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So, my suspicions are pretty much confirmed. He's seeing someone else and did not have the gumption to be honest with me when we talked about starting again. Instead, he carried on like he did at the end of the relationship -- did nothing, put things/me off, etc. I feel like I've been punched in the gut -- that he's found someone new and is doing all the same things he did when he was trying to 'woo' me (buying tickets to events, etc.). I just wish that I hadn't let myself fall back into it when I had been doing SO well. I had been NC for over 2 months and then we met up. I knew I should have trusted my gut and never met up with him, but he wanted to meet up. For what? Probably to make himself feel better. I'll never know. While I can look back and see that we really weren't right for eachother, my heart is not in sync with my head on that one. I think that it's more the idea of him than who he really is. Because, if I'm honest with myself, why would I want to go back to someone who hurt me so badly by being passive aggressive and pulling away instead of having an honest conversation with me? Why do I always fall for the words I'm told and not the actions? If I didn't, I wouldn't be feeling this way right now. I fell sick to my stomach...(and angry and resentful towards him)

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I am not sure what to say but don't be too hard on yourself for breaking the NC, if you care about someone it is hard to ignore them. I think you had a lucky escape to be honest. There will be someone who appreciates you as you are and will respect you enough not to lie to you.

 

At least you know things weren't right and I do think you can learn from it and move on.

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Thank you. I know that I'm better off and that had we married, I would have been in for a lifetime of the same. I just have a difficult time letting go because I believe in putting work into a relationship. However, I do understand that there needs to be balance. I really think that it's difficult for me to let go because of the familiarity of the intimacy we had and what he/that relationship represented (I honestly thought that we would spend the rest of our lives together). A lot of it is the loss of that 'ideal' for me -- settling down, marriage, starting a family. What I do know, however, is that he is destined to repeat the same mistakes with this new person, as he's not taken any time to deal with the problems he has...

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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