Wife is married, girlfriends all divorced..PROBLEMS!!

[Gage]

So..Im sure that anyone who has been married or in a relationship for a long time has had this happen...Im married to my wife for over 10 years...during that time we developed some great relationships with friends. The problem is recently the wifes have begun an "affair spree" which has led to several seperations. Needless to say this puts a great strain on friendships but the biggest strain is happenning to us. It seems now with my travelling schedule that my wife is now in a "singles" click. All her girlfriends are dating multiple guys and carrying on like there 18( most are in there 40's). This is causing some major tension and trust issues with me. I never was a jealous person. However, my wife and I had a marriage with very little sex for some time after we had kids. This past year we began having sex again, fairly frequently but, while Im away I hav a very hard time with my wife seeing her girlfriends with me knowing what they did in there past relationships. I know many will say I have to "trust" my wife and that she is "not" them but ladies...from experience how does it work when a groupf females is recently divorced and they have one friend still married?

[COtuner]

All depends on the individuals. Think about it from a different perspective, while these women are running around having "fun", financially they probably aren't going to do so well considering they were presumably the ones who caused pending divorces through their affairs. Fun and games will be over when reality hits, and it ought to make your wife appreciate what she has.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If your wife was going to cheat she would do it anyway regardless of whether or not her friends are single. I am assuming she has her own mind and conscience. If she does cheat simply because all her friends did it then that is a reflection of her character. There is not much you can do...you just have to let the chips fall where they may.

[Gage]

I try to rationalize that. Its difficult. My wife has cancelled plans with her friends on numerous occasions because of me. He friends know its because of me. I have to learn to let go. As you all said, if she was going to do something, not much I can do about it. It sux.

[Binoo]

What's her character like? Because that rarely ever changes.

Is she easily influenced by friends? Does she seem like the type that could be unfaithful in some circumstances?

 

Just because her friends are acting a certain way, doesn't necessarily mean she will.

[Gage]

Thats not her at all. She has her own mind. Its them I dont trust and by default her. Its not particularly fair to her but I cant stop the way I feel.

[birdgirl]

If your wife was going to cheat she would do it anyway regardless of whether or not her friends are single. I am assuming she has her own mind and conscience. If she does cheat simply because all her friends did it then that is a reflection of her character. There is not much you can do...you just have to let the chips fall where they may.

 

 

This is pretty much what I was going to say. And I'll add that if she ends up cheating, you'll probably be able to tell fairly easy.

[HeartGoesOn]

It's not complicated at all.

 

The married woman realizes that she is married, even when she's among a group of divorced women who are friends.

[Nutz]

Just a thought, if you're not comfortable with her going out with that group of friends, then let her know. If she continues to go out with them, then tell her you need some piece of mind and would like a post-nup (assuming you don't have a pre-nup). And if she pulls the trust card, simply explain that trust isn't the issue as obviously trust didn't do a damn thing for the men those women cheated on, so that's not a valid argument that they won't do anything. In fact, if they play the "trust card" it's just an appeal to emotion, a classic logical fallacy. So don't buy into that.

 

The fact you'd be asking for a legal document of some sort should snap her out of the fog of playtime. If it doesn't and she does cheat then at least you'll have the piece of mind of knowing exactly what to do.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I wouldn't be comfortable leaving her home and free to put herself in that kind of situation - out with her girlfriends and their new boyfriends. She is going to go out and see her old friends suddenly in love, with big smiles on their faces. There will be sparks, renewed energy and sexual tension in the air. It's intoxicating. Then, what if one of the new boyfriends happens to bring along a single guy friend or two?

 

I agree that if she were going to cheat, she would do it. But why would someone intentionally put themselves in harm's way?

 

Have you talked to her about it? In a situation like this, I would ask her if she would be comfortable if the situation were reversed. That will usually open someone's eyes as to how you're feeling.

[orangesoda]

They may be her friends, but you're her husband. And I find it kind of strange to keep really good company with a bunch of cheaters. I'd prefer my wife to keep them at an arm's length.

 

Ask her how she'd feel if a bunch of your buddies cheated on their wives, and are dating a bunch of really hot younger girls. And you're going to be spending lots of 'guy' time with them. I guarantee she wouldn't be happy about it - and if she says she wouldn't mind, she'd be lying.

 

You don't have to be jealous or jump to conclusions. But you have every right to protect your relationship and to keep negative influences out of it.

[Nutz]

I guarantee she wouldn't be happy about it - and if she says she wouldn't mind, she'd be lying.

 

100% agreed.

 

I've been saying it for a while now, the most powerful "tool" a man has when communicating with women is "How would you feel if....?" It gets women thinking from the man's perspective and evokes an emotional response which they can identify with.