how come he moves on so easily?

[lemonn]

im sitting here counting away the days im strong enough to not talk to him, and he's out playing in shows in his band, and having a good time with his tons and tons of friends, not giving a * * * * . I know people will say he just doesnt show it but I know in my heart..from looking back at the end of our relationship, that he's very selfish..and doesnt really care about anything but himself. I know he's over it by now. A 2 year relationship and he can move on in smile after 2 weeks and i'm trying desperatly to keep it together.

 

god i want to call him and yell at him so bad, but i wont.

[giggidy]

2 years, and now she's off with some dude and acting like her new life is bliss. i started thinking she just represses it. but even if she's the queen of narcissism...

 

you know what?

 

deep down inside, no matter how much they may repress it, feelings eventually come out. they just do. whether it be in dreams, or manefested in another form they just do.

 

the most indicative example of how he's hurting is how happy he wants to appear. In those situations, in closed doors, why knows if he's crying himself to sleep, or just mindlessly eating cheetoes. but none the less, he is and will feel something.

 

there's been pleanty of times where i thought that she was over me only to find out that she cried herself to sleep and didn't go out of the house.

 

I'd bet sooner or later you'll be suprised too. but the important thing to remember is:

 

1. take your time and do what's right for you to feel better. if that means crying and talking to your teddy bear like i do, then do it. don't do it too fast for his sake.

2. remember that no matter what, unless he's a f*ing robot, he's going to have to deal with this * * * * one way or another. and even if he's not right now, when he does, you'll have a head start.

3. take your time and allow yourself to heal.

 

*please read this wiki article, it's been an incredible help for me

link removed

 

i wish you the best of luck, and remember we go through these things for a reason, and the more you learn from it and experience it, the happier you will be.

 

giggidy out 8)

[giggidy]

and one more thing, I learned this from when i broke my arm in a motorcycle accident, and it applies to every other kind of pain:

 

there's no easy road away from pain. there's no fast road. there may be things to dull the pain, but unless it's truly healed there's nothing but time and endurance that will cure a broken limb. and, even after it's healed, during cold nights or if you bump it wrong, there'll still be that little ache that'll keep you up at night. In a way, you'll always be reminded of how painful it was, but compared to the ache you feel now you'll look back and wonder how you did it; and you'll be stronger because of it.

 

Everyone goes through that. dumpees and dumper.

[ellandroader]

and one more thing, I learned this from when i broke my arm in a motorcycle accident, and it applies to every other kind of pain:

 

there's no easy road away from pain. there's no fast road. there may be things to dull the pain, but unless it's truly healed there's nothing but time and endurance that will cure a broken limb. and, even after it's healed, during cold nights or if you bump it wrong, there'll still be that little ache that'll keep you up at night. In a way, you'll always be reminded of how painful it was, but compared to the ache you feel now you'll look back and wonder how you did it; and you'll be stronger because of it.

 

Everyone goes through that. dumpees and dumper.

 

 

One of the most sensible posts I have seen on here. I relate totally to this not just in emotional pain, but physical too. I have had my fair share of injuries so to speak.

 

To the OP - humans are unpredictable creatures, there is no set way for someone to react to trauma. I guarantee that they feel the pain, everyone has different ways of showing it. Some of us choose to sit and grieve and work it through our system, others just want to get out and keep doing anything but. We're all different. I left my girlfriend after having to end a relationship that I didn't want to but because it was the fair thing to do. I felt terrible because it wasn't what I wanted. Long story, not going there again. She too probably thinks I don't care because I threw myself into my soccer, writing and whatever else I could. Truth is, she got to me in a way that not many people can, and I just wanted to rediscover who I was beforehand.

 

It cut deep, trust me and I know you feel hurt also. But concentrate on your own healing and do what makes you feel better.

[dreamwarrior]

Thank you for this post...I am having a very hard day...Don't want to take over this thread so I will write about it on my own post. I will say today is a year that I broke up with my ex and today is the day I called to speak to a therapist....god I feel like dog poo right now.

[Jillybean86]

1. take your time and do what's right for you to feel better. if that means crying and talking to your teddy bear like i do, then do it. don't do it too fast for his sake.

2. remember that no matter what, unless he's a f*ing robot, he's going to have to deal with this * * * * one way or another. and even if he's not right now, when he does, you'll have a head start.

3. take your time and allow yourself to heal.

 

 

 

i agree to this very much so.

[odile]

lemonn, dear, the other posters have written some very wise things that you should definitely keep in mind.

Just because he's not showing it does not mean that he won't have to process his feelings.

 

I just want to add one thing-- in my experience, there's this funny phenomena--

exes almost ALWAYS try to come back, and it's always after you've given up on them, finished crying and have moved on with yourself.

-- Mind you, I mention this only to point out a delay in dealing with emotions, and in no way am suggesting that you should take him back if/when he does come calling again.

 

In fact, it's more than likely that you'll find better elsewhere

[_ash_]

lemonn, dear, the other posters have written some very wise things that you should definitely keep in mind.

Just because he's not showing it does not mean that he won't have to process his feelings.

 

I just want to add one thing-- in my experience, there's this funny phenomena--

exes almost ALWAYS try to come back, and it's always after you've given up on them, finished crying and have moved on with yourself.

-- Mind you, I mention this only to point out a delay in dealing with emotions, and in no way am suggesting that you should take him back if/when he does come calling again.

 

In fact, it's more than likely that you'll find better elsewhere

 

this isnt my thread but this post sure has helped me thanks =]

[wishingonastar]

It's ok. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me too and doesn't show that he is sad at all. I think guys have the ability to just hide it somehow and use their mind instead of their heart. I really hope eventually the human side of them takes over and they have to deal with it, because it's not fair we feel all the pain and they stay happy. It has to catch up with them eventually.

[Pixiedoc]

Hi, well my ex says he is 'crying inside' even if he doesn't show it. One of the best ways we have to cope with grief is to immerse ourselves in our day to day lives and it helps us function. His 'role' may be to be the life and soul of the party (or band) so the smiles may be on the surface. Take comfort in the other posts and know that the instigator always has it easier, but that TRULY if it was meant to be (and if they were right for you), you would not be in this position now. My friends have told me (after the end of the most intense 2 year relationship ended) that my ex must be absolutely crazy - bear this in mind and strike out with bravery towards your future. I wish you all the best and take care.

[dreamwarrior]

A person who has been in a long term relationship whether they are the dumper/dumpee is not going to walk away without a broken heart...you don't spend a decent amount of time with a person and not feel anything.

[melpa]

I only split with my ex a few weeks ago and we had plans, things that he suggested, he has always had major commitment issues. I have known him for 6 years. He said that he loved me, but I pushed him for commitment and as usual he backed away but this time he is with another girl and I cant deal with him not caring about me. I feel so crushed.

We have spoken almost every day for 6 years, I thought this was the real thing. When I try to speak to him, he gets angry now, it must be guilt. I feel like hes throwing himself into life with this new girl and the pain is so so bad.

[Voodoodoll]

I think to the people out there that want there ex back ( I don't ) is to just act like you don't want them back, do not text them call them etc ..... block them from facebook everything, they usually do end up texting you, then ringing you, then mailing you..... they want to know if you miss them ,,,,, you tell them you're just moving on with your life, and having fun.... the less you care about them and show it, the more they want you..... When me and my ex broke up the FIRST time, he broke up wtih me because of distance....without even knowing I was doing this ( the thing you're meant to do if you want your ex back or just move on) I blocked him from facebook, I didn't text back (well not straight away and I was very blunt) , he'd ring and I would answer his questions quick and to the point and then say I have to go and do something.... the more he saw that I was moving on with my life, getting over him he did not like it.... he begged and pleaded for me back,saying he made the biggest mistake of his life etc..... i let him suffer for a few weeks and then said ok i'll take you back...7 months later i dump him, because he just was NOT putting in the effort and took me for granted all over AGAIN!!!