him but because I was young and had no idea what I was doing, I didn't want a serious and/or long term relationship, but then it happened.


Basically I have learnt a LOT about myself and other people over the four years. Here is a list of things I have learnt and hope to carry on with me throughout my future relationships.


- Second chances are ok, but never, ever give third, fourth, fifth, sixth.. do I need to go on? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me a thousand times, and I am just plain stupid!

- Trust my instincts, always. I often would ignore my gut feelings and trust what my ex said no matter what, because I wanted to believe him and not my instincts. This only hurt me more. If I trusted my own instincts, the relationship would have been a lot shorter, and probably would have ended on better terms.

- Don't be clingy. We always went back and forth, he'd be clingy and I'd push him away, then I would be clingy, and he'd push me away. It left us so bitter and we resented a lot. Try and find a middle ground.

- Take time out for myself a LOT more often. If I just finished work and had nothing to do, I would always go to him, and he would always give me time. We spent SO much time together that the relationship got stale very early on. I rarely spent time alone, which is something I need (to stay sane!) Now I am single and spend so much time alone, and I love it now. I need to do the same even when I am in a relationship. People tend to drive me crazy when I spend too much time with them - no matter who it is!


I am sure I have more, but I am interested to hear other peoples experiences.


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1. Men hate when women put ourselves down (fat days, bad hair days, etc)

2. If you need validation that you have an issue, explain that. Otherwise men try to solve your problems for you or start arguing with you, and fights can erupt.

3. If you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, don't talk too much about them.

4. Never ever "fake it" - they expect perfection ever afterwards

5. Distance hurts relationships because the little bond of shared experiences is not there to help keep the feeling alive. Talking about them is not the same as sharing them.

6. Stage of life matters - you need to be in synch.

7. If you can't agree on where the priorities of spending money in your life should be, break up now.

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Take things slow ...who is this other person and what is their history and baggage? (along with knowing your own stuff) ie loneliness and lust are two very popular but unhealthy motivators for the start of too many relationships... have a life already and get fulfillment from different avenues and don't expect your lover to ''complete'' you (compliment is ok, but not complete IMO)....know who you are ie what your values and beliefs about life and love before you get involved?... try to be more present situated and focus on the now of the relationship instead of the pressures of the futures with inner thoughts of 'is this the one to live happily ever after with?' etc. '...when it comes right down to it, all that you really have is the reality of right NOW.

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