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Not willing to move to be together?


Parmay

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Hello. I'm posting today because I've run into a big problem as far as my relationship goes.

 

We live around five hours away from each other at the moment, which isn't a problem. However, I've been getting ready to move from my town for quite some time now and the place I was planning to move to is far away from my boyfriend.

 

I've already been in one long-term LDR, and it pretty much destroyed the relationship. I don't have confidence that I can pull it off again. We've already been having a lot of problems that wouldn't matter if we were together in person. I'm just not the type of person that does well in LDRs, and I can see that the distance is having a negative effect on the relationship. These problems are what are forcing my hand at the moment.

 

I should mention that he's fine with the LDR. So it's not like he's pressuring me to move where he is.

 

I've been thinking about moving to my boyfriend's town instead, but he lives in a town smaller than mine and the only reason I want to leave my current town is because of the size. It's been my dream to move to the certain town since I was in Gradeschool, so I'm very hesitant to give that up. I don't know if I'd be happy in his town.

 

On the other hand, he's not interested in moving to my town of choice. I mentioned it to him once, but dropped it when it was clear he wasn't really on board. Mostly our discussions have been about whether I should move there or to dream town.

 

I've been trying to decide where to move for at least four months now, and it's stressing me out. He's a great guy and when we're together in person, things are amazing. We make a great couple, and I don't want to just give up without a fight. I don't want to break up with him, but I don't see how we can have a future if we're not willing to move to be with each other. I am willing to be in an LDR with him if we can't come to a compromise, but I'm 90% certain it'll mess up the relationship.

 

We've talked about it already, but it usually just leads to us arguing. Our relationship is very on edge at the moment due to this. I've been so stressed out over making the decision that I get upset very easily and cry at the drop of a hat. He's trying his best to make me feel better and make me happy, but he's starting to get discouraged.

 

I was thinking about just waiting it out to see if either one of us changes our minds. I could hate my city of choice and be more comfortable with moving there, he could change his mind, or something of the sort.

 

I'm just afraid that if I take that approach and nothing changes, I'll find myself in the same position some three years down the road.

 

I was also thinking about choosing a town we both like together and moving there. (I haven't brought this idea up with him yet.) However, he wouldn't be in a position to move for at least another two years now. While I am willing to wait, I'm afraid that we'll have a falling out or he'll change his mind and then I'll be stuck there.

 

What should I do?

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