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Taking a break?


jj237
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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Hi everybody.

 

I've been in a 1 1/2 year relationship and a few weeks ago I began to seriously doubt whether or not I wanted to continue the relationship. I have always been content in the relationship - we rarely fight and I feel very loved by her - but I felt like we really don't connect on a deep level (although it seems like a one-way problem; she always says that I understand her more than anyone she has ever been with). I have to throw out the old cliche - I love her but don't feel in love with her. The complicating factor in this is that I slipped into a pretty bad depression around that time. I should add however that the doubts I mentioned earlier preceeded the depression. I'm not really sure if I feel a loss of connection because of the depression or feel depressed because I'm in a relationship that I feel may be wrong for me.

 

My question to anyone who would like to provide some insight is this: Is "taking a break" a good idea in this (or for that matter, any) situation. I feel like I need to untangle all the issues surrounding the depression and my feelings for her and it would be helpful to step back from the relationship for a little while during that process. I know that if I'm in a marriage or longer-term commited relationship I will need to take care of any mental health problems within the relationship but now we are at the point of deciding whether or not to take that next step. I definitely don't want any kind of break period to last indefinitely because an extended limbo would be bad for both of us. If it is common to "take a break" does anyone know what kind of ground rules you should set. For example, do you see each other a few times a week, communicate only by phone, etc. I do know that there is no way I can just continue in the relationship any further without expressing those doubts to her - it's unfair to both of us. So if anyone has experience or thoughts I'd really appreciate them. Thanks.

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