Binge eating ...longish

[Red_flower]

Hey guys,

Some of you may remember my post earlier on this year about me starting a raw food diet. Well thats going great, its the best thing ive done for myself in years

 

Ive struggled with eating disorders in the past, bullimia/ binge eating, being bullied at school triggered these off for me. This stopped after I got out of school and I had a healthy diet/ exercised 4-5 times a week e.t.c

The last five months for me have just been a series of crashes, my whole world has been shaken and stirred, first I broke up with my boyfriend, tried dating other guys since then and non of them have worked out, I had to move out of where I was living as it was emotionally draining for me, I cut off all my "friends" as I realised I had sacrificed so much of myself for them yet they demanded more and always made me feel guilty. I find now that Im very socially isolated, I dont have a friends or a love/social life, I sometimes go for days without speaking to anyone, this is all about to change as im moving back to the city I lived in before.

 

Im not a bad looking chic or unfriendly, but as im very emotionally sensitive at this time and lots of emotional healing going on for me, i find its best for me to either be around positive people or be myself, so in a way im isolating myself.

 

 

I have struggled with a low self esteem for a long time and this led me into living in a messy situation and taking crap from people who I called my "friends". Now ive moved out, I live alone,.. which at first scared me, But now i love my space. Ive been doing a lot of work on myself, reading books, meditating, eating healthily, journalling e.t.c. Im finding that Ive had no identity for years, my identity was in my so called friends, Now, Im healing slowly but surely and I feel more connected to myself than I ever have, Im finding out new things about myself, I feel like a differnt person.

 

Some days I still feel pretty crappy, but most days im able to look in the mirror and love the person staring back at me.

 

The problem here is my binge eating has reared its ugly head again over the last three weeks. Ive had a binge at least 3 times a week, usually at night and on sweet foods like bananas, oat meal, raisins, peanut butter, cookies e.t.c

This is nothing to do with my raw foodism,I let go of the raw foodism for a week, telling myself I can eat whatever food i wanted, whenever i wanted it, and I found that I still wanted to eat raw foods. I had this disorder when I was a meat eater/ vegetarian/ vegan and it was the same thing. I ate when depressed.

Ive tried journalling/ writing when I feel a like eating which works sometimes but most times i just let go and eat till the point when Im stuffed!

 

In the past when this happened, I used to write hateful things to myself in my diary and be filled with anger and hate because of it, now i just view binge eating as me trying comfort/ take care of myself (admittedly, not the best way to do it).

Has anyone struggled with this before and how did you deal with it?

Please be aware that this is a very sensitive issue for me to discuss, I would appreciate honesty and tact from those who choose to reply.

 

Looking forward to your replies.

[Balbina]

I feel for you, hun. I'm also very much of an emotional eater - and you're going through an emotional time!

 

I just think you need to put things into perspective. All of these changes in your life, all of this time reconnecting with yourself, all of your new-found self acceptance - it is good for you. You are recognizing your worth and finding out how to be happy with yourself. This is all really hard work, but it does pay off.

 

You need to look at binging another way. Don't look at it as your escape or your crutch, because you're subconsciously identifying with it and using it as a way to "control" your feelings, when in reality it is controlling you.

 

Remember all of these good changes in your life? Controlling your food intake can be one of them. You said you felt amazing when you ate well - well then do it! My number one advise to getting on top of your emotions and in control of your body is working out and eating healthy. Especially when you have to stick to a strict diet and fitness regime, you will feel this overwhelming sense of power over your live and body. And seeing the results is something that is addicting and motivating.

 

Trust me on this: think of binging as another BAD habit that has got to go, and do something to change it. Exercise makes you feel better naturally, but I guarantee that taking control of your body will make you feel 100x happier about your life.