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She broke no-contact....


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(NC feels like a game to me but it is essential to healing I know)

 

My girlfriend and I broke up 5 weeks ago...we became good friends first. Since then, bar a couple of text messages a few days after, we have had no contact. I have to say it did help clear my head. We broke on amicable terms (my story can be linked if you like) but it was a case of one of us being into it and the other not and the distance, outside pressures, her apparent fear of commitment etc made things very difficult.

 

Even though I was the dumper, it broke my heart to do it but I didn't see another way forward and I wanted to try and do the kinder thing. With her kids and such potentially involved later down the line, it would have been more painful on us both had it not worked out later on had I moved there.

 

Anyhow, I sent her a letter to explain everything, let her know that I valued her in my life and I didn't regret things. It was very honest and heartfelt and my attitude was to let her know how I did feel.

 

Yesterday she contacted me out of the blue and texted me saying it had been a while, wanted to mail something to me and didn't have my address on her. I was surprised with this and of course it set all kinds of thoughts going in my mind. I guess I wasn't ready to be in contact yet. I politely gave her my address and we had a couple of messages back and forth.....of course I have no idea what she is sending but my own fear is that it will be the things I gave to her. I sincerely hope not because the gifts had a lot of thought behind them.

 

Anyone have any ideas or encouraging words? Thanks for listening anyhow...

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Maybe she still cares about you, wishes to remain friends and just wanted to see how you are getting on. If you are worried aobut this don't be in a hurry to answer her back. Or just keep the messages short and simple.

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How long was it since you last spoke with her? I really hope it isn't the gifts you gave her because that will be very hard on you. I sent back an expensive watch my ex gave me for christmas but I don't regret doing it after how she treated me.

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How long was it since you last spoke with her? I really hope it isn't the gifts you gave her because that will be very hard on you. I sent back an expensive watch my ex gave me for christmas but I don't regret doing it after how she treated me.

 

We last spoke 5 weeks ago....after talking/texting regularly for 10-11 months. I sincerely hope it isn't the gifts. Though things didn't work out, it was more a case of bad timing and circumstances, not malice and I understand that. She was aloof and distant but I don't think it was fully intended.

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As good as can be....it wasn't a spiteful breakup. I think she was shocked and I was certainly reeling from it but I have experienced and known of ones that were a LOT worse. I was at least honest and sincere with her and it was for her own benefit too.

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Did you leave any property or photos behind? She probably wont send back gifts, that is just really low. Or maybe it is just a letter.

 

Don't be too hard on her or yourself because she contacted you. She may be going through quite a deal of pain. If she continues just let her know you need to limit contact between yourselves and that you are still healing yourself.

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There won't be any personal possessions left over. Just a couple of things I gave her, one of which was of sentimental value. I also don't begrudge her getting in touch, it's just that it brought up feelings and thoughts I was trying to defeat.

 

I am sure she hurts too, she wouldn't be in touch if she didn't.

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Just an update.....it was a gift, an handmade scarf included. Though flattered by the gesture, she STILL hasn't acknowledged the letter I sent though she sent a nice friendly note.

 

I called and left a message to say thank you, she texted to tell me she was busy. I just thought, "Okay then, no need to be so cold". I spilled my heart out in the letter but she clearly has some issues. You don't go from being like we were to distant and treating others like she does.

 

This is from a girl who confessed she was falling for me, but then afterwards sabotaged the relatiionship.

 

Now I am extremely angry. I am boxing the gift with the other things she gave me and consigning them to the garage.

 

Does anyone have an opinion as to why she behaves like that?

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I think she does geniunely love you but she is scared and unsure. I think the best call of action is to give her time, perhaps keep LC (ask how she's doing once in awhile) and let her come to you. It sounds like you have a good chance of getting back together but first she needs to get her head straight.

 

I'm from Reading so i'm a poncy southerner! Have you moved out to the states?

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I don't know if I ever want her back to be honest. As hard as it is, I just don't think my love at least would ever be enough, and she would want something else instead. That is not my issue, but is hers and if she is to be as callous with me after I always gave her respect and understanding and affection, I don't know what else to do.

 

My leaving her might help her in some ways. I am inclined to think that she doesn't care.

 

So poncy southerner eh? Haha....yeah I moved here 5 years ago. It's flown by!

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It sounds like you are following your head rather than your heart and that's a good move. Ask yourself this question if she begged and pleaded you to take her back would you? If you would do you really think it would last? I took my ex back and it lasted about a couple of months until she dumped me.

 

The old saying often rings true "An ex is an ex for a reason" my friends all told me that but I refused to listen to them (I was thinking with my heart) in hindsight I wish I did listen but lessons have been learnt and I won't be making the same mistake again!

 

I have been thinking about moving abroad for a few years now, what do you do out there? How difficult was it to find work?

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Hi Philove...No I wouldn't take her back. Not now, not ever. UNLESS she could show me that she is capable of giving what I gave to her. Even then, I can't say I will go back down that road.

 

I listened to my head and came to the most sensible conclusion I could. My chances in that relationship were 5% with the factors involved.

 

BTW, you can get temporary work here, mostly in leisure/tourism, on a J1 Visa. If you want more details, let me know, I can give advice and so forth. I actually have a Property Management Company with my family.

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