If my long term boyfriend kept breaking up with me because of fights

[CoCo2009]

and I suggested to go to counseling and try to work things out and he acted like he didn't want to go. Doesn't that mean he really wasn't putting any effort in so that we could grow and repair our relationship? When he dumped me last year and I stopped calling him he came running back for the first time making promises about how he wanted to go to counseling and be with me and work it out, and that he knows I was hurt and angry with him for always breaking up with me. Even then when we fought because of the issues he broke up with me and ran out the door only to have me call him and beg him back. Doesn't that mean he was a manipulator and that if he really loved me he wouldn't have left? We had a huge argument which I started but not on purpose but it happened and I am ashamed for losing my temper but whenever we argue he breaks up with me. I never break up with him. Isn't that manipulation? I think I am starting to see it.

[george237]

Obviously there are communication problems in your relationship. You probably both need to work on that but more so he needs to work on this issue himself. People sometimes tend to run away from there problems instead of dealing with them, I mean after all that is the easiest way to resolve it. I would tell him that he needs to go talk to somebody about his communication problems and that you are more then willing to go with him if that would make him more comfortable but if he doesn't go you are hitting the bricks. Also tell him that you understand that it takes time to change behavioral probs and you are willing to work with him because he means that much to you, if he does.

[Keyman]

I think that deep down inside he is not fully into the relationship, or something isn't clicking for him. My last relationship we argued a lot and at some point during the fight I would tell her that we weren't supposed to be together. It was just the feeling it gave me.

 

I think it might be reasonable to think that he isn't fully into you. Looking back, I like to think I was into her, but in somes ways think I wasn't so much.

[CoCo2009]

I mean I know arguing is tiring and a pain but if he doesn't stick around and he leaves me everytime then its obvious Its not the relationship he wants to be in. I'm not the girl for him, like if he doesn't like my personality then he shouldnt be with me. I think if someone loves you they would accept you and all your flaws and if you are depressed then you should be able to let that person know without them using it as an excuse as to why our relationship will never work. or saying that you don't like being with them because they are sad all the time, they should understand that you are depressed and trying to work through it! I get snappy and moody and I apologize and I was working on myself but I got drunk and starting yelling and throwing things. I know I was wrong but he punched a hole in the wall twice before and I didn't break up with him. I know that sounds crazy but its the truth and I think it shows why we aren't together. I know I was wrong and I told him I was sorry and he still left so there was nothing left I could do.

[george237]

Well I think I would not stick around with that behavior either. Living with someone who is depressed is tough. I had a roomie in college that was depressed most of my freshman year. Sitting in all day and always being down in the dumps is not fun to be around. Maybe you should take a break and both work on your own issues instead of trying to battle that mountain while trying to concur a relationship which is tough enough to begin with.

[CoCo2009]

Well no I wasn't sitting around all day down in the dumps but we did argue. I get what you are saying though

[thejigsup]

Being with someone who is depressed is not easy. I had a depressed bf many years ago and I just got tired. Not tired of him, but tired of dealing with the mood swings, the temper, the reclusiveness, the arguments, the lack of sex, I could go on and on. Recognize that everyone has their limits as to what they can handle, even if they truly love you.

[george237]

Well no I wasn't sitting around all day down in the dumps but we did argue. I get what you are saying though

 

I don't want you to think I am knocking you, we all have our own issues. I was just trying to show you his perspective of your situation. Keep working on yourself, I have been there myself years ago and I know how tough it is.

[CoCo2009]

I don't feel like you are knocking me but he said that he was willing to be here for me and he asked me to go off my meds so that we could work through it together. He then just didn't follow through on any of his promises. Plus he made me do everything on my own and try to keep the relationship together. I feel like he made me depressed with all his life problems.

[george237]

I don't feel like you are knocking me but he said that he was willing to be here for me and he asked me to go off my meds so that we could work through it together. He then just didn't follow through on any of his promises. Plus he made me do everything on my own and try to keep the relationship together. I feel like he made me depressed with all his life problems.

 

Well I don't think I would stop taking meds because someone asked you to, unless you discussed with your doctor. Second, people say things that they mean but can't go through with. He might really want to do all of this but it is just too much for him to handle.

[CoCo2009]

I was there for him went he hit rock bottom, I just wish he could have been here for me.

[george237]

I was there for him went he hit rock bottom, I just wish he could have been here for me.

 

It doesn't work that way. Try and talk to him and seriouly think about taking some time to figure yourself out. Not even breaking up or taking a break just spending less time together and more time figuring what is going to make you happy again.

[CoCo2009]

Oh sorry we already broke up, I should have said that earlier, he broke up with me for like the 10th time on Friday. oh wells. I wasted 7 years...I'm not going to call or beg him back anymore. It kills my self esteem and makes me more depressed

[george237]

Oh sorry we already broke up, I should have said that earlier, he broke up with me for like the 10th time on Friday. oh wells.

 

Ok then take this time to get yourself back on track and in time for the summer. Good luck and you'll be fine.