11everything2-1nothing Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Ok so I recently posted a thread about being attracted to guys that are not interested in me. I ruled out the last one I was interested in (see thread ) because he wasn't asking me on a third date. I decided to let it go because it was obvious that this meant he was not interested. I have not texted..etc. Yet he keeps sending me emails. Not to ask me out, but just to talk about nothingness. I do respond to them, but I just can't figure out why he does this. Is he trying to friend me? Link to comment
My Advice Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 A side question, do you know they are not interested in you when you are interested in them? You seem like a cute girl, you shouldn't be having this kind of problem. Are you sure this isn't psychological dating pattern? Nobody could tell you what he wants with any certainty not knowing him but it could mean two things 1. He wants to keep you open as a sexual option but doesn t necessarily want to date you. 2. He is shy. 3. He just wants you as a friend. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 i agree, could be one of those 3 options..... what happens when you write back? Link to comment
11everything2-1nothing Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Well when I write back he writes back. It has been a string of emails that started off of one. He writes back pretty much everyday. The conversation in the emails is still about nothing. Just pretty about the events of the day. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 hm. you can ask him out - suggest lunch or something. that is, if you are interested in him. Link to comment
ellandroader Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Instinctively, he may just be getting to know you more. I say that because it is the sort of thing I would do and inadvertently, may be the reason why girls lose interest because it gives off a signal like this! Link to comment
11everything2-1nothing Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 I don't want to ask him out, in the original post I made about this I was accused of being too chasey, and too available? Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 i don't think it's 'too chasey' to suggest lunch, if he is consistently emailing you. now, if he wasn't emailing you and stuff, then i would say you might be too chasey. Link to comment
My Advice Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I agree with annie. If you like him, be blunt and ask him to lunch. If he acts flaky after that give up. Either way you shouldn't just focus on one guy until he acts with more serious initiative. As the above poster said he could still be feeling you out as well, and I am still there are other possibilities we might not have thought of. Might as well just ask him out to lunch. If that is "chasey" (not sure that's a word) then so be it. Link to comment
11everything2-1nothing Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 I agree with annie. If you like him, be blunt and ask him to lunch. If he acts flaky after that give up. Either way you shouldn't just focus on one guy until he acts with more serious initiative. As the above poster said he could still be feeling you out as well, and I am still there are other possibilities we might not have thought of. Might as well just ask him out to lunch. If that is "chasey" (not sure that's a word) then so be it. He is not the only guy I'm focusing on. I actually have a 2nd date with someone tomorrow night I just liked him the best why I am putting so much thought into it. As for asking him out again: I already technically asked him the second time we went out and I don't feel that I should have to again. I wrote about this in my other post. He asked me out for a second date first, but I told him I couldn't go that weekend and maybe we can the week after that. He didn't ask again so I did because I felt that maybe I gave was too open ended. The second date ended awkwardly (also in my other post). Anyhow he should be the one asking for a third. Because he has not I decided he was not interested. Also if he was interested I would assume he would call instead of writing emails. That is why I am so confused about this. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 i'd stop replying and see if he makes a more apparent move. Link to comment
Robert013 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 If you are interested then just ask..All this he should ask stuff is BS.. He is staying in contact with you on a daily basis sounds interested to me.. I don't stay in contact with my women friends on a daily basis.. I only do this to the women I am interested in dating..If you like him just ask already..it will at least stop you from wondering/obsessing..The worst thing he can do is say no, but you don't have to worry about that to much because you do not have all your eggs in one basket.. Link to comment
11everything2-1nothing Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 ok ok I will ask in response to the next email he writes. I have a fear of rejection though. Even if he is not the only person I am dating. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I wouldn't ask him out. This is all VERY simple, One. If a guy is interested, he WILL ask you out. If a guy is not interested, he will NOT ask you out. All the rest of the dialogue and debate is conjecture and rationalizations. Focus on the guys who ARE interested and asking you out. Link to comment
My Advice Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I guess my overall point is this. You are not sleeping with him, not in a relationship with him, and his interest here is akin to a penis with a few drops of blood in it but it still wont get hard. Also we as human beings, especially among the younger crowd, have a tendency if not checked to be most attracted to the person who plays "the best games" meaning poses seemingly enough possibility to get us thinking about them but at the same time is the most challenge or isn't easily (or sometimes at all) attainable. The qualities of the unattainable then get romanticized. That's why the celebrities who are not all that hot are such sex symbols among other reasons. What you should do is tell yourself that everything you like about him are qualities you can find in someone else. Then after doing that, go ahead and be straight blunt with him with one foot in the door and one foot out, remembering to think of yourself as the prize, and ask him again, but this time TELL him what you are telling us. No technically but don't act desperate either. He knows you are probably interested. If he doesn't he is a fool or a liar. Ask him again but tell him look, " I am possibly interested in you however your gonna have to be more proactive here." After all this isn't going anywhere right now so what do you honestly have to lose? You're an attractive girl. There are A MILLION guys out there who have all the stuff this guy has. Be up front, ask him one last time, be up front about wanting to him to take you out for a fun date, and then do NOTHING else because if he doesn't meet you half way he is going to be more trouble than he is worth. You ARE the prize. If you make it all about him being the prize YOU LOSE all power in the interaction and might end up frustrated, with lower self esteem, getting played, or hurt. Would you rather not take a bigger risk in getting rejected early on or rejected when you care too much? Look at it as fishing or playing a video game but don't invest anymore if he doesn't do anything else. Chances are once he realizes he is losing you as an option he will get more aggressive. They often do. And if he doesn't after the push pull routine, the right catalyst for something romantic wasn't there anyway. Link to comment
Ammy Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I agree with the people who say ask him out. No one wastes time emailing daily if they're not interested in pursuing things further. Perhaps he is just very shy. Give it a go and then you can at least put this query to rest once and for all. AMMY Link to comment
11everything2-1nothing Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 Ok he sent me another email, a really long one, so I'm going to ask. We will see what happens. I'm just going to say I'm going to be in the area and if he is around we should meet up. I feel like saying anything more than that is too pushy. I don't feel good doing this but i will send it later today. Will keep you guys updated. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I just don't think it's ever in anyone's best romantic interest to pursue people that are lukewarm. If he has the time to write you long emails, then he certainly can ask you out in one. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I just don't think it's ever in anyone's best romantic interest to pursue people that are lukewarm. If he has the time to write you long emails, then he certainly can ask you out in one. yeah, but then again, she can send off that one email suggesting they meet up, and if he doesn't write back (or responds in a lukewarm way), then she can just forget it and move on to the next guy. sometimes it's knowing that i did all i could for a certain situation helps me move on and get closure. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 yeah, but then again, she can send off that one email suggesting they meet up, and if he doesn't write back (or responds in a lukewarm way), then she can just forget it and move on to the next guy. sometimes it's knowing that i did all i could for a certain situation helps me move on and get closure. Very true, and he could respond positively, and then she won't hear from him again until she chases him some more. I think the closure has already happened because he hasn't asked her out. Some people spend time online to kill time and nothing more. We're all experienced enough to know, and I can't say it enough - if a guy is interested, he'll make it known. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 2 months ago, i went on a link removed date and i thought it went really well. i liked the guy, i thought we had a total connection, i thought i was going to hear from him again! he looked sad when i had to end the date. well, i figured he would call. he didn't. after 4 days, i decided to send a quick text saying hi. he responded back right away. he asked how i was doing. it was the coldest day of the year, i responded that i was trying to stay warm. he responded back flirtatiously like, 'come over, i'll keep you warm!' i kind of just lol'ed, exchanged a few more texts, then told him i had to get back to work. at that point, i figured i showed enough interest that he knew he could ask me out again if he wanted to. well, he didn't ask me out, so i guess that was my answer right there! but i felt better, at least starting off the text, so then at least i knew i 'did my part.' Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 No one wastes time emailing daily if they're not interested in pursuing things further. I disagree although it depends on the person. I have a good male friend who I often email on a daily basis. We tell each other a lot - but I am not attracted to him at all. I just get on well with him. I get on better with guys than girls. Of course some guys would only email on a daily basis if they wanted more - but then I think there are some who like friends, whatever the sex, just like me (maybe not so many, but there are some). Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 ok - that sounds fun! i've definitely seen on here that guys sometimes get self-conscious and aren't sure if the girl they are dating is interested or not, so it's definitely good to give them some encouragement. have fun! also - if you liked the date, be sure to thank him at the end and tell him how much fun you had!!! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 gotta communicate from both sides. awesome!! Link to comment
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