ghost69 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Never been to one. Is that where classy guys like you take your "dates"? Probably why I'm not acquainted, sorry... Yes, he has to pay for the dates he invites me on and plans for. That could be for an ice cream, or a walk in the park with a soda. You're the one who seems to assume all dates have to be costly. But, guys with a true sense of romance and creativity know better! the way you word your posts it seems like you need a fancy restaurant. i guess i'm not creative. i know i wouldn't try and be romantic with a girl that isn't my gf yet. Link to comment
Dubb Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I must say I stopped grabbing for my wallet as I got used to guys protesting. Then there was this thought in my head that if he sees me willing to pay I look like I don't think I'm worth time he's spending with me... sort of like reverse princess theory. My roomate is a waitress and she's always complaining about couples splitting checks, she sees couples sitting there soooo in love and then the check is $14 and they give her 2 cards. I mean: can't you just let the $7 slide for your beloved one, please. Oh and another thing: if he invites me to a place where I normally wouldn't be able to afford to go, well sorry to put it this way but can I risk loosing my weekly allowance in case he won't stop me paying?! Would you date a guy in a similar financial situation as you? Link to comment
Dubb Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I think it's rude. During courtship, the man should be pursuing, and in so doing, I expect him to plan dates that he can afford. If we are an exclusive, commited couple, then certainly I do contribute financially to dates without a problem. BUT, if it is earlier than this, like I said above, then he's a cheap ass. All women are different. Some women insist on paying half and others pretend they want to pay half. As a rule, I never want the bill to be awkward. I will refuse her money the first time but if she insists I will take it. Again, I don't want the bill to be awkward. I avoid expensive dates till I know I want a relationship with them tho. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I must say I stopped grabbing for my wallet as I got used to guys protesting. Then there was this thought in my head that if he sees me willing to pay I look like I don't think I'm worth time he's spending with me... sort of like reverse princess theory. My roomate is a waitress and she's always complaining about couples splitting checks, she sees couples sitting there soooo in love and then the check is $14 and they give her 2 cards. I mean: can't you just let the $7 slide for your beloved one, please. Oh and another thing: if he invites me to a place where I normally wouldn't be able to afford to go, well sorry to put it this way but can I risk loosing my weekly allowance in case he won't stop me paying?! Its called budgeting. My girlfriend and i are going to Florida in a week and we are budgeting like crazy so we split alot of our tabs and what not to keep it equal. There is nothing wrong with this at all! Most of the time we go back and forth or if i pay for dinner and drinks on a friday night she will offer to treat the next night. IMO thats a good healthy relationship with compromise. Link to comment
ProtestTheHero Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 the way you word your posts it seems like you need a fancy restaurant. i guess i'm not creative. i know i wouldn't try and be romantic with a girl that isn't my gf yet. Yeah, I'm scratching my head a bit myself. I have no problem coming up with creative/romantic ideas, but I normally wouldn't use them on the first couple of dates that I'm trying to get to know the person. I figured most guys would save that stuff for when they've decided whether or not she's worth the effort. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Dubb, My ex was in a similar financial situation. He paid while pursuing me and during the relationhip never expected me to pay. I always had to surprise him with the bill paid already so he could let me do it. Funny is that when he lost "his love" for me, he started letting me pay and sometimes even "run out of cash" so I had to finish paying for the night - he left me soon after that... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Dubb, My ex was in a similar financial situation. He paid while pursuing me and during the relationhip never expected me to pay. I always had to surprise him with the bill paid already so he could let me do it. Funny is that when he lost "his love" for me, he started letting me pay and sometimes even "run out of cash" so I had to finish paying for the night - he left me soon after that... you mean like he got you back for all the money he spent on you? Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I think if a guy asks you out on a date then that means he's paying....now from there on out if the two of you continue to go out, take turns paying. That's how I've always done it...whether they were very well off or not...take turns. Link to comment
Dubb Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Dubb, My ex was in a similar financial situation. He paid while pursuing me and during the relationhip never expected me to pay. I always had to surprise him with the bill paid already so he could let me do it. Funny is that when he lost "his love" for me, he started letting me pay and sometimes even "run out of cash" so I had to finish paying for the night - he left me soon after that... Do you think when the relationship ended you guys spent about the same on each other or was it 80-20 him? I also notice one thing about guys who always pay. They expect sex. If they don't get it they get mad. Ever have this happen to you? Not all guys but I do know a few. Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 you mean like he got you back for all the money he spent on you? sorry don't understand the question what I meant is that he said a couple of times when we were "happy" in our relationship that: "a guy should pay for his girl" and I would usually let him pay but picked up the tab sometimes cause it's crayzy for him to always pay! then when it gotten worse between us I'd hear he bought a round of drinks for a group of friends, he took his cousin to an expensive dinner, but he stopped taking pride in "always paying for his girl" and I didn't really mind chipping in but that was a moment when he stopped caring about me, like a sign... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 sorry don't understand the question what I meant is that he said a couple of times when we were "happy" in our relationship that: "a guy should pay for his girl" and I would usually let him pay but picked up the tab sometimes cause it's crayzy for him to always pay! then when it gotten worse between us I'd hear he bought a round of drinks for a group of friends, he took his cousin to an expensive dinner, but he stopped taking pride in "always paying for his girl" and I didn't really mind chipping in but that was a moment when he stopped caring about me, like a sign... ahh, gotcha. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 I think if a guy asks you out on a date then that means he's paying....now from there on out if the two of you continue to go out, take turns paying. That's how I've always done it...whether they were very well off or not...take turns. Yup;. this is the fair and equitable way of handling it. I can't imagine why some women today - when the majority of them have jobs - would expect the guy to pay for every date after those first few. Even the first few I would offer, he would just decline. After a few dates turned into more dates i insisted on paying my share or at least taking turns with the tab. Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Do you think when the relationship ended you guys spent about the same on each other or was it 80-20 him? I also notice one thing about guys who always pay. They expect sex. If they don't get it they get mad. Ever have this happen to you? Not all guys but I do know a few. hm, maybe it was 60 him/ 40 me... your note about guys expecting sex is kind of correct i guess, wow i never thought that may be the reason, good point here! Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 When you are in the courting stage or very early on in a relationship then it's proper for the guy to pay. If the girl offers to pay at this point then she's a really cool girl in my book, but I have yet to meet a girl who would do that. Once it becomes established that you are an item then the finances should be share and share alike, just like in every other aspect of the relationship. Second that, it's too early on for you to be paying...I mean if you offered on your own volition that's fine. But I don't think they should be hinting let alone telling you to pay, quite frankly that's in bad taste, and a turn off. Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 It's a no-no for a girl not to at least offer to pay for herself. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 i will offer to pay. and if he lets me pay (when he asked me out), i can ponder if this is a guy i want to continue dating..... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 i will offer to pay. and if he lets me pay (when he asked me out), i can ponder if this is a guy i want to continue dating..... I know many believe this is a sexist way of thinking, but it tells me a couple of things when a guy lets the girl pay, even if her half only, on that first date. I have found in life (not just with men i dated, men that friends have dated) those who do this tend to be a bit tight in the wallet in many ways, and it is just still a socially accepted courtesy that if a man asks a woman out he pays the tab. If the woman asks him out, she should pay on that first date. Most men STILL won't let her even so... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 don't you love all of the social norms burned into our heads growing up? Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 yea ghost, guys have other advantages that social norms accept...* it's all very disputable *when guys can sleep with 100 girls, get drunk, smoke, curse and girls can't Link to comment
Nutz Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Before going out, if I expect her to pay I just say, "I don't get paid for a while. You mind if we go dutch tonight?" It's polite, lets her know you need to split the bill up front. If the amount is pretty trivial though, like under $10, I'll still grab the bill. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 don't you love all of the social norms burned into our heads growing up? I do not buy into all of them, but i have my reasons for 'buying' into this one. It has never proven me wrong. Every guy i knew who wanted the girl to pay for that first date ended up showing he was a real tightwad in other areas as well. Now some of you might have different experiences, but i can only go on what life has shown me thus far when i make my decisions. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 yea ghost, guys have other advantages that social norms accept...* it's all very disputable *when guys can sleep with 100 girls, get drunk, smoke, curse and girls can't oh i know. double standard in a lot of cases. i don't look down on girls that have had a lot of partners. it's their choice. i don't hate. nothing wrong with being physical. i was naive once and have had a lot of partners. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 oh i know. double standard in a lot of cases. Men have many many double standards still used for women. We can say we don't like it but it still happens everyday. Paying for the first date is one of few double standards i employ in my life. And yes, it might be a double standard but I will own up to admitting it. I still enjoy a man pulling out my chair or getting the door for me. But i am also not a feminist who is too headstrong to realize there are doublestandards on the inverse as well and i dont mind. I don't mind cooking for him, or doing his laundry and folding it up and putting it away. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 i was naive once and have had a lot of partners. i just want to point out that i'm not proud of this. i didn't mean to say it like that. BUT, on the flip side, it has helped make me who i am today. so.... Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 IMO it's always better to have more experience than less - this way you can appreciate the right thing when you finally get it Link to comment
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