What is she trying to say?!?!?!?!

[redhamster]

My ex and I have developed a pretty friendly relationship since breaking up a year ago. we're both on spring break from college and are in our hometown together. We and a group of friends pay pickup soccer sometimes while at home, and I really felt like playing last night, so i texted her seeing if she thought we could get a game going. She responded saying probably not cause not many people were home, but that she'd come and pass with me if I wanted. We texted back and forth a few times, me asking if she was serious and she kept saying yes. So as it turns out she was at a friends house watching a movie with two of her friends. Keep in mind that our spring break just started and that's probably the first time she's seen them in a month and a half. So she agrees to ditch them and I pick her up and we go play soccer for a while. We talked the whole time about school, life, etc., and we were both clearly flirting the whole time. Anyway, we get in my car cause it was getting cold, but we keep talking there for a while. Then she demands that we go to 7-11 to get something to eat/drink , which seemed to me like she was just prolonging our evening. So we go and again sit in the parking lot eating and talking. We check and see that its just after midnight and we agree we should probably head home. So I drive her to her house and we sit outside in the car. We talk for another hour or so. At one point she gets really quiet and nervous, and I look over and say what?. And she says nothing it's stupid. As she's saying this my heart starts pounding thinking she's gonna say something about us. She finally says it and it turns out to be just some meaning of life question she was thinking about. Anyway, at 1:30 she finally says she should head inside, so she goes. Now I'm left wondering what is going on in her head. She couldn't possibly think that's how she treats all of her friends, or that there's nothing there. I had to stop myself from kissing her on a few occasions, and when it was all said and done, we spent four hours together last night. Anyone have any thoughts on what she might be thinking??? Thanks you guys I really appreciate the help, and if you want more background info, I've posted on these boards before. Thanks!

[JohnGalt]

After a long period of time being broken up, she probably has some residual feelings for you. Obviously you two have chemistry or you wouldn't have ended up together in the first place. Now that a lot of time has passed, maybe you guys can rekindle that flame in a new and more meaningful relationship.

 

Sounds like she was feeling you out tonight and seeing what you were like after all this time. You did a excellent job of not kissing her. Let her know that you had a great time tonight and you'd love to play soccer again soon.

 

Basically, treat her as if you guys never dated before but would want to date her now. Be cool and nice, but not too clingy or desperate. She's probably genuinely confused right now and with good reason and instead of being on ENA, she's probably getting advice from her friends. So she's probably analyzing the other night just as much as you.

 

Good luck.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Ask her out again and see what happens. Take it slow. I wouldn't do the kissy thing because that will confuse matters. If you want to get back together with her then it should be discussed BEFORE anything physical happens. I have seen too often on this forum the same type of scenario you describe...both get caught up in the moment, one thing leads to another, they make out then they end up in bed...and then in the cold light of day one person wants to get back together while the other person says "oops, we made a mistake, I just want to be friends, nothing more". So take her out, see how you two connect, and then maybe before you both leave to go back to school, broach the subject of getting back together and see what she says. Again, I strongly urge talking about it before anything physical (including cuddling) happens. Keep it strictly platonic until you know for sure where her head is at on this.

[stickman]

Very good points above. Spot on advice.

[redhamster]

thanks guys you're advice has been great. To give you guys an update, last night our mutual friend invited my ex and i to go bowling with him and his girlfriend (not as a double date just for fun) and it was such a fun evening. My ex was pretty flirtatious and made a lot physical contact (poking pushing tripping etc.), and kept saying we should do things this summer like bike into the city. I'm sure this all sounds promising, but i find it hard to believe she'll ever admit to her feelings, and in the past I've tried to and have been rejected. The hardest part, as always, is that we're together for such a short time. We'll both be heading back to school this weekend, so it seems so hopeless. It's so frustrating because our chemistry has always been fantastic.

[redhamster]

well after a week of hanging out and flirting, etc. my friend texted her last night and asked her what the deal was between us. She said that there was nothing and she hoped i wasn't reading into her too much. Now I'm angry and really depressed. Everyone who was around the two of us noticed us flirting and for her to deny it so obliviously is heartbreaking. I know some of it is not wanting to be vulnerable and, knowing she hates to admit how she feels, she might've been lying to my friend last night, but what hurts the most is not knowing for sure and continuing to latch on to any shred of hope. In my mind there was no doubt that there was something there. I would even understand it if she still liked me but was concerned about getting back together (long-distance), but i find it impossible to accept that there really is nothing there. I'm very tempted right now to call or text her, although i realize there's a 95% chance i'll end up in tears again. Is there any way to get her true feelings without revealing my own, as I have in the past? I love talking to her and I wish i could get her feelings without ruining our future friendship. Does anyone have any advice. I feel like i'm back to when we first broke up, and i need your help. THanks everyone!

[stickman]

You already know the answer....and that is to NOT contact her and drop off the planet. I know that you hurt and it is ok to feel terrible. But.... Desperation is poison to attraction.

If this person has rejected you, he or she is NOT the one for you. You might think this person is perfect in every way. No this person is not. Because this person doesn’t WANT you and the person who is perfect will want you. Not wanting you and not appreciating you and the value you bring to someone’s life is NOT a little thing. It’s a big thing. And if this person doesn’t love you and doesn’t want you and doesn’t appreciate you, then they are not perfect and their flaw is a fatal flaw and you need to reject them.