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Almost seems hopeless.


SpaceMonkey

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I cant seem to find help anywhere else or advice for this problem. My girlfriend and I have been together for a year. We're very close and we spend every day together, we are very open and know a lot about each other. I know I can tell her anything and she does the same for me, we do everything for each other, take care of each other and look out for one another and are very much in love. We've had our relationship tested when we had a serious illness scare a while back, but in the end we both got through it even though it was a hard time that cost us a lot of money and time. There is a pretty serious problem though. She has always been jealous, of everyone. My friends, my family and even my ex-girlfriends, who I no longer associate with and she knows this. I constantly reassure her but she is always assuming that I prefer the copany of someone else over her, she sees me spending time with anyone else as an act of betrayal to her. She demanded that if I cared about her that I would stop seeing all of my friends permanently. I'd like to argue that I would never ask her to do that but she hates social functioning in any stretch of the word, she has no friends, acquaintances and any time she spends with her family she spends yelling at and arguing with them and then complaining about how she wants to be away from them to spend time with me. Because of that I cant use her friends and family as an example of how she would feel if I did that to her. It has been months since I had any contact with my friends and my contact with my parents has become strained and awkward. She also feels it is necessary to call and text me at all hours of the day. As soon as she drops me off at home she calls me while she drives back to her house and if I want to go for a walk she insists on calling me. I love her but my idea of a relaxing walk is not having a cell phone pressed against my face as I stroll down the street. If I try to tell her this she takes it as me not wanting to talk to her and rejecting her so to avoid arguments and tension I dont even go for walks anymore. I cant even go to the store or anywhere further than my yard because she hates my parents and considers driving the car they help me pay for to be "taking favors from them." She says this because my parents dislike her due to the fact she didn't want me to spend time with them anymore, so taking favors from them is an immediate insult to her dignity. When I tried to tell her I wanted to balance out my life by still spending time with her but also managing my time wit my friends and family she became extremely upset and told me I should be more concerned with "Creating a balance only between me and her, and as long as I do that my friends and family won't matter." I can't explain to her why that won't work for me because her perspective is very strange. She alienated the friends she had in the past, has no intent of trying to patch things up and constantly talks about how they were "lower than her anyway and dont matter." She has no remorse hurting anyones feelings and severing ties between her and others as long as it isnt me. Aside from all of this she treats me like a king and makes incredible sacrifeces for me but I feel like I am deprived of living a real life. I dont want to meet other women, or check out hot girls or any of that junk, I just want to see my friends and family again. (Also my best friend is gay but he's never exhibited gay tendencies in the 6 years that I've known him but she percieves him as a threat to our relationship, even though he's clearly not interested in me like that and has never been interested in his straight friends.) I've talked to her about it countless time but he answer is always the same "It just irks me out! its like you hanging out with a girl behind my back!" She wont listen to any reasoning and tells me the only reasonable thing is that I dont see my friends anymore. She hates everyone but me, her coworkers were evil to her, her fellow students are disgusting to her, her friends in the past are worthless to her, so she doesnt understand. She thinks because all she needs and wants is me, all the time that I should feel the same way. What do I tell her!? I dont want to leave her but I do want to live my life. I'd like to be able to drive the car to the grocery store and see a movie with my friends, I dont even drink! I have never cheated on her or acted shady or anything, Ive always been straightforward, theres no reason for this. I just want things to work out though, I don't want to resort to leaving her.

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Wow, talk about being extremely overbearing and insufferable. There's nothing wrong with having friends, and she's making you feel guilty for even talking to them. Set the ground work out again and let her know how you feel. Just tell her everything that you said on here. If she doesn't understand, then I'd consider breaking up with her. There's no reason why you should be miserable like this.

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ridiculous. she is a control freak. don't let her dictate your life like this anymore - if she really loved you she would NOT be acting like this and trying to consume your entire life. you need to have a serious sit-down talk with her about how her behavior is affecting you. this is NOT normal.

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also, if she refuses to listen to your side of things, maybe the threat of a breakup will clue her in to how completely unacceptable her behaviour is. i don't normally condone that type of ultimatum but if you've already tried communicating with her about everything it might be the only way.

 

and i would take a step back and seriously consider being with someone like this. the behaviour she is exhibiting is not reasonable or rational in any way and i would be extremely careful of seriously committing to a person capable of "hating" every single person in her life other than her boyfriend.

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your gf is defenitively in love with you and for whatever reason she might be scared of loosing you is defenitively the reason she acts the way she does. you probably treat her better than anyone else has and she probably feels more related to you than to anyone else. i dont know what makes her angry but whatever it is, it is taking a toll on other people beside you, her family and friends that she "hates". i dont think she hates them she probably just gave up on understanding them and trying to get approval from them. since your relationship is mutual in love why not just try counseling?

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I couldnt have this, absolutely stifling! I would want to get out!

 

If you want to stay with her, you need to be very firm with her but also reassuring at the same time. Don't give in if she cries to you. It's not fair that she puts this pressure on you and stops you seeing your friends. I despise this.

 

It's gonna be a hard road to put a stop to this. It is definitely going to be a shock to her system and she will rebel against it.

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Definetely not a good situation to be in, it sounds like she has a huge problem with controlling behaviour and you have a problem with caving in to emotional blackmail!

I've been in this situation before and know others that have as well, so far unless the person isn't willing to acknowledge and deal with their behaviour it tends to end and it can take a while to heal from this.

She's cutting off your support system and pretty soon you'll feel that there's no'one else in the world that is a friend to you but her - this is a very isolated and lonely place to be. Rebuilding relationships with people that you've cut off because of her can certainly be done because people understand what's happened more than you think.

If she's unwilling to admit what she's doing, accept your feelings etc I would move on - don't get me wrong, I know how hard it is but you need to also accept that your life is equally as important and your partner should be enhancing your happiness, not quashing it.

Don't let someone treat you like this, be strong and live the life you want to live not the lives others want you to.

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Bunny boiler!? I don't know what that means but it doesn't sound good.

 

Watch the movie Fatal Attraction. It's another way of saying she's nuts in the female stalker kills you in your sleep kind of way.

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