Where do I go now???

[HerDestiny]

I take a shower now without thinking my ex is going to climb through the window and try to kill me. I finally have found some peace.

 

I have talked to my mother twice in about four months. I no longer have someone screaming at me out of jealousy when I have a small success in my life.

 

I'm getting over PTSD and past abuse and hit a brick wall. I have no idea what's next!

 

I put so much mental energy into getting over these things that I forgot to plan out what to do after this stuff was out of my way. There's more to life than getting over abuse and trauma!

 

Finally, I'm here. I have peace, stability, happiness...and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing now.

 

I'm only really happy if I'm working toward something and I am doing that with my business and had a small success with that yesterday (that I don't dare tell my mother about, of course) so I'm not stagnant with work -- I'm moving forward there and know where I'm going.

 

Personally, I have no idea at all. I'm 35, no kids, in a 2 year relationship, barely any contact with family but I have my friends around me. My friends are my surrogate family, however...they don't have a whole lot of progress or direction going on in their lives either. They're a bad influence in this department because they seem content with staying still. We hardly discuss our futures because they're so content, meanwhile, I'm far from content!

 

I want to move forward.

 

Where am I supposed to be going???

 

I'm a leader by nature, not a follower. But a leader without direction? Now, I'm not even being true to myself and my personality! A leader isn't much of one without a direction to go in!

 

I have a general idea of where I'm supposed to be by now. I spent (more like wasted) years of my life with abusive people so I didn't progress like a lot of people my age. Abusive people are extremely time consuming!

 

By the way, if anybody reading this is in an abusive situation, I must say no matter how confused I feel right now (which is giving me some anxiety), this is still better than being in an abusive situation. If you're in the middle of one, find a way to GET OUT.

 

I'm finally in a position in my life to thrive. I'm so glad about that, don't get me wrong. I'm happy to be where I am!

 

But, where do I go from here? What's next?

 

I'm so lost...

[lostNspace]

I felt the same way after I got divorced (and my marriage was very similar to yours). I ended up going back to school and finishing up a 2nd college degree. It was just something to do with my time, but also something I knew I needed to do for my sanity. It at least gave me the impression that I was moving forward.

 

I had zero desire to date or be social in any way for years after my divorce. It's not that I couldn't get past the divorce. I was just tired, didn't know where to start (still really don't), and had no desire to put in the effort that a relationship would take.

 

If you don't need or want to go back to school, find an area where you can volunteer. Even small goals make a big difference.

 

Eventually you'll figure out which direction you need to go, but in the meantime, you need to find something constructive to do so that you aren't tempted to just fall into the same rut of contentment that your friends have fallen into.