The days of Keyman’s life...

[Keyman]

Cue theme music…

“Doctor Remerez, will Henry live?” asks Fiona.

“Unfortunately he has a rare case of stomach lint and has only 2 minutes to live.”

But Doctor, I love him, I love his father, I love his grandfather, I love his third cousin who I met just that one time, and most of all I love you” *Snog snog snog*

 

So, the tale continues…

So I agreed to a date/catch up with her on Sunday, will be a little hung over from buck’s party on Saturday, but still want to go. So just sitting at home watching some tv at 10.30 last night when the phone rings and it’s her. “Can I come over and chat?”

 

So, as you can imagine, I’m thinking there are a couple of reasons… She wants to tell me that she doesn’t think we should go and probably shouldn’t see each other any more (why she couldn’t do that on the phone I don’t know…) or she wants to push things in the direction of getting together again. So I say yes and she drives 30 minutes in the rain to see me.

 

We sit on my bed and I ask her straight out, why have you driven 30 minutes to see me? Well, it seems that she is confused, she’s been analysing our recent brief email conversations and isn’t sure if I’m being sincere. Inside, she says she has an image of us just lying down on the bed and going to sleep all cuddled up, being able to move on without all of the stuff hanging over us from before. But, she then begins down the path of she’s not sure and tries to convince me that I’m not fully into it, because it comes accross this way, saying lines like “when I think about you, my head goes to an image of you and this other girl”. But I only organised a coffee with her, it’s not like I was having sex with her and she caught me or anything. I explained that it was an ego stoking exercise, after being dumped I sought a temporary fix to ease the pain, temporary like the rush you get from eating a whole bunch of ice cream when you are depressed, or go on a shopping spree for the same reason. It wasn’t to replace her. So, she suddenly sees it in a different light…

 

We talk more, and I tell her that I want to be with her, but am guarded. That I want Sunday to be a day where we can both just relax and enjoy the day, and not be totally on guard all day. That is what she wants as well. So, I ask for a hug, but she won’t and we lay down on the bed instead facing each other and the conversation turns lighter. I reach over and hold her hand. She resists at first, then gives in. It’s like 1am now and I gotta work today (which is where I am now contemplating another strong coffee), she doesn’t. We keep talking while holding hands. I ask for a hug and she resists, I don’t push it. We lie there for another 30 minutes, she starts falling asleep and I ask her to stay. She knows I’m not just trying to have sex with her, I’m not like that, but she declines…”I’d like to, but I’m not ready in my head.” Finally a statement of intent. Inside, like me, her heart wants to sort out the stuff and go forward. There have been clues dropped all through the evening. Her head just wants to be sure.

 

So, she gets up and is about to leave and I ask for a hug. She gives me one and we cling to each other for 5 minutes. I shuffle us to the bed and we lay there clinging to each other for another 10 minutes until she gets up to leave. I walk her to the car and we hug the same for another couple of minutes. Then I give her a peck on the lips and tell her she knows what that means. If I go on a first date with someone and have a great connection and a fantastic time, I will give a peck on the lips. It’s a statement of intention and she knows this, because I did it to her.

 

So it would seem that we want the same thing… To sort it out and move forward. I told her that I don’t want to discuss what has been, I just want to have fun with her, have a good time and start getting to know her again. And it would seem that she wants the same. She wants me to get her trust back again. So things are looking good from that side…but…

 

I’ve just started chatting to a new girl I met on a dating site… There’s been no formal statement of intent with my ex, but I get the feeling it’s heading there. But if all turns to custard on Sunday (which it wont from my side) then I don’t want to disconnect from someone I just started talking to. But then I don’t want to keep talking to her and have valentines weekend happen all over again. I also don’t want to appear like a d*** and tell the girl from the dating site that I’ve started seeing someone else seriously, when I’m not sure if that is what is actually happening. I think I will just chat at a friendly level with this new girl and not ask her on a date until I know for sure what is going on…. Oh the days of my life!

 

Cue theme music…

“He’s dead,” says doctor Remerez.

“Oh no!” Fiona says. “I’m sad, so, so, so very sad.” *weeps*

“Are you alright?” says the doctor.

“Just hold me…”

He does.

“Oh doc,” *snog snog* “Take me now!”

“Actually, I’m not dead yet…” says Henry…

Fade to black.

Roll credits.

[Hrtsleeve]

sounds like you have everything under control...congrats!!!

[Keyman]

And while it seems sorted, I'm not going to rush out of my way to hang on to it all. There is no guarantee that anything is going to come of it. There have been some pretty heavy stuff she thinks about me and tells me when she is 'hurt' or upset. From that, at least I know what she thinks of me, and sometimes it makes me wonder why she wouldn't just cut all contact. Perhaps, as my friends say, she likes stringing me along. One thing is for certain, my threshold for holding on is pretty low - ie, I'm not going to run around madly for her anymore. I'm actually getting something out of the situation and it's not misery. Last night was a start, but in reality, doesn't necessarily mean she wants to get back together.

 

It's feels good to be where I am though. I feel a little more in control of myself. There is and has been for a while, a continuing sense that our paths will continue in the direction they are heading in. I am glad that I am gaining strength each step of the way - the something I'm getting out of this all. I guess until my next update next week...

[Adge]

Hey buddy. I always enjoy reading your posts, it's like a gripping read!!

 

It looks like things are beginning to work in your favour, but slowly. I cannot see anything that you are doing wrong. You are not being needy or clingy and seem to have struck the perfect balance of not being too distant either. You have put your point accross very well without scaring her away. I mean why would she drive 30 minutes to talk to you!? This is a really really good sign and shows that although she is a little confused, she is still thinking about reconciliation.

 

The next stage is to have a good time with her. You've already said that, so you know what to do.

 

Congrats from me also!!