vemiermark4 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 So, I recently met this woman on a dating site. She's in my city, has a pretty good personality, looks great, but has been very wishy-washy about meeting. I've talked to her a bit on it, and she's had some bad experiences meeting people online, and I can respect that, but it's been about two weeks by now! We've talked online, on the phone, via text and such quite a bit... We just have yet to meet! Anyways, she's been exhibiting some unusual behaviors... The strangest by far was yesterday. In the morning, I asked if she was still interested, and she said she didn't know... Then we proceeded to talk for the next few hours about pretty good stuff... Then later, she expresses a little interest in meeting up later that day... Then changes her mind... Then by the end of the night says that she IS interested in me, but doesn't quite want to meet me yet. It's mind boggling! Any advice on how I can at least reassure her to a point that she'd be comfortable meeting? Link to comment
NightLily Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 She could either really be afraid of meeting men off the internet or she could be trying to lose weight before meeting you. There could be many reasons. Link to comment
KJ2008 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 she's probably worried you will not show. just reassure her you are not like other guys, and you are really interested in her. Link to comment
vemiermark4 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 She could either really be afraid of meeting men off the internet or she could be trying to lose weight before meeting you. There could be many reasons. I'd probably think that route, but we did end up talking about body types and such one day and she knows hers is my favorite Being worried about meeting guys from online makes sense though, it just seems strange after so long. KJ might be onto something, but I'm not %100 sure. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Hmmmm....it's weird that she would be on a dating site, and not want to meet. I would keep trying to talk to her on the phone. Keep it offline as much as possible. If she has any reservations about you calling her- maybe she is married or something...and lying. It just sounds very odd. Link to comment
vemiermark4 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Well... She's a bit older (25, and I'm almost 21), but I don't believe she's married, unless she is a very good storyteller. Heh. She doesn't have reservations about me calling, I don't think, but when I DID call her last night, I got no response. She didn't text back 'till a few hours later, but didn't express displeasure at it. Link to comment
girl68 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I personally don't think 2 weeks is a "long time" to know someone especially over the internet. Sounds like she's interested just give her time. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 If she is afraid to meet met from a dating site, she shouldnt be on one! 2 weeks is pretty short though, I agree. I definitely wouldnt meet after just 2 weeks, If you are interested...keep talking & hopefully she will come around Link to comment
vemiermark4 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Well, I suppose it might be comparatively long Most people I've met have been within about a week, week and a half. (For humor: once was within two hours!) But really, I'm a down-to-earth guy for the most part and don't have trouble conveying it Maybe she does just need more preperation time. I'm more worried about her just losing interest. Link to comment
russ978 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Had a similar situation, she didn't even want to give me her number but we kept messaging for a while, I joked that she could always block me from seeing her number...no call...elusive about meeting. I bailed because if after 4-5 messages, if they aren't interested in speaking or meeting, could just be some dude flirting around for all I know. Aren't dating sites about meeting people? Link to comment
l0vel0rn Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 My advice, move along. She is being way too ambivalent and that is not a good sign. Maybe she is trying to hook up with another guy but trying to keep you on the hook in case. There really is no reason to be afraid to meet someone for coffee in a very public place, with a cell phone handy, a big tough guy friend on speed dial and a planned exit strategy should you feel you just met a cyberstalker. She does not have to give you her home address or show you her car or anything else. She’s not obligated to invite you to her place or go anywhere with you if she doesn’t want to. It’s just a meet and greet. After that, she can decide if she wants to connect further with you or just enjoy the coffee and conversation and leave it at that. Whatever her problem is, I personally say start looking elsewhere because this one may simply not be worth it. Don’t limit yourself to her. People are normally on a dating site to date. That requires more than chatting online. Link to comment
AviatorsWork Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Just to be the devils advocate and think up a worst case scenario...Maybe shes a guy O_o...It's not terribly difficult to ask one of your girl friends to talk to someone, or disguise your own voice to the point that a distortion on the phone makes it sound real....People can be cruel Link to comment
vemiermark4 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Just to be the devils advocate and think up a worst case scenario...Maybe shes a guy O_o...It's not terribly difficult to ask one of your girl friends to talk to someone, or disguise your own voice to the point that a distortion on the phone makes it sound real....People can be cruel I wouldn't think this is the case. If it was, someone's going through a LOT of time and trouble for a laugh haha. I'm usually paranoid about that sort of thing myself, but I highly doubt that's the case here. Link to comment
Nutz Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 From the sounds of it she's interested, but you haven't build enough comfort for her to want to actually meet a stranger out in public. I suggest offering meet in public and do something that's low investment. Instead of having her meet at your house and going on a "date", do something that she'll be more likely to commit to, something comfortable like meeting at Starbucks for coffee one day after work to see how things go. If things click, which it could just take her getting to meet you to see you're not a nutjob, just make sure you have some other things to do together. Maybe transition to a local dive bar for happy hour, go catch some grub, and see where the night takes you. The key though is to keep it simple and as low pressure as possible, at least initially. Link to comment
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