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Do I hold my ground?

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I'm in really low place and needing advice, so I'll outline the whole story as briefly as possible:


Me and ex together for 2.5 years, she seems distant one night, I confront her about it and she ends things. She still wants to be close friends because she doesn't want to lose me completely. We play cat and mouse, me trying to win her back, on one occasion she says we should casually meet up, sort of like 'dates', but nothing official, see where it takes us.


I confront her again a week or so later because I feel that I'm the only one wanting to reconcile, she says she just wants to focus completely on her studies right now as she feels she's been slipping and doesn't have time for a boyfriend, me or anyone else (she assures me she's not after another guy, and doesn't plan to for the next year at least!). At this point I initiate NC.


I lasted a week and broke it, just because I wanted to see how she was doing. We exchange texts, turns out she's in a nearby city, visiting a friend and they're shopping. She seems upbeat but eventually stops replying. I get a text later that night apologizing as she was busy, and after a few more texts she tells me shes going to bed, says goodnight and that we'll talk soon.


So I'm trying NC again. I'm madly in love with this girl, and truth be told if things had continued after we'd finished our respective University courses and were in a stable situation, I reckon I would have proposed. We got along fantastically, and now having been apart for 5 weeks, I'm still thinking about her just as much, missing everything about her. I try to think of negative aspects of our relationship and there are very few, and these just involve me being stubborn and indecisive so are MY problems. I just feel that she's having a much easier time with this than me. I accept that she has a close friend who is the 'bitter and single' type who is probably helping her along a great deal, but I the fact that she's so adamant to remain friends but seems to be going NC herself hurts me. If I can only ever be her friend, then I want that. Because she was not only my love, but my best friend. The only person I could truly confide in, feel comfortable around, or could cheer me up when I was at my lowest. But again I'm afraid sticking to NC could damage that. The truth is over time, people DO grow apart. I've lost contact with so many old friends, tried to rekindle things over the past few months and the friendship just isn't there anymore.


And I want to be there for her. I want to cheer her up when she's stressed over coursework, take her mind off it when she decides she wants a day off.


This is a pretty long, and needy sounding rant, but I'm just feeling so utterly dejected. I've tried to turn myself around, I've been exercising more, I've been trying to cook more meals at home instead of frozen things, I've been out with friends, to gigs, I was at the cinema with a female friend last night. But it always comes back to her. They say time is a great healer, and its only been 5 weeks, but I don't feel I'm improving at all. If anything I'd say I'm on a downwards spiral and you guys have been the only ones to offer any advice so thank you.

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Chin up mate im in the same situation, knowing others are also getting through it will help you.


I been split for over a month now, still crying, cant help it... still thinking of her, ignoring her texts and calls even though it hurts so much. As soon as you break NC then you feel crap within yourself.


The only way to get someone back is pretty much by NC... if they dont come back then they aint worth it anyways, but i spoke to all my friends and even myself have had experience of NC working, and at least it will allow you to heal in the process.


Hang in there mate. I say hold your ground (but then im no better mate, saw a mail from her yesterday asking how i was etc and my stomach churned and wanted to reply - but i ignored it).

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Got a text from her this morning, saying she loved the DVD I got her as a non-romantic Valentines gift (we spent the day together, made a cake, my suggestion so that neither of us had to spend the day alone, and I decided to get her a DVD we were supposed to watch together so she at least got something on that day) but I haven't replied. I don't intend to either. It's hard because I just want to tell her I'm glad she enjoyed it, but I'm sticking to it.


It does help knowing g18c, cos its just such an odd situation. I don't feel like there's really been any proper closure. When we had a proper discussion about where I stood to her, she told me she always saw us getting back together somewhere down the line. I'm willing to wait. If it means I go NC, and if it means I hurt this much, I'm still willing to wait. No such thing as a free lunch I guess

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You will be fine. Remember that every break up is hard. The longer you are with someone and the more history you have the harder it becomes. Love is a drug. To take away the drug will cause pain. A lot of pain. (For me, over one woman I did not eat solid food for 6 weeks. Lost 20 pounds easy. But, in time, l got over her and found another. )


One HUGE thing I learned is that I needed more friends and hobbies. And since then, I have kept my friends/new friends and hobbies because I can best make myself happy. Without friends and hobbies, you have no zest for life. The TV and computer can NOT be your only outlet if you want to be happy. Get outside I always say. Walk in the rain, and smell the air.


We all relapse and fall back...BUT...Hang in there....things WILL get better. It really does take time. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have.

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Thanks for a very uplifting response!


I have to say today I'm feeling a lot better. I think it was sticking to NC and not replying, I feel as if for once I've got the upper hand in things! This thread was started at the peak of a very long spell of depressed days that I couldn't find the way out of!


Right now hobbies are a bit tough cos most of my friends and I are all at Uni and right now is the deadline for lots of reports/essays etc but I have managed to fit in a game of badminton once a week for the past 2 weeks, and intend to keep it up. After this week I plan on getting back to the gym regularly. The only problem is 90% of my friends are busy with their relationships (one in particular a new one that seems to have removed him from the real world entirely but I'm sure as long as ENA is here to help me through the rough patches I'll be alright!


Cheers again everyone.

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Hope things are going good, I'm in a very similar situation except I know my ex is seeing someone else,but she keeps telling me she loves me and thinks we will be back together when she "figures things out" Going NC is the best thing I've done, I feel so much better, day 4

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