babii doll Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 currently in a new relationship that im completely happy with in every way.. its still new so we are definitely in the lovey dovey phase of things and talk alot about the future together. the bf and i are compatible in just about every way that its almost scary, i never believed in soul mates before but he definitely fits into that category which is why i can see this being a long-term situation. heres comes the BUT part, when i first met him he told me had 2 daughters from 2 different women. ages 4 and 1. i was hesitant about going further because of this, but i decided to take a chance with him anyway. the oldest lives in california so he rarely sees her but pays support and gets the occasional phone call to talk to her. the youngest from his last ex he sees every other weekend, he also supports her and stays active in her life. i have a 7yo son of my own so i know kids can take up some of your time, but my sons father is not in the picture. so in that regards my bf doesnt have to deal with another man being in the picture. i on the other hand have had to deal with his youngest childs mother adding unecessary drama into our lives and its made me question if this could have an effect on our relationship. shes extremely nosey about us and i suspect she wants him back, even though she is at fault for ruining their relationship. she keeps tabs on him, even has some of her friends keeps tabs on him. they took pictures of the bf and i at the mall recently and sent it to her.. then she complained to him about taking me shopping. even though he gives her money for their daughter and has no right to complain about what he does. she will ask him intrusive questions about our personal life, sex questions.. if i'm better than her etc. definitely a jealousy factor there as she is 40+ and im in my 20s, the bf is 27. i have no problem with his kids, its the mothers im starting to wonder if i could deal with long term, particularly his last ex. this is kindof a new experience for me as i'm used to dating men with no children and the occasional guy who would have full custody of his kids. i havent even met this women yet and im starting to dislike her immensely, have only herd phone conversations and she blows up his phone when im with him. not sure how to deal.. definitely will have to face her at some point down the road, as i will be spending time with her daughter at some point. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 If you are in a new relationship, then why is the mother ... or all his kids and your kids even in the picture. to me, if it is this messy at this stage, it will only get worse. Personally, it sounds like a nightmare to me, and i wouldn't want to put up with it all. Link to comment
babii doll Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 If you are in a new relationship, then why is the mother ... or all his kids and your kids even in the picture.. he hasnt met my kid, and i havent met his kids either yet. the primary issue here is the mothers. eventually i will meet his daughters along with his exes and he will meet my son. but before that even happens im already having to deal with issues concerning his last ex who has an odd interest into our personal life etc. Link to comment
Casey13 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 This is something youre going to have to learn to tolerate for at least a few months. Chances are good that in due time his ex will simply ease off and learn to accept the fact that he is in a solid relationship with you. This is probably all new to her so she is getting jealous and in time, especially when she finds someone new for herself, she should ease off. In the mean time you can talk to him about how youre feeling and tell him to have a talk with her. It is his duty to make you feel comfortable in this relationship so since he owes his ex nothing but child support and shares kids with her he has every right to tell her to cool it or if things dont improve he can even take legal action and get her restrained. Hopefully it wont come to this and she will either ease off on her own or respect his wishes after he talks to her to back off. If you truly feel hes your soulmate I would stick it out a little longer and see how things turn out. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Why is he allowing her to text him, and also ask questions that are unrelated to their child? I can certainly understand him being there for his child, but other than that he owes her nothing. Since he's not standing up to her, and recognizing that he's in a relationship with you, I would question what his motives really are. You may be looking at this through rose colored glasses. I would take a step back if I were you. All the best... Link to comment
babii doll Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Why is he allowing her to text him, and also ask questions that are unrelated to their child? I can certainly understand him being there for his child, but other than that he owes her nothing. Since he's not standing up to her, and recognizing that he's in a relationship with you, I would question what his motives really are. You may be looing at this through rose colored glasses. I would take a step back if I were you. All the best... i really dont think her textings and calls is something he can control entirely as he has to keep the lines of communication open in regards to his daughter, he does keep the focus on his daughter for the most part and doesnt answer her intrusive questions about me, which in returns pisses her off. i do know shes dying to meet me, she came by this weekend to pick up some of the babies things but he wouldnt let her come inside to his apartment so shes waited in the parking lot, but im pretty sure she knew i was there. im definitely not blinded by the lovey dovey feelings, if i was i wouldnt even question this whole issue, im trying to see this from the outside view and could understand why someone would be turned off by the whole situation. he has made it clear to her that its over, and hes with me now.. but she seems to be in a denial phase. Link to comment
babii doll Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 If you truly feel hes your soulmate I would stick it out a little longer and see how things turn out. yeah im trying to work with him, im so not looking forward to meeting the mothers, but at the same time we definitely have something special that i have never experienced in my life before, so for now im going to ride it out. Link to comment
Casey13 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Yes I agree, ride it out. Don't think he wont appreciate it and people you make such strong connections with are very well worth being patient for. Give it a few solid months before you doubt the relationship Link to comment
amipushy Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 What he need to do if tell her not to contact him unless its about alternative arrangement or an emergency situation regarding their child. What you need to do it nothing. Do not get invloved. This is his problem and he needs to step up and take control, if he does not stand up and do this, then you may as well say stuff it now. Link to comment
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