Is it just PMS?What should I Do?

[dreamz]

Hey everyone,

 

I have been dating this wonderful girl, for about 5 months now. We are very happy together and are pretty serious about a future together. We are both in our mid twentys and we are students.

 

However, there are some days when she is just not herself. When I call her she talks to me like I am the last person she wants to talk to, she doesnt say anthing bad, but her voice is so irritated and impatient.

 

She snaps at me for small things. Like when I asked her if she had had lunch that day, she said, I will eat when I am hungry, you dont have to keep reminding me. We usually ask each other that and tell the other person to eat on time if they havnt eaten. But on some days she will get mad at me for asking that.

 

Then when I see her at school, she just says hi and walk away as if she doesnt even know me. Today the only conversation we had was "Hi" " I am going to the lcture" and "Bye".

 

It really hurts me when she behaves this way and I am not sure what to do. It happens around once a month or something. Sometimes, I get irritated when shes like this and then even i try to avoid her so that I dont say something mean to her. But I do realize this might be due to hormones acting up or something.

I just want to know what should I do to avoid getting upset and angry when shes this way? I dont want to get all sad and depressed when shes this way. What should I do?

 

Please someone help me ](*,)

[1MoreChance]

you poor sweetheart

 

I'm sorry she treats you that way sometimes.

 

well 1st of all i would gently tell her how you feel when she behaves this way.

 

it could be (partly?) due to PMS but becoming aware of this she would have to do some breathing exercises or something, to not take it out on you... like she could tell you that right now she is having a hard time and needs 1 minute to calm herself. she does need to become aware of how much this hurts you.

 

I suggest journaling everyday, according to her cycle days, just writing down symptoms, general energy level, any irritability, and general mood (depressed, anxious, positive, calm, etc.)... so she starts with day 1 of her cycle, which is the first day of her period. every day she notes her symptoms. (and any related events such as a conflict with you or others). This should help her determine whether it is hormone related.

 

about the reminding her to eat everyday, and such, this can be very irritating to a partner, it's like parenting a child. Ask her how she feels about such comments and care-taking attitudes you may have. she may feel it is a bit too much.

 

I wish you a lot of happiness

[sosilver]

Sounds like PMS, I used to get moody like that and annoyed at little stuff for no reason, and my then bf would suggest it to me and I would get soo mad at him. Little things annoyed me and it put a stress on the whole relationship. Then I read up on it, and now I can recognize my behavior and when I do get annoyed I tell myself to calm down.

 

Have you tried to talk to her about it?

[dreamz]

About the eating thing, she likes it when I do that usually, just not on some days I guess.

 

We havnt really talked about it, but last month she acknowledged herself about how well I handled her when she was cranky and irritated due to the hormones. She said she was happy how patiently I dealt with her and she was proud of me for doing that. She was very angry one day, then sad and teary eyed the other day.

I remember she even said she was sorry because she treated me that way.

 

But maybe I wil try talking to her in a week or so. But not really sure what should I say to her.

[sosilver]

I think maybe you should just avoid her during that time of the month, and try not to take her behavior personally. Some people are better at letting go and some people will take it to heart. Its great you want to be there for her but she also needs to help herself by recognizing and dealing with her emotions before she says something hurtful to you.

[1MoreChance]

 

But maybe I wil try talking to her in a week or so. But not really sure what should I say to her.

 

tell her how you feel, when she acts that way, that it hurts you. and that you love her and want her to be happy.

[dreamz]

I think maybe you should just avoid her during that time of the month, and try not to take her behavior personally. Some people are better at letting go and some people will take it to heart. Its great you want to be there for her but she also needs to help herself by recognizing and dealing with her emotions before she says something hurtful to you.

 

tell her how you feel, when she acts that way, that it hurts you. and that you love her and want her to be happy.

 

So I think I should avoid her during that period and try not to take it personally.

And try talking to her at a later time, telling her how her behaviour makes me feel.

That seems like the only logical thing to do.

[girl68]

Well I'm pretty emotional and irritable during my time of the month as well. So even though it's hard on you men for having to deal with it, please don't think that we're all fine and dandy while we're going through it either. I know I'll cry if I can't find a pen, if the lock on the door won't turn or if my favorite TV show isn't a new episode- I'll just ball. Or I might freak out on my boyfriend if his shoes weren't put on the rack, didn't hang his clothes up, didn't come kiss my grumpy butt when I come home etc. It isn't fun for us and it isn't fun for you.

 

So the solution for me and my bf I warn him when it's my time... I usually just say my belly hurts, my lady time is coming. He knows what I mean and comforts me with my cramps. He tries to be less irritable, and gives me a touch more space or more attention which ever I am craving. But at the same time I try to keep hold on my emotions (hard at times of course). And sure, I'll get mad, he'll try his best we'll kiss make up and cuddle.

 

Maybe ask her to warn you when it's coming as well as express how you try not to upset her. And maybe she'll be a little better at controlling herself. To some degree she can control some of her EMO moments and outbursts. Hopefully you can both try to keep a hold of yourself during "that time".

[BoddenProBowler06]

My girlfriend gets like this quite a bit but I've gotten used to it. Just take a step back and give her some space. Be more aware of the things you say to her during this time.

[mca1975]

I get like this, I get quite bad. I am quite defensive with my boyfriend anyway at the best of times. We have moved on so much from my initial fears of intimacy and I would say we are generally quite happy. I just get so irritable and angry when I have PMS. Sometimes I cry over the stupidest things (like paying council tax, lol).

 

Things is, if I snap at my boyfriend during this time, he takes it quite personal, which he shouldn't. I've told him not to. He's quite good really and offers to rub my belly etc. (bless him), but sometimes he just doesn't think and will get all silly and playful at a time when I am just not in the mood for silliness, so yeh, he gets snapped at. lol

 

For instance, he does this "shaking" thing that is actually really funny (its ok, he doesn't shake me violently or anything, lol), but he actually tried to do it last night when I said I had a belly ache and was tired - stupid. lol

[PsychGirly]

How often does this occur? If it's just about once a month, then it probably is PMS. If it's more often, she may even be bipolar or have other serious issues.

 

I wouldn't say, "Thanks for being so patient with me" if it was PMS lol That's something everyone should understand because it's natural to be moody at that time of the month. However, if I knew I had a problem (bipolar disorder, anger managment issues), then I'd be thankful if someone was willing to put up with me.

 

Not sure, just saying be careful. 5 months is still very fresh, & it isn't enough to get to see all sides of a person. Just keep your eyes open.

[Nutz]

PMS is not an excuse for mistreating others. Regardless if it's that time of the month you deserve better and if she can't be respectful then you need to find someone else who is, IF you value being treated with respect and courtesy. I mean if you don't mind the occasional verbal abuse then by all means stay with this woman. Personally I don't tolerate such misbehavior.

[girl68]

PMS is not an excuse for mistreating others. Regardless if it's that time of the month you deserve better and if she can't be respectful then you need to find someone else who is, IF you value being treated with respect and courtesy. I mean if you don't mind the occasional verbal abuse then by all means stay with this woman. Personally I don't tolerate such misbehavior.

 

Moodiness is "mistreating others?". And unless you're a woman (nutz seems quite masculine) with raging hormonal changes at a certain time of the month you can't speak like you'd know how it is to go from perfectly happy to missing a green light while driving and crying becasue you have to stop (for example).

 

I mean if it really is only moodiness then really, learn to deal with it. She can do her part but you can do yours too.

[Nutz]

Moodiness is "mistreating others?". And unless you're a woman (nutz seems quite masculine) with raging hormonal changes at a certain time of the month you can't speak like you'd know how it is to go from perfectly happy to missing a green light while driving and crying becasue you have to stop (for example).

 

I mean if it really is only moodiness then really, learn to deal with it. She can do her part but you can do yours too.

 

 

Bull * * * * . Just because you're moody or emotional doesn't give you the right to mistreat others. It amazes me sometimes how American women expect special treatment like this. Case in point, women abroad do NOT behave differently when they're on their period because they're not given a free pass and are held accountable for their actions and behavior. It's a uniquely western thing to see women go crazy that time of the month. Elsewhere they keep that crap in check.

 

Again, just because you're a woman does not exempt you from behaving appropriately and acting in a civil manner. If you're so bad off then don't be around others. Lay down and pop a midol. You don't have any right to dump on others.

[girl68]

Bull * * * * . Just because you're moody or emotional doesn't give you the right to mistreat others. It amazes me sometimes how American women expect special treatment like this. Case in point, women abroad do NOT behave differently when they're on their period because they're not given a free pass and are held accountable for their actions and behavior. It's a uniquely western thing to see women go crazy that time of the month. Elsewhere they keep that crap in check.

 

Again, just because you're a woman does not exempt you from behaving appropriately and acting in a civil manner. If you're so bad off then don't be around others. Lay down and pop a midol. You don't have any right to dump on others.

 

Case in point: I'm not American, thanks.

 

You completely disregarded my question I asked you if being "moodiness" means mistreating people- I don't THINK SO...

 

And I'd really appriciate if you didn't point out that ALL American women act like this as if it were a fact. Nor can you speak as if you know all "women abroad". Please. Do you know all American women? I didn't think so.

[dreamz]

To clear the air

-She does not "mistreat me", she just gets very moody and easily irritated

-I understand the reason she does so, I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to make her feel better and not take it personally.

-Shes not American, neither am I.

 

Thanks to everyone who gave their valuable inputs and examples

[sosilver]

Hope you guys talked and things are easier by that time next month.

You sound like a very understanding guy, I am sure things will get bettr

[girl68]

To clear the air

-She does not "mistreat me", she just gets very moody and easily irritated

-I understand the reason she does so, I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to make her feel better and not take it personally.

-Shes not American, neither am I.

 

Thanks to everyone who gave their valuable inputs and examples

 

I also don't think I mistreat my guy during that time... I'm just a little moddy and irritated!

 

So first things, ask to be warned when that time is coming. At least then you won't be wondering "what the hell?" when something goes down! I just rub my tummy and say ohh my belly hurts... he knows that means I'll have my grumpy pants on for a the next few days.

 

Whatever it is she wants during that time give it to her (within reason- duh) Like me, I like to have my alone time to watch my stupid girly what not to wear, gossip girl, and rich bride poor bride silly shows. I just sit on the couch watching and unwinding with these shows, he'll come by every so often ask if I want anything meanwhile he's happy playing his computer games or caring for his fish tank. Basically he spoils me a bit, asks if I want to go for a bubbletea (asian version of "coffee" and gives me lots of affection (which for me, I love). I may have a minor dramaqueen moment but he will laugh or not take me seriously, really it's not a big deal.

 

How to not take it personally, well if it's nothing over the top (as in screaming and insulting you) then just kiss her and say okay baby, whatever you like and walk away.

[servedcold]

To clear the air

-She does not "mistreat me", she just gets very moody and easily irritated

-I understand the reason she does so, I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to make her feel better and not take it personally.

-Shes not American, neither am I.

 

Thanks to everyone who gave their valuable inputs and examples

 

This doesn't sound like PMS, and her treatment of you, based on what you type in your first post, is mistreating and disrespectful, not just moodiness. Having been with the same type of person you describe a couple of times in life, IMO, her attraction for you is falling. People who are happy in love and respect their SO don't carp and crab at them, they treat them well; you should demand good treatment, and be willing to give it in return.

 

Women who start snapping at me without good reason, PMS, no PMS, bad day, bad hair day, insecure etc., don't get the opportunity to do it more than a few times. I laugh at some of my married friends who looked past this gaping character flaw and are now miserable with shrews. Be very careful with this "wonderful girl."

[Circe]

I think maybe you should just avoid her during that time of the month, and try not to take her behavior personally. Some people are better at letting go and some people will take it to heart. Its great you want to be there for her but she also needs to help herself by recognizing and dealing with her emotions before she says something hurtful to you.

 

I would second this.

 

I used to warn my husband at the apporpriate time and he'd be on the lookout for it. I get quite stressed and emotional at times like that. I'll start crying about something silly and he just comforts me without even questioning the validity of crying over something so small.

 

You sound lovely and I would not take this to heart at all if she is otherwise normal - but yes - explain to her that it worries you a bit and you just need some reassurance about where that behaviour is coming from.

 

Don't suggest PMS to her though :splat:

[teressa]

When I'm PMSing I get irritated but compliments and kindness go a LOOOONG way to solving it. If someone lets me know they care that helps a ton, and reminds me that it's just the PMS talking and I can calm down.