ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Hiya, Thought I'd start a new thread cos my other one was getting a bit long... Received the following email on Tuesday afternoon - background is in my previous thread, but we work for the same company, separate buildings / departments, and all going through a restructure so loads of redundancies. After some LC after she moved out (her initiating the contact each time) I initiated NC after a text response from her 2/3 weeks ago. The email: "blalbalbah removed for anonyminity x" Any advice on a suitable response? My hopes are at rock bottom anyway - I don't see anything positive as such here apart from her taking the time to contact me, but then again it's just reaching out to express her own worries right? And the take care bit at the end isn't exactely suggestive of anything! I guess what I'm asking is that I'm reasonably happy and comfortable responding in a freindly manner. I don;t really feel anything about it - quite neutral inside and I wouldn;t be expecting a response. The only thing I'm not sure about is whether to ask any questions. I think if i do then i become a crutch. Link to comment
DN Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I would respond "I am well, thanks. I understand your nervousness and hope everything works out for you". Link to comment
philove Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Yep, keep it short and sweet as above^ Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 If you're going to respond, then DN's response is a good one. However, if you are feeling a bit ambivalent or confused, I would recommend not responding at all... but that's just my own personal reaction. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 See, that feels quite cold to me, given that I want to keep things open for potential reconciliation. I don't feel confused - I've come to terms with the situation and am actively pursuing a life without her without hesitation. I suppose I want to keep the lines of communication open and not push her away further than she is. Would a slightly longer email telling her broadly (without specifics) what the situation in my department is, a bad move? What would the consequences most likely be? PS: gotta say my initial reaction was it did feel liek a scrap being thrown my way, but since I'm keen to keep the lines of communication open, my urge is to respond, even if impersonally. My mum says respond as I've described. Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 It just seems like you are overthinking this so much that there is something more there than you are letting on. For LC my rule of thumb is to not initiate contact unless I need a question answered and, when responding, only answer questions that are actuallly asked. So, in this instance, DNs response pretty well hits the mark. When in doubt, less is prefferable to more. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Thanks NJRon - I guess that's what I am overthinking - she is asking me whether we are affected. We are. The suggested response above doesn't answer that question, which is why I'm seeking to clarify I think basically it's the whole going agaisnt my instinct thing - welcome the communication and answer a similar length email VS the advice you guys are giving me which is exactely what I would tell others to do! Link to comment
RobD70 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 If you're going to respond, then DN's response is a good one. However, if you are feeling a bit ambivalent or confused, I would recommend not responding at all... but that's just my own personal reaction. I agree, I wouldn't respond since she didn't ask you for anything and if you did respond keep it to one line and wait a day or two before sending it...but it's best that you don't. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 It's been 3 days now - I think I'll answer, but something short like "I'm well thanks. I understand your nervousness - we're in the same boat. I'll pass on the message. I hope things work out for you." and go back to NC. Does that sound ok? Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 That sounds nice and to the point.... Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Okie dokie. Will send at end of play of work so she prob gets it on monday. This silly fear of being so curt she ends up giving up on contacting me is my biggest problem I think, and yes it does mean I'm not as ahead in my healing as I think. I guess I need to accept that if she wants ot keep me in her life she'll be in more meaningful contact if she percieves i'm vanishing, and if not then she's too-selfish and self-involved to matter to me. Plus the fact I want to display some progress to her ie. positivity etc which i don;t feel comes accross in short messages like the above. Thanks for the support! Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Just had this stupid irge to email the following: "Please do not contact me again with your whining self-pity masquerading as interest in me. You have girlfriends for that. You know the way it works: good sex = opportunity for you to waffle about bull * * * * afterwards." I'm guessing that won't get me anywhere Just want to clarify that I wouldn't dream of sending such a message to anyone, and I'm just venting. I do wonder whether being a total barsteward can create results tho. Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I'm sure it would create some sort of result I'm still voting for the "silence is golden" treatment. Link to comment
DN Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Just had this stupid irge to email the following: "Please do not contact me again with your whining self-pity masquerading as interest in me. You have girlfriends for that. You know the way it works: good sex = opportunity for you to waffle about bull * * * * afterwards." I'm guessing that won't get me anywhere Just want to clarify that I wouldn't dream of sending such a message to anyone, and I'm just venting. I do wonder whether being a total barsteward can create results tho.Good message, in fact, an excellent message. Short, sharp and totally to the point. Don't send it. Link to comment
philove Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I went completely silent after my ex emailed me and I haven't heard anything back from her for over 20 days. Part of me wants to hear from her but it does nothing but hinder my healing. I don't want to reconcile so I think if you do you should go ahead and send it. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Don't send it. No? Aww, but it's it all typed up and ready to go... I think I'd pretty much burn any romantic possibilities throughout the whole female contingent in the corporation we work for if I sent that. Link to comment
DN Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 No? Aww, but it's it all typed up and ready to go... I think I'd pretty much burn any romantic possibilities throughout the whole female contingent in the corporation we work for if I sent that. if clicking on 'send' would satisfy some need to retaliate then by all means do so. Just make sure that the only recipient of the e-mail is yourself. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Well, if clicking on 'send' would satisfy some need to retaliate then by all means do so. Just make sure that the only recipient of the e-mail is yourself. Indeed. But no, the feeling has past. I'm finding that I just get little rushes now that die out quickly. I can't be bothered with holding any negative feelings towards her. Thanks for your help guys - always bang on the money. I'm off to offer support on some other threads and give back to the community Link to comment
Clabs Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 ToodlePip Good for you mate - just remember what the old man says! Mark Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 ToodlePip Good for you mate - just remember what the old man says! Mark Got my parents coming over for lunch so I'll extract some more nuggets of wisdom from him on Sunday! Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Just sent it. A co-worker was over in her office earlier and spoke ot her briefly, and apparently my ex was asking how was etc. Coworker mentioned what was happening with our department so my silence until I sent the email is partly justified. Not reading anything into it. Gonna go out for drinks tonight and move on! Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Low blow Well, I guess we'll se what the next email says, if there is one. I guess at some point I'll end up not responding at all. Dunno, not thinking that far... Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 Until the next email? Boo. Yes. Email came in on Wednesday. I've ignored it as I have other more pressing matters to spend time thinking about right now. However these will be resolved this afternoon so I'll read it tomorrow. I do feel rather rude not responding this week since she's bloody emailing me at work so knows I got it. But damned if I'm going let that get to me. Link to comment
ToodlePip Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 Just looked anyway - nothing new really. "Hi, Sorry to hear that xxxx! Hope you can hang on in there... I'm thinking about you over there anyway. They've made a couple of redundancies in our sales team but so far nothing on the editorial side. We're just waiting to hear. x" Link to comment
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