Good or bad?

[wolf22]

I have posted before,... not sure if i am dumped or on timeout. long story she wants to talk again but needs time to decide.

 

i decided i want her and the breakup was my fault. so instead of folding, i started counseling and have been reading books about our situation.

 

after yesterdays counseling i realized how at times i was trying to make her jealous. i saw how immature it really was. even though we arent talking i emailed her an apology saying how i realized this and how stupid i was. she knows how hard i am trying . at the end i put "no need to reply", and so she did not reply.

 

i know i broke no contact, but was telling her about one of things i realized a bad thing???

[waveseer]

It would have a lot more impact if you could wait until you are mostly recovered and then show her how you've changed instead of telling her. OTOH, there is nothing wrong with an apology either as long as there are no strings attached.

[stickman]

When people ask for time, you must always give it to them. For them at first they feel relief...you feel total panic. (IT'S NORMAL.)

 

Any contact by you will be a response that tends to always push that other person away. (People move away from pain and closer to comfort.) Of course she cares about you and is conflicted right now. But you MUST show her some respect and give her the time. To respect a woman you must do what she asks. She needs time for the negative feeling to subside. You also must validate her feelings. You do that by understanding that she is allowed to be confused and upset. Don't argue, be glib, or blow off her feelings. For now....Just be quiet.

 

When she does contact you, and she will, your words must zero in on what is important to her along with the understanding that goes along with it. "I understand that I upset you. I am sorry. You don't deserve to be treated like that." Short and sweet.

 

Remember, it's mostly about you actions now....not the words. (The action of doing and saying NOTHING.)

 

Backing off is very hard to do. But, it is what she asked for and deserves. You will earn her trust in that you are doing your best and you want what is best for her.

[wolf22]

i know you are right stick. i jumped the gun. it was a horrible feeling in my stomach when i realized the things i said and did. i did send her flowers on her birthday and she seemed to enjoy them from her email. so i did break the rules a few times, but i am trying to give her space.