sadstuff Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Hey everyone, I was just wondering what your thought is on this. I have bumped into my ex twice in the past two days, we don’t speak to eachother and barely look at eachother.. we barely only give eachother the awkward smile. For those of you who don’t know my story my ex and I who I work with were sleeping together and I was hoping to get back together and then 4 month ago while I was still in the hopes he starts seeing this other girl from work. We all work in the same department, him and her work in the same office and I work in a attached building. We all have the same friends and there are many events that are organized that I dont go to because I dont want to see them together. I have actually become extremely close with his good friend and his goof friends gf during this whole thing and they also don’t understand his behavior. The first time one was organized I went because I wanted to try to see if I could be there with them but they made it impossible for me by being all lovy infront of me. Well 4 month has gone by since they first started dating and I kept NC during that whole time. I have absolutely no feeling for him what so ever but only this huge feeling of sad/angriness.. There are just so many little things that he could have done differently for me to accept his new relationship instead of having to go behind my back while he was sleeping with me and knew that I wanted to get back together. So here is my question, I was thinking of seeing if he wanted to have coffee with me or something just to talk and see if we can be civil, I know me being at events doesn’t bother him because he has his new girl to play with me if he has any decency left I might be able to convince him to not be all lovy in front of me since I wouldn’t do that to him. Maybe by talking to him and letting him know how I felt would remove this huge clump of nastyness that I feel towards him… I feel like I can forgive him as long as he doesn’t make it awkward for me when I do see them. What do you think? Link to comment
Seymore Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Sounds like he has little respect for you. I wouldn't count on him being civil, and I wouldn't count on your feelings influencing his actions. Link to comment
chaosa Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 It's unfortunate that you work at the same place. I would just forget him. It's been 4 months, don't lose all the progress you've made thinking you can be civil with him. Some people just stay bitter and nasty. You don't need that in your life. Link to comment
sadstuff Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 yeah I see what you guys mean.. I just dont think I have anything to lose in this situation. Either I will feel the same way in the end or things might be better. Just for background, everyone in his office really like me, we still hang out all the time and they dont understand why he treated me this way. So he really wont gain anything from being a jerk to me now, especially since Im the one trying to fix things. I just think that he will lose respect from his workmates if I tried to make things better and he is being inconsiderate. Link to comment
chaosa Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Sticky, sticky. Just remember that you both have to work with these people for the interim, or long term if you are going to keep working there. Like I said, I would just let things be, be civil to him if you HAVE to interact with him, but leave it at that. If he isn't civil back, just ignore it. You are taking the high road. Link to comment
sadstuff Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 I decided not to send the message.. I think I was just wanting things to be smoothed over between us because he is going to a concert that I want to go to in May but why should I be the one to try to be friends with him? He is the one who has done all of this to me so if anything he should be the one to approach me! Link to comment
TBE_1989 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Good for you. I know too well the problems breaking NC can cause. I was fine and HEALED after six months of NC, broke NC, and now two months later am very confused and paranoid. See my thread ''warning on longterm effects of breaking NC'', read that and other posts about how awful breaking NC can be whenever you feel tempted! Link to comment
sadstuff Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 so last night I felt pretty courageous, I messaged this guy that I have a crush on so I figured why not message the ex too right? just to try and become friends since we all have the same friends and i would like to not feel awkward when we go to the same events. So I sent him this message. Hey, So I find that it's been awkward for us in the last little while. I was just wondering if you were interested in maybe fixing this. I was thinking that we could have coffee or something and just chat us two?? I don't see any harm in trying to become friends again, because we do socialize in the same circles, go to the same events, etc. Im willing to give it a try anyways. If you are'nt interested I would just hate to think that you really don't care about trying to become friends because we did have a good run when we were together. its really simple and not mean or anything... I really dont want to feel awkward around him and his gf anymore because its just too much and I really want to move on! Well I sent him this last night and he hasn’t replied yet.. I know he checks his messages all the time and I dont understand why he wouldn’t reply because I will end up seeing him sometime next week anyways at work... this is just annoying me now do you think there was somethign wrong in my message? Link to comment
philove Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 No I don't it just shows you are dignified and mature about the whole situation. If he doesn't reply, well he's the one that will end up looking like an idiot. Link to comment
pushforward Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I'm going to give you some words that may sting, but you have to hear this from somebody. Whatever feelings between you guys, it's over. The relationship is done, because you have these ulterior motives to be his friend, like relieving your anger and frustration over the whole matter, isn't exactly the healthiest choice to continue being his friend. It's ridiculous that you still want to be his friend, regardless of work and social circle. He can't give you the closure you're seeking. It doesn't make it any easier, you're really pushing the envelope and may have hopes for a reconciliation. Things won't be any less awkward by being his friend, most likely more awkward. You don't move on by keeping that person in your life, you do it by cutting him off and keeping things civil. It's funny how you speak about forgiveness, forgiveness isn't contingent upon his behavior. It's how you feel and your state of mind. So if he doesn't make things easy for you, you won't forgive him is what I'm getting. If you didn't have any feelings for him, you wouldn't be posting about how it's annoying that he's lovey dovey in front of you. You would be indifferent. You should question your own motives and what are you really seeking? Closure comes from within, not another person. Are you setting up this coffee as a gate way into the future for reconciliation or did you just want to vent about how he makes you feel? In my opinion, you should have read every thread about breaking NC and the outcomes, a good majority resulted in more pain and discomfort. Think about it, did he really string you along? Or did you let yourself get strung? If you really do believe he strung you along, do you really want to be his friend? If you let yourself get strung, do you want to put yourself in a worse position for somebody you are vulnerable to? I'm sorry, but you should be able to see which is better for you, regardless of instant gratification, will it fulfill your needs in the long run? Link to comment
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