Can his words be trusted?

[guest2345]

I've been dating this man since May 08, casually at first and then what I assumed to be more steady. We're semi-long distance now something that started in September, but there's only been a period of four weeks with us not seeing one another and when I do fly to his country as I am now, it's a long visit - I've been here for almost three months.

 

Well being here for this long got me to wondering where he saw us going especially as he's introduced me to some of his coworkers / friends as "his friend" though I've been the only woman he's taken around them since his last gf a relationship that badly ended in 2007.

 

Also something came up that makes me question things. He likes to use my computer as he doesn't have one and the other day when I came to log into my aim he'd left a couple of session open. They were from former coworker/friends he'd met back in my home country (where he met me) and I didn't think anything of it until I saw that she asked him if he and I were in love if I were his girlfriend and he responded "ha! nope!" Another asked how many girlfriends he has playa and he responded "ha! none..." And a couple of other things.

 

Now I know that with those particular people, they gossip and he is a private person. But the way they were both answered causes me grave concern.

 

So told him he'd left his aims open and then I asked him where we stood, what was I to him and he said all of the things I mentioned (friend/partner/lover) and that he did care for me and asked if I could be patient with him to figure things out. He's a very private person and doesn't want people in his business. He is scared of giving his heart completely as the woman before stomped on it. This is actually verifiable as I've heard it from his friends and even her brother who amazingly enough remains his best friend (they met because of his ex gf). The breakup and aftermath was pretty bad.

 

The thing is, I want to believe him but the "ha! nope!" and "ha! none..." comments to his friends makes me feel like I'm this semi-undercover lover who he doesn't want certain circles to know about. His family and good friends and coworker know that I exists to what capacity I'm not sure, but to this other group of people I feel as if he still wants to continue to be known as single and I cant' figure out why other than what my imagination spouts out.

 

He makes me feel wanted and his actions in my presence speak volumes but little things here and there make me question his sincerity. I feel like every time I pull away he does or says something that I'm satisfied with and I let my guard down and am okay with the response. But... honestly I need some outside opinions as I'm at a lost.

 

Btw he never did confirm that I was indeed a girlfriend just said I was all the things I mentioned and more. Half of me is satisfied and the other half is very very causcious.

[25thfloor]

So told him he'd left his aims open and then I asked him where we stood, what was I to him and he said all of the things I mentioned (friend/partner/lover) and that he did care for me and asked if I could be patient with him to figure things out. He's a very private person and doesn't want people in his business. He is scared of giving his heart completely as the woman before stomped on it. This is actually verifiable as I've heard it from his friends and even her brother who amazingly enough remains his best friend (they met because of his ex gf). The breakup and aftermath was pretty bad.

There is your answer. it's been 10 months and you get nothing more than that? he sounds like he is not serious about you. the fact that he had a bad break up? a lot of men use that to keep their distance. we've all been hurt. we learn to get over it. if you enjoy being with him, then stick around, but if you want something deeper, i wonder if he is able to give you that. the IM would have really hurt my feelings after being with someone for 10 months. good luck.