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Are some men sexually invisable?


Gripper

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Watched the end of a talk show today which featured some woman who had written a book about the types of men who never get laid.One type is the sexually invisable man.She reckons it does not matter how goodlooking, rich or confident this person is he will never be successful with women.She said women will run past them to go with a man far inferior to him as he has it and the sexually invisable man doesn't. She then goes on to say that women don't tend to suffer from the same thing until they are over fifty, when they may as well give up too. So girls is she talking rubbish?

 

Are there some men who you can see are attractive confident and rich but they just don't have it ? I don't get i as a man as when I see a girl I can tell how attractive she is from her looks. But perhaps women are less visual. I don't know. It could explain why some men are never successful and other unlikely types are. She doesn't also talk about how you can cure this 'condition' .I don't believe Iam sexually invisable now but I do think if I had whatever you need I would be far more successful than Iam. Lots of girls believed I was gay when I didn't have a girlfriend yet until a year ago when I started going out with someone I got zero interest.

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Well, how do you mean 'inferior'?

 

maybe these rich charming guys create no chemistry with the woman. it is quite clear, if there is no sexual chemistry, regardless of if you have sex or not... there will be no date.

 

I've met guys who are good looking, nice, funny, kind etc... but have zero desire to want to kiss them. Then there have been other guys who i have..

 

why did people think you were gay? can you think of why they might thought of that?

 

People's perception (even if it's wrong) is their reality

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Well, how do you mean 'inferior'?

 

maybe these rich charming guys create no chemistry with the woman. it is quite clear, if there is no sexual chemistry, regardless of if you have sex or not... there will be no date.

 

I've met guys who are good looking, nice, funny, kind etc... but have zero desire to want to kiss them. Then there have been other guys who i have..

 

why did people think you were gay? can you think of why they might thought of that?

 

People's perception (even if it's wrong) is their reality

 

Because apparently Iam attractive so if I don't have a girlfriend I must be gay according to them.Not just girls either , some of my friends thought it . But if no girl fancys you , you can be pleasing on the eye and successful and not have a partner according to this loveguru on TV. Bit of a shame if you do happen to be one of these men the loveguru calls sexually invisable.

 

As I said I have girlfriend now although I can't see it lasting. We are both very different and she lives some distance from me.

 

Inferior was the word she used to describe women bypassing in her terms the better male for the 'inferior' one.Those are not my words in fact I think she is wrong as those women obviously find something good about him so he isn't inferior to them is he.

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It would only make sense that a man was sexually invisible because there would be very few if any women who found him sexually attractive or desired to have sex with him. I am sure that there are men out there who are like this but I dont know how common or uncommon a man like that would be.

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Some men who try to be too nice, and care too much about what others think tend to try and separate their sexual desire from the personality they show the world. This is part of the "nice guy" syndrome that gets discussed on occasion.

 

The sad thing is that most women already assume you would, at some point, like to have sex with them - that's part of the reason why you approached them in the first place and denying it, or trying to completely hide that, is manipulative and dishonest. By trying to hide this part of yourself, you come accross as fake and in some case, almost disrespectful of a woman's intelligence (after all, you're acting as though she doesn't really know the truth).

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Some men who try to be too nice, and care too much about what others think tend to try and separate their sexual desire from the personality they show the world. This is part of the "nice guy" syndrome that gets discussed on occasion.

 

The sad thing is that most women already assume you would, at some point, like to have sex with them - that's part of the reason why you approached them in the first place and denying it, or trying to completely hide that, is manipulative and dishonest. By trying to hide this part of yourself, you come accross as fake and in some case, almost disrespectful of a woman's intelligence (after all, you're acting as though she doesn't really know the truth).

 

a confident guy usually isn't a pansy pushover though.

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In general, I'd say the two normally don't go together, you're right, but I've met plenty of guys who were basically confident people, but have no idea how to behave around women. They assume most women will be frightened from a guy who shows any sexuality whatsoever - as if they're only interested in that.

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Maybe it's just bad luck..although common sense would dictate that a rich, good looking and especially a confident guy wouldn't have too much trouble finding a woman, defying the law of averages perhaps it's happened that all the women he's been interested in are intimidated by his qualities and percieve him to be out of their league..or that there happens to be no chemistry..or it's just been the wrong place, wrong time, all the time..I can't figure that one out.

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I have a friend that eventually gets to kiss a girl - and it never goes past that. I used to hang out with him a lot, and we were even considered a couple by everyone that knew us - but he used to say himself nothing could ever go between us, and I totally agreed. he looks good, he is not poor, and he's not such a jerk.

 

thing is (and it's funny how I talked to a friend about him a couple of days ago, and used these words): when I'm with him, my inner alarm that goes on whenever there's an attractive male around simpy turns completely off.

 

and he's not gay either, or so say two gay friends of mine. gotta trust them, they have a damn sharp eye for that...

 

these are weird times...

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Some men who try to be too nice, and care too much about what others think tend to try and separate their sexual desire from the personality they show the world. This is part of the "nice guy" syndrome that gets discussed on occasion.

 

The sad thing is that most women already assume you would, at some point, like to have sex with them - that's part of the reason why you approached them in the first place and denying it, or trying to completely hide that, is manipulative and dishonest. By trying to hide this part of yourself, you come accross as fake and in some case, almost disrespectful of a woman's intelligence (after all, you're acting as though she doesn't really know the truth).

 

Wow, these are some of the most insightful words I have ever read on this forum. I am not just saying that either... You have essentially put into words a large part of my problem when it comes to approaching women!

 

I am COMPLETELY guilty of being reluctant to reveal any sexual interest in a girl either through innuendo, body language or whatever, regardless of how attracted I am to Her. The closest I get to that is whenever I compliment a girl on for example, her hair if She's got some new style or colour, or something She's wearing. And Just basic complimenting can feel damn difficult and awkward for me most of the time! Then again, I often may compliment a girl on such things even if I am not attracted to her like that. So maybe it doesn't really count...

 

We always hear about Girls labelling a guy with having "only one thing on his mind", and I am terrified as being labelled like that and passed off as a shallow sleaze if I make it clear that I am attracted to them and not merely just being friendly, the latter being what I result in doing most of the time, hence why I never get anywhere.

 

I guess I (and other love-shy guys who share my predicament) need to feel confident that Girls have an understanding that whenever a guy approachs them with the clear indication of attraction, that they are not going to be turned off because they assume I only want one thing and don't care about anything else, when in fact I only express interest in a girl if I find her good-looking AND I find her personality particularly attractive, or at least I perceive that She seems to have a nice personality.

 

Suggest sexual attraction, risk being tagged as sleazy. Hide sexual attraction, risk being seen as dishonest and manipulative. Talk about a conundrum!

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I don’t know, I have girls tell me I am a catch. I have girls flirt even. However a lot of them end up saying no to a date when and if I ask them. It gets really confusing because I don’t understand why they show so much interest if they aren’t even willing to go out with me.

 

It also causes me to not ask the next girl out who flirts because so many do this and don’t seem to actually mean it. It’s even more confusing when she has a boyfriend and yet seems to be flirting and paying far too much attention to me for someone that just wants to be my friend.

 

So maybe there is something to this. Maybe I am sexually invisible. Girls feel comfortable with me as a friend but really don’t ever want more. I just end up disappointed hurt and less confident.

 

I know what you mean about people thinking you must be gay. I’m not but because I don’t date a lot and I go through long dry spells some girls start to think something is wrong with me or that I’m gay.

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Some men who try to be too nice, and care too much about what others think tend to try and separate their sexual desire from the personality they show the world. This is part of the "nice guy" syndrome that gets discussed on occasion.

 

The sad thing is that most women already assume you would, at some point, like to have sex with them - that's part of the reason why you approached them in the first place and denying it, or trying to completely hide that, is manipulative and dishonest. By trying to hide this part of yourself, you come accross as fake and in some case, almost disrespectful of a woman's intelligence (after all, you're acting as though she doesn't really know the truth).

 

I also think it’s dishonest for a girl to lead you on, clearly displaying a sexual attraction to you and then tell you that there is none when you finally try to do something about it. That’s insulting to my intelligence.

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That's absolutely the biggest reason why guys try to hide it. Being labeled as having "only one thing" on your mind.

 

But women have sex too. And think about it far more than they often admit. lol. This doesn't mean every woman will jump into bed with you on the first date, or after a brief meeting in a bar, but a lot of guys get "friendzoned" because they come accross as exactly that - just someone who could be a friend. Or they get brushed off because a woman probably already has enough male friends - she's looking for someone she feels sexual chemistry with. Just being a nice person, and someone she can talk too isnt' going to do much for her sexual interest in you.

 

I am by no means an expert, but i've learned by analyzing my own behavior - what works, and what does not. Rejection is not something anybody enjoys, but the more you talk to people, the more comfortable you'll be and you'll find what works for you. And there is a difference between being suggestive and playful. you can flirt without being a pig. You can make eye contact and hold her gaze without appearing to be a stalker. lol

 

The goal, I suppose, is to not hide who and what you are as a man, because you'll come accross as being nervous and uncomfortable - and why wouldn't you be? You're talking to a complete stranger, and you're trying to hide your attraction to her at the same time. This is why a lot of guys don't understand the "Be yourself" mantra you read a lot.

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I also think it’s dishonest for a girl to lead you on, clearly displaying a sexual attraction to you and then tell you that there is none when you finally try to do something about it. That’s insulting to my intelligence.

 

You used the word "Finally" in your comment - when you "finally" try to do something.

 

Perhaps you're waiting too long to make a move to the next level? She's already friended you as you didn't pick up on her body language and signals earlier?

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You used the word "Finally" in your comment - when you "finally" try to do something.

 

Perhaps you're waiting too long to make a move to the next level? She's already friended you as you didn't pick up on her body language and signals earlier?

 

I agree to that. once you have CLEAR signs of sexual attraction, you should go ahead and send CLEAR signs of your position about it (either 'hooray!' or 'I'll pass' would do). the problem is when you don't make your mind fast enough, and you FINALLY decide something, she already cooled back to 32° frozen state, when no fluids of hers will ever get mixed with yours, unless you do a reaaaally good job of heating her again.

 

what also happens to me quite often is that I get interested on a guy somewhat close to when I'm ovulating, and then he seems to get interested, but won't really make a move. by the time he actually shows some interest, I'm already going through the 'I hate everyone around me, xx, xy or xxy' stage of pms, and therefore temporarily unable to care too much about anyone outside of my really intimate circle of friends/family, even less potential bf's.

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It sounds like the guys are too polite and don't make their intentions known, or are afraid to bring up their sexuality. Dropping in sexual innuendo into a conversation once in a while will go a long way to being thought of in a sexual manner.

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true. and it makes it _very_hard_ to sort if it's just a joke or if there really was something there.

 

to avoid being delusioned, when it comes to guys, I've learned to listen to their actions only. (but I make it clear when it's a "you want it? you got it" X p)

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