LostBoy2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Ok, so my ex cheated on me with 3-4 guys, multiple times... We went out for 3 years. Her excuse is that I wasn't very exciting, and that I didn't flirt with her enough.. Yet we had sex probably 2+ times a day..? SO... We've been on and off for the last 4 months, I haven't really slept good in 4 months.. as of right now ive been awake for like 6 days just thinking about this.. I really want this girl back. I'd like to try to start over and do everything differently.. Like be more exciting, be more outgoing, and do what she wants me to do to keep her happy.. She was like my best friend. Is there really any point in this..? I mean I feel lost without her.. Shes all I know. All of my friends told me to kick her to the curb, but for some reason I haven't been able to.. We've been talking alot in the last 4 months.. I think I'm obsessed with her...? Someone helpppppppppp! Link to comment
DN Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Not a good idea. It is not unusual for cheaters to blame their partners but there is no excuse. She will do it again and use the same excuse or find something else to blame you for. BTW - get tested for STDs. Link to comment
epsilon2x Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 You won't feel lost if you find another girl. Be strong and get rid of her FAST. She is a low life. For her to cheat on you and make you feel like it's your problem, and you need to fix the relationship is straight up BULLS**t. If I were you. I'd break up with her, never respond to her emails, texts, or even answer her phone calls. Not even to tell her how low you think she is. Completely shun her out of your life. Think about it. SHE cheated on YOU. SHE says YOU have the problem. Think logical man, and be a man. Kick her to the curb. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I'm obsessed with her Exactly. You don't want her back because you love her, want her for who she is. You want her back because your hurt and you think it will make everything better. It won't. This girl is toxic. Look at it this way...if a friend was going through your exact situation, what would your advise be to him? Honestly. Take that advice and get away from this girl. You deserve better and you know it. Link to comment
DelG Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Hi There, She cheated on you 3 or 4 times and laid the blame on you. You are now saying you want her back and that you are going to change to suit her? Friend are you crazy? I know how you are feeling, I know you are missing her but going back to her and changing to suit her is just plain wrong. She should of loved you for who you are, She should not of cheated on you and then laid blame at your door. That's all BS i'm sure you were exciting its just she wants to cake eat. I have been in your situation and am just coming out of it. Its been long and dark, but I tell you when reality hits you, when all the crying and sorry have been done... You see that the girl is just not good enough for you. Stop talking to her, cut her lose, at best let her prove to you she really is sorry and that you are good enough for her? don't be taken in my all the "I'm Sorry" and don't for the love of god start changing to suite her!!! As this will be a precursor to the rest of your relationship. If you do get back with her, make it clear she has to be open and honest and that life is for having fun and doing things, but not all the time. Ask your self this question: If you were married and had kids, and things got tough which they could well do despite how much money or what you have, could you trust her not just to take off or start playing away again because she is bored. Go out and find another girl, there is better out there. I thought nobody was better than my ex, she was Sexy, Hot, Italian... we were together 10 years but she was also a cheat. I have an amazing GF now she is not as hot as my ex she carries a few pounds extra, but you know what? She is 10 times better in bed, 10000000000 times more caring, not at all self obsessed and she makes me smile and feel comfortable we have so much fun and laugh so much, in other words she is amazing.. and that to me makes her so much more hotter...And before anybody says I am only talking about looks... I am not i am just showing that there is always better out there in many ways... I have learnt that lesson well. Just let her go, she has effectively decimated your 3 years together, you will always have to think am I entertaining her enough to keep her... Want to live like that? She needs flirting so much, she needs to cheat?? Dude forget that...She is an attention seeker. Jason Link to comment
appleguy Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 It's been said that in breaking up, it's not the person you miss, it's the sex. Find someone else to help ease the transition, she is not worth being cheated on! If they can do it once they can (and likely will) do it again. Link to comment
SayWhen Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 This is a very unhealthy situation to be in emotionally, and possibly even physically if she is sleeping around so much. As another poster said, get tested for STD's. You need to have her out of your life. As much as it may hurt at first, it will hurt so much more in the long run if she keeps cheating on you and then potentially leaves you for someone else after you have stood by her infidelity. Good luck...I know this must be tough for you. Link to comment
philove Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Get rid of her she will never change, I have been cheated on before and I know the pain you're feeling. It's her with the problem not you. You should never have to change yourself for anyone, if she loved you she would never cheat and she wouldn't want you to change. Man do yourself a favour and kick her out of your life. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Her cheating that many times is NOT your fault. No matter what you do to please her she will still end up cheating because that is her character. This is about HER not you. If you want to make changes in yourself by all means...do it for yourself and for the next relationship. Don't change yourself for her because she certainly won't appreciate it and would just find some other thing to pick on about you which she will blame for her cheating. This woman is not worth your time. Make sure you get tested for STDs. Link to comment
LostBoy2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 Thanks for the advice everyone.. Problem is, I feel like ive lost all my friends.. Im only 21, the girlfriend is 19... I had actually planned on being with her forever..?! Like my mind has been blown.. I'm depressed, antisocial, paranoid, I can't sleep, I have no interest in doing anything.. For the last 4 months Ive just laid around my house and started at the roof.. Ive been eating junkkkk, when my whole life I was a good eater.. its like I can't control my thoughts? I just lay around and think about everything.. like how I could have prevented all of this. On top of her cheating on me, I lost my job.. my uncle died, and now I've pretty much lost all my friends. While shes out having the time of her life, and not caring about anything.. I feel really lost.. I've went to a doc, and he said hes gonna send me to a psychiatrist.. Im pretty scared. The last thing I want is to end up on meds for the rest of my life.. To me, going back with her would probably be the only thing to save me. Link to comment
froggyday Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 If it was just once, then maybe there would be a chance, but since she cheated with multiple partners, then she'll only do it again. You do want to get tested for STD's, I thought that since my husband was only with one other person, that there wouldn't be much risk, but now I've found out I have 2! So you want to get checked just to be sure! Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I doubt you lost your friends. I'd be willing to bet they'd welcome your friendship back. Most guys I know, at one point stopped hanging out with their friends for a girl. Most of them did it once, but only once. Lesson learned. There should be plenty of time for both. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Losing your job can spiral a person downhill...couple that with a partner who treats you like crap (cheating on you multiple times is treating you like crap) and it is no wonder you are depressed. Going back to her would make you feel even worse because then you would be settling for someone who constantly betrays you. Make new friends, get yourself out there and focus on your own life and getting a new job. This woman is not the answer to your happiness...she is only the answer to your depression. Forget her and focus on getting your own life in order. Serial cheaters do not make good partners. Link to comment
DelG Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Please dude the only person who can save you...Is you. Don't think that she can save you... She will just make you worse in the run. Look she is out having fun not caring one Iota about you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself down, Go get a job, quit the Junk food get back to your friends. You will have more chance of getting her back, and more chance of her crawling back to you and then you having the option to tell her to Kiss both sides of your ass, or taking her back if your get your self sorted out. I guarantee you once she See's your back on form...she will be back. But while your like you are, through no fault of your own (It will be if you allow it to carry on) she wont even bat an eyelid at you. I tell you this from experience. Jason Link to comment
LostBoy2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 Again, thanks for the help guys... Like, I feel like im losing my mind.. See, the thing is, I feel so depressed that I can't even have a good time, and thats why im losing my friends. I've TRIED to go out and have fun, but its like I can't.. The other night me and a few of the boys went for a fire, and sat there for 5 hours, drank my beers, and didnt say a word..? I mean who wants to hang out with someone like me.. I've got an appointment for mental health to see if theres something wrong with me. When I was younger, I did alot of drugs.. Like in highschool, im almost thinking maybe I've got some damage done upstairs that came to the surface through this..? My problem is that I don't look at any other girls now.. I mean this girl I was with, is absoultly beautiful... I was really close to her family, even her grandparents.. They gave me the sense of being welcome into a family that I never got from my own. We've got alot of history and helped eachother through alot.. I just feel like I can't let her go. Because soon enough I'll watch her settle with one of my buddies, and it'll kill me inside.. I've actually thought about killing myself, which is NOT the normal me.. usually im a really happy, easygoing, funny guy.. I've always been like that. But now I just feel so numb.. Like when I heard about all of this, I didn't even get mad.. I just got this really weird feeling in my head.. Like she LIED to me constantly about cheating... I know shes bad for me.. But I feel like I don't have anyone else.. For example one day I was at work, wiring a house, she came, dropped me off lunch, kissed me, told me she loved me, and then went and picked up some guy and had sex with him.. then came to my house after. I want to let go, I just really don't know how.. She keeps telling me she wants to be with me.. I'm so confusedd, and like I said, I havent slept in like.. well. 6 days now..? Link to comment
KG Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and begin living a new life. Without this toxic person in your life. If your Doc wants to send you to see someone...go. He will help you. You can't lay around obsessing about a serial cheater. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I think you should follow your docs advice and see a psychologist/ psychiatrist - just because he did the recommendation doesn't mean you are suffering from a mental disorder, or that you need to be on medication for the rest of your life. All it means that you are currently in a state of mind out of which you do not seem to be able to pull yourself out. Having some professional support will help you get through this phase. it's a least worth a try. You still have the option not to follow the advice. So what do you have to lose? Link to comment
loulee Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 you are seriously co dependant on this girl and this fantasy future that you want so very much to believe is real..Its like your hanging on for dear life, and in complete self denial, about what you want to believe is the ONLY thing in your life to complete you and make you happy.(her) You are not even aware of what makes you happy....you need some urgent counseling and medication to stop you feeling such despair..This girl knows she can walk all over you and does without a backward glance. the more you allow HER to disrespect you..the less SHE will respect you in return. Get off this merry go round..Make it happen..only you can...GET out..get help..get some direction.....you will recover from this and a happy life awaits you ...you just havent discovered what that is yet...pave your way to a better life.....this woman is like a drug addiction to you..break the cycle... Link to comment
sabasmith Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 Hello; I really do not know how old you are but this women sounds like she is really playing mind games with you. You sound like a good man. Never let a women tell you , that you are boring do you know what she is really saying to you? She is sayingg that she wants a man that is abusive to her and treat her like crap. She does not want a good man. she wants a thug. I am a women who has spent my adulthood being kind to the men that I had relationships with, and everytime I was cheated on. I have been in a relationship for eight years and 2 hours ago I caught him with another women. I am devasted but I will tell you one thing . iItreated him like a king . I was there for him. It was his choice to cheat on me. I know in my heart I deserve better. It is so over. Never let a women make you feel like you are not worthy of the best that life has to offer. Do not try to please her by changing who you are. If you want to try new things then make sure you are doing it for yourself not some women. Stay strong /Signed A REAL WOMEN Link to comment
sabasmith Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 You gave him great advice but the things you said about your new girlfriend " she is not as hot as your old girlfriend and she carries a few extra pounds. If you truly liked your new girl you would not be comparing her to your ex and saying such hurtful things about the new girl Link to comment
yeawutever Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 First of all get tested for STD's and then you may consider whether you want her back or not but seriously she is bad news. She obviosuly has no respect whatsoever for you and will cheat on you again. Better cut your loss with her and move on with your life. Link to comment
loulee Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 I feel for you i know what you must be feeling right now and how diffiicult it is to deal with this type of pain I admire that you recognise immediately that cheating is not your fault nor should you accept ANY blame. If there are any problems at all in any relationship this would have to be the lowest form of abuse for a partner to endure .. good luck to you and stay strong... Link to comment
LostBoy2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Author Share Posted March 15, 2009 Hey people.. I'm still really confused. I feel like I've been on this rollercoaster forever..? The last 4 months seem like a BLUR... I find that I'm just being played by this girl, but I CAN'T stop talking to her..? I abused MDMA when I was younger.. I've been off it now for 3 years.. and for some reason I think it's had some kind of effect on my coping skills? or my ability to let people go? I mean since I found all of this out, I've done nothing but blame myself.. I haven't even gotten mad at the ex..? And yet i still talk to her, tell her shes beautiful, tell her I miss her..? Its weird as hell. I'm to the point now where I think im rediculously depressed.. Just because im addicted to her, and I don't want to be. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I have no enjoyment in the usual things in my life (i.e music, video games, other girls, friends..).. I'm only 21, and it feels like this girl ripped everything out from inside me. I just lay around my room all day, with this weird feeling in my head, reading stuff from other people on here.. and its been FOURRR MONTHS.. not FOUR weeks.. How long is this gonna go on for..? I really don't know how to stop talking to her.. It's like shes the only one who gets me for who I am? Since all of this, I've had SO many good girls try to talk to me, and get me away from her.. but its like I keep abusing myself by talking to her? Its link removed Since we broke up, all my closest friends seem to have moved in on her.. I'm pretty sure she has had sex with a few of em'.. and its making me paranoid as hell. Everywhere I go, if one of my buddies is txt'ing, i think they're txt'ing her.. Its drivin me craaazy.. and I haven't slept in like.. Foreverrr..? Ive got an appointment with mental health, but its a month away.. i dunno if i can make it that longgg Link to comment
DelG Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 You gave him great advice but the things you said about your new girlfriend " she is not as hot as your old girlfriend and she carries a few extra pounds. If you truly liked your new girl you would not be comparing her to your ex and saying such hurtful things about the new girl Hi I understand what you are saying...But I was not comparing... In reality I was just trying to explain that when You only have eyes for your ex its hard to see past other peoples flaws..or what you see as flaws.. But when you do its often the case that you find better. I was just trying to make an example but it came out wrong.. My new girl is all those things I said and yes she is different, but I love her. Link to comment
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