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Okay ENA'ers, I need your infinite wisdom...

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Folks, please tell me what you make of this one...


I met a guy at Open Mic Night a few weeks ago (we're both guitar players). He's cute, funny and incredibly talented so we exchanged contact info and have been chatting on MSN and e-mail ever since.


We've been making loose plans to get together and collaborate musically and he's been hinting at "getting together" in other ways, too.


Here's the problem - the more we talk, the more I really, REALLY like him. I think about him constantly but I'm 2 months into NC, he's divorced... neither of us is ready for a serious relationship. But I know that if we end up sleeping together I'm going to fall for him and I can't handle that right now. On the flip side, he's a cool guy, amazing guitarist and good friend so I don't want to cut him out completely.


This is where I need your advice. Do I jump the gun and tell him that I just wanna be his friend and musical buddy (and risk him thinking I have a few screws loose and deciding he wants nothing to do with me at all)? Or do I just carry on and deal with whatever happens when it happens?


I don't want him to think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I also don't want to lead anyone on...

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Stop overthinking it. Just let it happen. If you tell him you just want to be friends you may be depriving yourself of something that could make you really happy. Clearly he's into you, so I say take the chance and see what happens with this guy, if it works out great and if it doesn't its just one of a billion romances that was destined for failure, no big deal. I understand when you say that your only 2 months into a breakup and he's kind of in the same boat, but part of moving on is finding someone else. So stop thinking and start acting!

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Your story is similar to mine. I broke up with my ex for the FIRST time back in April of last year. During the breakup, met this amazing guy. He's a musician--I tend to be very attracted to musicians--I was overwhelmingly attracted to him. But he told me right off the bat that he was going through a divorce, and not looking for a relationship. I told him that was ok-that I had just gone through a breakup, and I was still in love w/my ex.


It took me a while to get up the courage to do anything physical with him. It just didn't feel right for the longest time. Well, not long after we finally slept together, my ex came back into the picture, wanting me back. We got back together, much to the disappointment of the new guy. The new guy ("G") and I stayed friends, though-he had become friends w/my friends, and we both hung out at the same bar for karaoke on Tuesday nights.


A couple of times, he flirted with me, but I was always respectful of my rel'ship, and nothing happened.


After my ex and I broke up for the last time, G and I ended up sleeping together again. It's weird, though, because now we're such good friends. I guess you could say we're in an FWB situation.


We've been seeing each other regularly and sleeping together since my breakup in December, but we're not using the "r" word anymore (relationship). His divorce was final 2 weeks ago.


Honestly, I have been letting him set the pace. Giving him space-not pressuring him-just enjoying what we have in the moment...but not cutting off my other options. I've still been seeing other guys. I don't know how sustainable this is, because I am starting to have feelings for him. But he talks now about doing other things with me besides just sleepign together, so I think that is a good sign.


Eventually, I will probably talk to him about my feelings, and if he doesn't reciprocate, I'll have to decide from there what to do. If he tells me he doesn't want anything deeper with me, I will probably walk, because the feelings are growing too strong.


But even if he turns me down, I have to say, I don't regret getting involved with him. We've gotten along great and had wonderful times together.


So I guess what I'm saying is...don't jump too far ahead of yourself. You never know what may happen. You might want to do the reverse of me...start as friends, then see if it leads to anything romantic.

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I'd let it happen, but be a bit cautious on the way. You could just keep seeing him without calling it anything (friendship nor dating), and take it slow. If you flirt a bit, and notice that he is giving you all the right signals as well, you could start dating each other and again take it slow seeing that both of you are fresh out of relationships.


I think it's a very good sign in terms of healing, that you are liking someone but not chasing him directly NOW- it seems to me that you are starting to be ready for a new chapter and not rebounding.


Is his divorce final, btw?

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Maverick - You're right, I need to stop worrying and start doing, albeit at a reasonable pace. Thanks for the tough love.


Sandrawg - That's good advice. Slow and steady without expectations makes a lot of sense (you always do, though!)


Arwen - Thanks for your reply. No, his divorce isn't finalized yet (few more months) but his ex is on the east coast of Canada and we're near the west coast.

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