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Marriage of 28 years...gone!


babs55

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I am new to this forum and I only created an account to get some help from this lovely website

 

I can't eat, I can't sleep, and it's hard to function. I am a 55 year old woman with two grown kids and have been married for 28 years. Recently my husband decided to leave me. I'll spare you the details about how much pain I am feeling. What concerns me the most is I have been a homemaker for the entire marriage, raised the kids, cooked, cleaned, etc. He is basically leaving me with nothing but half his army retirement check which is only $550 a month. I am not a US citizen either (I come from Germany). He is leaving me with no solid financial security and I am so lost and alone.

 

I don't know how I will be able to take care of myself, what can I do for help? Will a lawyer be able to help me? Or am I really powerless since I have depended on him for so many years? I have had to ask my children for financial help in the meantime. Any feedback would be appreciated.

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Hey, welcome to the forum. Firstly, with respect to the pain, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm going through a breakup, too. Hang in there.

 

Secondly, with $550 a month, I'm sure you can secure a studio apartment somewhere (in case you have nowhere to live). If anything, try to find a part-time job somewhere to supplement your income. You could start with link removed.

 

Ask your family to help you during this time. Maybe your children can come take care of you during this time and help you out at all. It's important to be around people right now, so see if you could drop by for a visit.

 

If you're serious about getting more out of your situation, then you could possibly consult a lawyer for some legal advice.

 

Anyway, I hope you get better soon!

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i think you may want to consider contacting a divorce attorney. because you were married for so long and because you were a homemaker, i think if you fought for it you could receive more than what you think you are getting. in most places, you are entitled to 50% of everything... a good lawyer can help safeguard your assets and protect your rights. do NOT drag your feet on contacting an attorney. your husband may be hiding or spending your assets.

 

i'm sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. keep your friends and family close right now.

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Are you married in this Country or in Germany? I know that marriage certificates from other countries are recognized, but I'm not sure about the financial part on how that would play out. You say he has left you, but has he or you filed for a divorce? I would hire an attorney for the divorce proceedings. The attorney can advise you or submit to the court that you are looking for some further alomony from him. Either that or find a job.

 

Hope this helps.

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I would definitely talk to an attorney to see what your options are. A lot is going to depend on where you live in the US, how long you've been here, whether you are in the country legally or not, and so on.

 

You also might want to contact the Department of Economic Security or Social Services in your state. They may have programs to help you find work, get some training, check into economic assistance, food stamps, and any other social services you may need in the meantime.

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I would definitely talk to an attorney to see what your options are. A lot is going to depend on where you live in the US, how long you've been here, whether you are in the country legally or not, and so on.

 

You also might want to contact the Department of Economic Security or Social Services in your state. They may have programs to help you find work, get some training, check into economic assistance, food stamps, and any other social services you may need in the meantime.

 

This is very good advice. You beat me to it.

 

I've a friend, at 50, is going through the same thing. She found out that the local, County, State and Fed have a lot of programs to help you out.

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My husband is retired military (been in the states for the past 25+ years in the state of Texas), so I am not illegal, and he hasn't filed for divorce yet, we are just seperated and he plans on moving out Tuesday of next week. Thanks for the advice everyone, its especially weird situation because our home is almost paid off (2 more years). I will start seeking out legal help because I don't have any close family or friends that can really help me out.

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You might even be able to get some help from the military. They are very strict about people living up to their family responsibilities. I'm not exactly sure how they handle retirees but you should definitely check it out. There might be some assistance for you over and above just half of the pension.

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You might even be able to get some help from the military. They are very strict about people living up to their family responsibilities. I'm not exactly sure how they handle retirees but you should definitely check it out. There might be some assistance for you over and above just half of the pension.

 

Wow, first of all, welcome to ENA Babs, so sorry you are going through this.

 

I was just about to write the same thing as Avman. Start checking on what the military can do for you, get a really good divorce lawyer who will fight for you and your rights. I'll just bet there are resources you don't know about, there HAS to be help for someone in your position!

 

In the mean time, get angry. That's what will get you through this and help you seek out every resource out there.

 

Take care and God Bless.

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If you've had a long marriage and you've always been a homemaker and not worked, there is an extremely high probably at your age that you will get alimony for life. that means that you will get additional part of his paycheck until he retires, then you will get half of his pension and social security.

 

You will also be entitled to half the equity in the house, so if it is almost paid off and worth $200K, you will get $100K in the divorce when you sell the house.

 

So don't despair, you should be able to do fine, especially if you take advantage of all the available resources they have for seniors and displaced homemakers such as yourself.

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Babs,

 

So very sorry you are having to go through this. I know you feel the pain with every keystroke you type. But I am so glad you have chosen to reach out here. This is a good forum and the anonymity makes it particularly safe for you. You'll find this place warm, welcoming, and full of advice. Pick and chose carefully but you should be able to find support each day. Come regularly. We're glad you're here.

 

The details of your situation make very little difference. The bottom line is that you are experiencing a loss and your security is a very prominent concern at this point and rightly so. You're going to survive either way but I think you'll find great hope in sitting down and crafting out a plan. Then follow your plan day by day. You'll find the strength you need to keep moving ahead.

 

First, take care of YOU. Be sure you continue to grow intellectually and emotinally and be physically healthy through this. Join a book club, get in the habit of taking early morning walks, and get in touch with your spiritual side. And learn to reach out to others, even while you're hurting so desperately.

 

Second, look into what support you can get from the divorce settlement, sale of the home (1/2 will be yours), and community assets. Texas is a community property state so anything that was accumulated during the marriage, generally, will split 50/50. And what about your kids? Can they provide some assistance during this time?

 

Finally, look into a job right away. This will not only put some money in your account but will give you some purpose and a place to go everyday. It will also begin to put you out there socially.

 

You're going to be fine. It is normal at this stage not to believe that because the future seems so overwhelming. Don't despair. It is not. You can do this. And we'll help.

 

All the best to you.

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