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I'm beggining to wonder what's happened to him.


SilverManic
How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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My husband is begging to get quite violent. He blames things on me that couldn't possibly be my fault and if his dad says anything nasty he sticks up for him (his dad lives in my house that I pay rent for). I know his dad used to do something to my husbands mom because he said that he threw sandwiches at her when she was pregnant and that they argued a lot.

 

My daughter slapped my husband today (She's 14 months old) and my husband went mad at me and said I must have taught her that. He bent my hand back really far and really hurt it. He's slapped me in the arm before and thrown a cup at me.

 

Every time he gets angry he blames everything on me and everything is always my fault.

 

Well I heard his dad the other day when I came down the stairs. He kept saying to my husband 'your stupid, your a retard, you have no brain' and i am getting the feeling that this is not the first time his dad's been saying this stuff and that this has been going on for a while. When I went over to talk to my husband he snapped at me. Now I realize that his Dad is causing most of our arugments by putting my husband down.

 

My husband had been saying stuff to his dad and his dad said 'I never used to say that to you' but he does he's always belittled him and they used to beat him up a lot when he was a kid. So I'm wondering if thats whats caused minor out bursts on me.

 

I am being cautious and am capabile of getting myself out of it if it gets too bad. But I love him and I am trying to work out whats going on in his head. I'm scared that he's going to flip out one day.

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Your husband may have issues with his father being abusive, possibly towards him AND his mother, he must have learnt this behaviour from his dad. I'd only stay with him if he had counselling and anger management because it only get worse and once a guy hurts a girl he ususally doesnt stop.

 

Think of your daughter here, if he looses her temper at her it could be deadly.

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Your husband is being abusive to you-

 

This could get worse. I think you should leave, but you stated that you want to give him a chance.

 

If you want this marriage to have any remote chance of working:

 

a.) His father has to move out- it sounds like his father being around is a trigger for past traumatic events and it is bringing out the worst in your husband

 

b.) Your husband has to want to change, and be willing to enter anger management therapy.

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I agree with Bella, your safety comes first. You two are in harms way. Move out with your daughter, to a friend or someone. Then give him the choices she listed. If he doesn't comply, leave him.

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If loving him is more important than your safety, is it more important than your daughters? He hurt you this time.

 

His father is obviously an incredibly toxic influence, but it doesn't excuse his behaviour - just gives you a better handle on what he grew up thinking is the model for male/female relationships.

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Understandable that you have doubts because you love him but if he loves you as much, if you left to make your life better and for your daughter, it should make him think.

Why the hell is the dad living there anyway?

It's most definitely caused by the relationship between your husband and his father but whether your husband recognises that's is the question.

You should most definitely get out.

Tell him exactly why you left and that you still love him but you cannot and will not live in fear or in a toxic environment.

See if he's willing to work on it otherwise you have to worry that you will end up being like his mum.

My partners dad was an emotionally and mentally abusive man, still is though he is not in our lives...has never been welcome in mine.

I am not stupid, I know what his mother went through, I know what it's done to her and I also know that whether he sees it or not, my fiancé has similar tendencies. I know that sometimes what he says or does an be classed as abuse, just as I know he simply will NOT accept it if I told him.

However, I have a lot of patience where he is concerned...but I do not take too much and if I ever feel I am losing the energy to fight my corner, I will rip the carpet out from under him.

You've been hurt, it will get worse, you have to get out and get some space. He needs to take stock of what's really important, keeping his father around or his family and keeping them safe.

XXXX

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please get out of this relationship for your daughter's sake. you will change her deep inside, she sees hears and feels everything, you are her role models. get out or throw him out and he better get serious help should you think of returning to this relationhsip. you owe it to your child.

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