Jump to content

Back in Communication/Recent Developments


unduffable1

Recommended Posts

I have several posts on my situation. Recently I have started contact with my ex. We broke up the first week of November, after desperation I cut off contact the third week of November and said it just wasn't healthy for us. She had attempted to contact me, but nothing came up. Though we talked again the third week of February for the first time since. We've caught up on the happening in each other's lives. She contacted me originally apologizing in a text, and I decided to call her back a few days later. We decided to get together for lunch a week later and that was all good. A week after we hung out together all afternoon, and she said she was happy to have her best friend back into her life, and at one point she said she loved me. I kind of blew it off at the time in passing with our current discussion. She called me later that week saying she was bored, and just wanted to see what I was up to.

 

She knows I have been recently seeing someone, and I have indicated I am not dating this girl, and have indicated to the girl that I wouldn't be right to be in a relationship now. I have also mentioned to my ex how I feel somewhat trapped with this girl because of our situation. My ex is no longer in the relationship she was in after we broke up, and it sounds like the guy had a million and one issues, and everyone is telling her she is better off without the guy, but I can tell she is still upset. She recently started anti-depressants and I have shared my secrets with her on how I have healed and continue getting on. We did not hang out this past weekend, and originally planned on hanging out together this next weekend where I was going to go with her for her to finish her tattoo and stay overnight at her place as I need to be in her town for work both days. I facebooked her my schedule to see if we were still on and she responded with this:

 

"Saturday night I have some plans. Sunday my parents are coming up I think, but I would love to see you Sunday. If you still need a place to stay Saturday night you are welcome to stay at the house. You can hang with the pugs until I get home."

 

I don't know how to take this. I do want to get back together with her, and have learned so much about myself the past few months. I am doing things for myself, and I can see improvements from her. I would like to bring up my feelings with her, and thought about doing so this weekend. However, should I in fact take her up on this offer to still stay over or hang out this weekend? Should I try telling her anything this weekend? What do her actions tell me to do? Advice please.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Brownstone. I thought about it, but not sure of her Saturday plans. Perhaps she'll just be gone in the afternoon. I'd like to hang out with my dogs. She'd probably get upset if I stay at a nearby hotel as well. She has told me several times in the past few weeks that I am always welcome to come by the house even if she isn't home. We did live there together for 2 years, and I dated her for 10 years. Though, perhaps she'll go out and get in late at night loaded (only dranks a few times in our tenure together but started up with some girlfriends shortly before we broke up). Or perhaps she'll come home with some guy. Maybe I should just drive the hour and a half+ back home and then back the next morning. Should I talk with her at this point of how I feel, or my intention to reconcile with her? Would this just hurt my chances? Several people have suggested being up front with our longevity, but like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire I want to try the ask the audience approach before I phone a friend. Thanks for the assistance.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you should stay at her house saturday night......but don't sleep with her! she is not going to bring home another guy home if you are staying there! just try to keep it easy and not make everything a big deal, just pretend like the first time you met and take it slow.......again...don't sleep with her!!! just have fun and enjoy her company, fake it until you make it! don't bring up all relationship stuff yet....go there, have fun, go home. She'll be the one to bring it up and ask you back!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really have been light hearted and fun the past couple times we have been together, as well as the few times we talked on the phone (each of the conversations about 10 min). I honestly don't think she would bring home another guy either, but then again, I never thought she would have left me for another guy when we broke up. One poster has pm'd me telling me that through my actions she is likely uncertain I want to get back together, and from having such a long relationship, a smooth breakup, and time apart I shouldn't be playing games at this point. I should be open and honest. Though, again, that's why I am trying to get opinions here.

 

By the way, the first time we met we didn't sleep together, but we did do QUITE a bit. I do agree I wouldn't sleep with her either, and don't think that is even a possibility. Quite honestly, this was a big problem in our relationship for the past year or so is the lack of sex. It felt like an obligation to her, and I didn't feel emotionally connected because of it. When we did have a sex life it was quite healthy for several years. Then the past few it started to dwindle. She also stated a couple weeks ago that it wouldn't be weird, she'd fix up the guest bed, and didn't want to lead me on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you're playing this really well. I don't mean playing as in playing a game, but you seem to be more in control of your emotions.

 

Be cool. I like the fact that she says she would love to see you. Keep her laughing and smiling and she'll realise what she is missing. A happy girl is one that refelcts and thinks about reconciliation.

 

Wish you luck buddy. Looks positive to me!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got long winded on this post so I decided to cut it down. Here's the short story. Maybe I made a mistake, but I took some advice on here. I decided to talk with her this past weekend. I told her how happy I have been that she has been back in my life because she is my best friend, she is doing new things for herself, and how proud I am that she is taking anti-depressants, but how this past week I have given more thought to what I would like between us. I told her I do honestly feel bad about her new relationship not working out because deep down I want her to be happy.

 

Said that I have become a better person since the break, and have learned a lot about myself, relationships, and am still learning. I said how I feel at the time of the break she had convinced herself we wouldn't work, and I had convinced myself there was nothing I could do to make things better. Now I said I feel I empower my own happiness, I know I can be happy without her, but how I do miss her, and would like to give it another go in a new relationship if we could be open and honest about everything and communicate more often whether things are good or bad. Become more equals in the relationship. That I feel a connection back together.

 

She told me she has given a lot of thought about getting back together with me recently, and kind of felt that is what I wanted after the last time we hung out. She said she does love me and thinks we do have something special, and that it could work in the future but she doesn't feel ready to make a decision right now. She told me how she has never been alone, and she needs to figure stuff out for herself and be single for a while.

 

I stated that I am not looking to jump into a relationship, but just wanted to see if there was a way we could resolve past issues and rebuild in a new relationship. I told her just to think about things and let me know when she was ready. There were a number of other things we talked about, and I was there for about 3 and a half hours. She did state that she has talked about me to her friends, and has only said good things. I did text her later and said I did not want to be an ass and if she wanted to hang or talk or whatever on Sunday to let me know. Though, she never tried contacting me. Where do I go now?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...