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Q for girls about dates


LAYAAN

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I re-think my natural behaviors, actions on/during a date after I come home, I chew the cud 1000 times over n over and I'm getting tired of my own behavior. When you girls go out on dates, when do you decide if he holds a chance with you or not? During or after the date? Do you think about the date after you come home n then decide what to do about it? (This may sound silly, but I have done it often)

My personality is such that I can't think straight while I'm on a date, so even if a guy asks me "so what are you doing next week?" "so, what do you think?" I end up muttering something. That discourages them. I want to become bold now on and if I like a guy, I want to be able to show that I like him.

How should I answer (Yes, I'm looking for right wording.)

- if I kinda like the guy but I'm not sure.

- if I'm certainly not interested in the guy.

- if I'm crazy about the guy and can't wait to meet him next day.

 

Thank you

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you can tell him what you are doing next week if you are into him or not.

 

What do you think of this response ghost -

"I'm going hiking/kayaking next weekend, want to join?"

does that sound desperate? or interested?

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If somebody would say that to me, I would be very pleased! Kayaking sounds like a lot of fun.

 

..But then, I am a girl.

 

I don't usually know how I really feel about a date until later. And, I don't often develop feelings until a while down the road. It is usually more a question of him being polite, good conversation, and somewhat physically attractive.

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What do you think of this response ghost -

"I'm going hiking/kayaking next weekend, want to join?"

does that sound desperate? or interested?

 

i would be a little bit more elusive if you didn't know this guy. i'd tell him what i was doing and maybe ask him if he's ever done it. let him respond...blah blah. maybe ask what he's up to next week then ask if he'd be interested. just make sure you want to see him again. lol

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1- if I kinda like the guy but I'm not sure.

2- if I'm certainly not interested in the guy.

3- if I'm crazy about the guy and can't wait to meet him next day.

 

1- throw out a tentative plan to buy you some thinking time alone at home. "well my friends birthday is supposed to be next weekend depending on work/ schedual/ daycare/ boyfriend..." this way you get to go home and decide if this party exsists (you don't like him) or doesn't exsist (you do like him). Just don't play games and like him, like him not, like him, like him not.

 

2- i'm not sure how guys like to be told straight up you don't want to see them again. but playing games is certainly not one of them.

 

3- the next day? he said weekend! If it were me, and I sensed a connection on his part as well I'd crack a little wise joke... something along the lines of "well, I guess that depends on where you're taking me" *wink wink nudge nudge* kinda deal. yeah, it could be desperate and bite you in the ass but, ideally I want the guy to be just as excited to see me on the weekend as I am to see him, so I let him know. if he runs screaming desperate, I've just saved myself from dating a man who is not all that into me. IMO.

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Say "I'm not sure yet, what are you up to?" It leaves the door open for him to ask you out again. If he says he is going someplace with no mention of asking you, you can chip in and say you think you'll either go kayaking or out for a meal with a friend or whatever, with no awkward moments or misunderstandings. Works for me anyhow

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Tinu,

 

Generally, I think you need to be more relaxed on a date. Be more playful and humorous. In my book, a date above all else should be fun. That even if you never go out with that person again, I can look back and say I had a good time.

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^^so you would say you don't know then bust out that you are going kayaking with a friend?

 

No, I say I'm not sure yet and wait for him to ask me out on another date , if he doesnt, I'll pick back up the conversation and say I might go one of two places wherever that might be ("kayaking" was a repsonse for tinu's post, not where I'd actually go)

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I'd tell him the truth about what I was doing the next weekend. So if I did have plans to go kayaking, I'd tell him. I wouldn't invite him to come with me, but I'd tell him about the kayaking trip and ask him whether he'd done any. And take it from there.

 

If I'd been invited to a party, I'd tell him that too.

 

If I had no plans yet, I'd tell him that, but that usually on the weekend I liked to go hiking (or whatever you like to do) or that I had no plans yet but had thought of doing x.

 

Why not just tell the truth?

 

I wouldn't say I had nothing planned because I was waiting for him to ask me on a date. That just comes accross as lame.

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When you girls go out on dates, when do you decide if he holds a chance with you or not?

 

Rather than wondering if he holds a chance with you you are supposed to be thinking "do i find him interesting? do i feel the attraction?" etc...

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When you girls go out on dates, when do you decide if he holds a chance with you or not? During or after the date? Do you think about the date after you come home n then decide what to do about it?

 

I don't ever think if a guy "holds a chance with me" while dating. That makes it sound like you think you are superior to your dates, Tinu, or in some type of power position.

 

While on a date, I am paying attention to cues and the conversation. I like to see if he makes good eye contact, if he's asking questions AND answering them, if we are laughing, and generally having a good time. Basically, during the day I am in the moment and experiencing him, and going off the vibe to know if am having fun and want to be in his company again.

 

It's not something I come home later and have to decide on. Stay in the moment on the date, and just go with how you feel at the time. If you have to have an internal dialogue later on it, then he's probably not the right guy.

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That sounds like the same thing to me, perhaps I'm missing something?

 

this is what i was referring to:

 

I don't ever think if a guy "holds a chance with me" while dating. That makes it sound like you think you are superior to your dates, Tinu, or in some type of power position.

 

it sounded like Tinu was sitting there and evaluating if the guy is good enough for her or not...

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Agreed. Not good.

 

yea.. and when you combine that vibe of hers with the below it becomes pretty clear why nothing positive comes out of her dates:

 

My personality is such that I can't think straight while I'm on a date, so even if a guy asks me "so what are you doing next week?" "so, what do you think?" I end up muttering something. That discourages them.
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yea.. and when you combine that vibe of hers with the below it becomes pretty clear why nothing positive comes out of her dates

 

Agreed again. Its not for her lack of a good intention, it just seems that Tinu can't get out of her own way.

 

Tinu - the way you describe dating and your dates is never with any kind of FUN. It always sounds so business-like and void of the best parts of dating. And Gry is right. If your attitude on a date is about deciding if a guy is worthy, then I wonder how much they can vibe on that...

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Tinu, Generally, I think you need to be more relaxed on a date. Be more playful and humorous. In my book, a date above all else should be fun. That even if you never go out with that person again, I can look back and say I had a good time.

Yes, I agree.

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Yes, I ended up choosing wrong words n said what I didn't mean to say. I didn't realize it until this point. No, what I was asking was at what point you decide if you want to meet him again or not.

Yes, I've noticed that I am not lite on a date. I get nervous, I get tensed up. That sends out a wrong message. I can recollect, when I've stayed lite, went with the flow, I felt good, the guy felt comfortable too. Yes, Ariel you are right, I need to get out of my way.

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Perhaps you should have a cocktail to loosen up a bit on a date, Tinu.

 

When do I decide if I want to see him again?

 

Well, if it's a blind date, if I like the way he looks when we meet, that bodes well.

 

After that, I am deciding pretty much the whole date, judging on what he is saying, how I feel around him, etc.

 

I always know by the end of the date if I'm into him enough for date two or not.

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Perhaps you should have a cocktail to loosen up a bit on a date, Tinu.

When do I decide if I want to see him again?

Well, if it's a blind date, if I like the way he looks when we meet, that bodes well.

After that, I am deciding pretty much the whole date, judging on what he is saying, how I feel around him, etc.

I always know by the end of the date if I'm into him enough for date two or not.

Correct. okay. I can tell too by the end of the date but my issue is, I come home, chew the cud over n over and change my answer n go back to the man after 2 weeks have passed by without any contact. I need to improve on that, big time.

I think by the end of the date most men know if they want to see a girl again or not. If they don't, they dont say anything. If they do, they will tell you. I'm gonna try n be that way now on. If I like a man, show him on the date or forever hold my peace. I'm gonna develop a habit of not thinking about a man after I come home and go back to him again just to get slapped.

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Tinu, I think the problem is you are "thinking" too much... Romance is all about "feelings". You can easily tell whether you want to go out on a second date or not by the way you "felt" during the first date. If you come back home and "think" it over then that shows that you are approaching this whole thing in a wrong way. You can think and analyze if it is an Arranged Marriage proposal, but for dating you purely go based on how you felt.

 

The guy can be a great guy with good education, health, car, job, habits, etc... but if he cannot make you "feel" good then the rest does not matter. He just looks good on paper.

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Gry is right, Tinu, as usual.

 

The time for the massive inner dialogue is when you are evaluating him before you even meet. That is when you judge what he offers on paper, versus what you are looking for in a date/mate.

 

Beyond that, dating IS about feelings, as Gry said.

 

If I've had a great date with a new guy, then I am coming home and feeling giddy like a school girl, and having fantasies about a next date, and remembering the key good parts about the evening. I'm just going on how I FEEL.

 

That's what love and romance is, Tinu.

 

It's not clinical and to be analyzed that hard.

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behaviors that attract men the most...
behaviors that attract men the most [Understand your man]

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