Jump to content

I want her back, do i send the last letter?


Recommended Posts

So its been a rough couple of weeks for me. we have been apart for nearing a month now. She still says she wants to be friends etc. but thats killing me. and now im just so confused with how to handle her


so i wrote this letter a week after the breakup... should i just send it and go NC..






So here we are, nearly two years in. Bickering and arguing at the best of times, i have noticed with the way we are and our personalities we will never have a smooth relationship. We as people, don’t fit perfectly, but in other ways we do.


Your a strong individual, that chooses her own path solely and isn’t easily influenced by others, your kind and compassionate but in your own way, yet strong and determined in another. In all of this what I’m trying to say is that we as people clash, i want a girl to agree, and you’re not that type of girl. But I love that about you, I love that you want to do things, because without all that I would be a lesser person. And I can say with complete certainty, that yes you are the girl for me. And the other night you asked me why I want to be with you...


The answer is simple, I love you as the girl you are, your flaws and your beauty. I don’t see myself riding the whole of that island with anyone else other than you. You inspire me to do new things, the city to surf. I love the fact that i would go throw fire to spend time with you. So yes, i accept you for who you are. We have so much to offer one another and push to better each other. To try, experience, to live to enjoy.


I have had time to think whilst not speaking to you. I had a shocking day at work the other day, and having spent so much time talking the boys and to my brother aswell. I still only thought about talking to you. Your advice isn’t always the best, but you listen, you just listen, you want to know about my day. And the other small things. Like 2 years in, you still want me to see you out and message you when i get home. I am so SO sorry that it has come to the point of losing you to appreciate the small things.


I’m not scared of marriage, I’m not scared of settling down. I’m not even scared of spending the next few years working to that point. But seeing you the other night lead me to think that you want to be on your own. I can’t quiet accept that, and i won’t be able to so in reality, if you don’t want to be committed to a long term relationship where the goal is spending a life together.


And even if you say it’s only for a while or we can see what happens in 3 months, a year, 2 year or longer. I can’t wait for you. I mean i would love to. But i just can’t, I couldn’t speak to you. I couldn’t be friends with you, because it would hurt me more than anything I have experienced to date.


As far as love goes, this is a real as it gets for me, love is suppose to conquer all, but if the love isn’t mutual and as strong as it is for me, then i guess we have come as far as we can go. I valued this break, and appreciated all the small things i have learnt from time apart. I never realised how much i put you down, i never realised how complacent i became. I didn’t take you to dinners, i stopped buying you flowers. I stopped doing things together, and was just happy being lazy.. i hit a slump. And the best thing this break has shown me was how complacent i have become. I feel so much more driven to excercise even with my injuries, wether it be cycle or the pools. I feel healthier and happier. And im proud of where my body is heading. I should never have stopped managing my weight, and have learned a lot from all this.


Deep down from this time apart, this is how i see it. We have had some space to see and view our lives, i mean i analysed myself and sought help in that aswell. I would like to start a gradual relationship. Parents excluded, where as do something on the weekend, yet keep our Saturday & Sunday in my case nights separate. Where we can still enjoy being out with friends. Go out 1ce a week or so. With Mutual contact... no calls or emails at work.. unless to organise something. And give it another go. Look at what causes the cracks and go from there. If after a few weeks we aren’t happy it will be obvious and the love will not continue to thrive, yet will turn sour and a breakup will be more suitable. (but having kept some distance will enable it to be more smooth without parents etc.) I am 100% committed to making it work. Because i think.. i know... you are the girl i want to spend my time with, you just make me smile when i feel down, you know that i like the smaller things in life, and buy me little gifts to show you care. You tend to me when you know im hurt... It may not be the conventional meaning of love. But i appreciated the way you show it, more so now than before.


I know your lost in your thoughts, and your worried about judgements etc. But ill have you know. I don’t care.. i didn’t care i never have cared about what people think about you. Or us. If i did.. i wouldn’t have started this relationship. Everybody will be judged by others at some point in there life, its your choice wether it gets to you or not... through all the issues you say your dealing with i was very hurt that i wasn’t the person you turned to.. instead of using me as support, you chose to be independent and fight through it yourself. I want you to know. I may not have been as accepting then. But im here to listen, im here to support. Not to tear you down when you need me the most. I want to be there for you. And if its my fault that i wasn’t then I’m truly sorry.


All I can say or even summarize in my mind is that only a few weeks ago, we were really onto a positive, and things were looking good. My heart was completely satisfied, and as much as i say or pick on you. Or give you deadlines. I don’t mean it. I never have, i just felt the urge to be wanted all the time, and i create this drama around my life to do that, to try make it appear that I’m worth something more. And for that I’m sorry. And that I’m working on. I have a long way to go as a person and i don’t know where I’m going to end up.


Every time I picture the final result. I picture being about 25 with you by my side, buying a house, and starting our independence as a couple.


Look I can’t make any decisions for you, I don’t want to. Because if I do then I don’t want you to turn around and despise me for it. I just want you to know i wish you all the success the world can offer, regardless of those that haven’t seen your light yet. You are a beautiful person, outside and in. You don’t need to feel like you need to defend yourself from everyone, people love you. Just let them in. Your not selfish, so stop saying you are... your just guarding your heart and maybe someone will get to see that deeper beauty in you.

Link to comment

Answer. No. The letter, in reality, is to yourself. Is an analysis of the relationship from your perspective and is something you have written to out your feelings and now should be disposed of.


Just go NC and hold onto that for as long as you are able.

Link to comment

Brother I know its hard. I begged, and tried to contact my ex for 3-4 weeks. It never got me anywhere. If anything it only made things worse for me.


I know the feeling of desperation. I felt horrible. Heart broken, lonely, everything. If you honestly need to tell her these things then do it, but I suggest going NC if you have already told her how you feel. If she has heard it once then it is already in her head.


After I went NC, not long after I started being contacted by my ex. It really is the best choice is most cases. If you need to talk or if your feeling blue, please feel free to message me or email me brother.

Link to comment

Whether you send the letter or not I don't think it will make much difference in her taking you back but it will make you appear more desparate. Four weeks is not long enough apart for her to really change her mind and for you to conduct an analysis on yourself and promise her change. As others suggested above, I would try to squeeze out another few months of no contact and if she is still what you truly desire than after a few months, once your feelings have cooled off a bit, you can try to small talk her again without sounding as desparate. Trust me NC is your best option now, at least for another 2-3 months. It will get easier and who knows in the meantime she may very well contact you

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...