The vision of her with someone else

[skibbe]

Hi guys!

 

From my previous threads I'd been thinking that I was making some form of progress with my whole situation.

In short for those of you that don't know, my now ex-girlfriend went on a trip around the world, promised me that everything would be okay only to dump me a month later and tell me that everything she said was basically of no meaning anymore.

 

I feel okay for most of the time, actually. I've been going out and started to do new and exciting things, but when I'm on my own my thoughts start to wander off..

 

For the past few days I've found it hard to let go of thoughts of "what if she's with another guy?" - or "does she even think of me?" - "does she have the faintest idea how sad she's making me?"

 

Does anyone recognize these thoughts, and have any ideas on how to get rid?

 

Thanks!

[yankeefan74]

It takes a long time for thoughts like that to go away. There's no quick fix. You just have to try and limit how much you think about her. Easier said than done, but you'll never escape the pain fully. As long as you understand and accept that it's supposed to hurt, and it's supposed to be difficult for a while, you won't beat yourself up too much for feeling down.

[lostandhurt]

They can haunt you no matter what you do. The important thing is to not allow them to control you or how you feel.

I talk to myself (sometimes outloud) when I find myself with some what-ifs in my skull. I simply ask myself what good is coming from this? Can I change the past or control the future? Don't I have more important or happier things to think about? I always seem to shake off the bad thoughts and get back to MY life.

 

There are always bumps in the path to healing, sometimes even hills but if we don't allow them to stop us or roll us backward to far then we are getting better.

 

lost

[yankeefan74]

When my ex broke up with me, it wasn't long before she was with someone new. This was something I found out from her rather quickly, and of course, that just made things even more difficult to deal with.

 

You always imagine the worst...and I assumed I got dumped for a guy that resembled Johnny Depp or something. That wasn't the case...but I realized that ultimately, it didn't matter...she had chosen to no longer spend her time with me, so whatever she was doing was no longer my concern. That didn't make it easier to deal with at first, but eventually...you can gain some perspective.

 

I am sure she thinks of you, and probably does know how sad you are....those are difficult things to face as a dumper. But it's the choice she's made.

[HulloThere]

When my ex broke up with me, it wasn't long before she was with someone new. This was something I found out from her rather quickly, and of course, that just made things even more difficult to deal with.

 

You always imagine the worst...and I assumed I got dumped for a guy that resembled Johnny Depp or something. That wasn't the case...but I realized that ultimately, it didn't matter...she had chosen to no longer spend her time with me, so whatever she was doing was no longer my concern. That didn't make it easier to deal with at first, but eventually...you can gain some perspective.

 

I am sure she thinks of you, and probably does know how sad you are....those are difficult things to face as a dumper. But it's the choice she's made.

 

do you think it helped you get over her quicker knowing the finality of the situation with her being with another man?

[EES]

No matter what I face or what I think about concerning my ex, I just tell myself...I can't control what he's doing, I can't control what he's thinking...and I'm never gonna get answers to all these questions I keep wondering about...So I brush it off.

 

I remind myself of four things:

1) This too shall pass

2) Everything in life happens for a reason

3) I can't control anyone's thoughts, actions or happiness except mine

4) This breakup HAS to make me a better person...not the other way around.

 

I'm in the same boat...it's been about 3.5 months since my first relationship/first love ended. I feel like i'm healing well, getting happier every day, but there are still those tough times...the mornings...the nights...the thoughts that go through my head when i'm alone...

I get it.

[tina-rocks]

This is part of the process after heartache I am sure.

 

Like lostandhurt when these thoughts kick in it helps to think of something that makes you smile or feel happier.

 

Not sure if this would work for you but I find going for walks taking in the beauty which surrounds us gives me a sense of peace. I think of my 2 cats too and that brings a smile to my face even through tears.

[skibbe]

Thanks for all of your support guys.

I've been checking in on this topic every day and I'm really grateful for all of your comments.

I really try to keep in mind the thoughts of not letting these thoughts control me, and today I actually found myself thinking;

"Hell, think of all of the good things thats come from this break. So what if she's with someone else? You have SO much to look forward to; SO much to smile about - f*** the negative thoughts; who needs them?!"

 

What a relief.

Now, if only I can hold on to this mindset for a while!

[skibbe]

Thanks for all of your support guys.

I've been checking in on this topic every day and I'm really grateful for all of your comments.

I really try to keep in mind the thoughts of not letting these thoughts control me, and today I actually found myself thinking;

"Hell, think of all of the good things thats come from this break. So what if she's with someone else? You have SO much to look forward to; SO much to smile about - f*** the negative thoughts; who needs them?!"

 

What a relief.

Now, if only I can hold on to this mindset for a while!