A bad emotional situation

[4answers]

Hi Guys. (long post, sorry)

 

As you know I have posted on here previously, And this site has been of great help.

 

I however have re read all my previous posts and the answers given, because I was about to post something that I have basically already asked.

 

To do this, only highlights to my self that I am not coping with the core issues that I have.

 

Whilst a lot of the issue I have around relationship breakups and reconciliation with my actions, some good some not so good have been resolved in my head and heart

 

One key area remains. Before I can feel happiness again.

 

I feel inside that I am very attractive and desirable, but on the outside I dont receive those responses. Kind of like an entrapped personality ! Perceive yourself differently to what you are...

 

This once unrecognized issue has led me whilst in a relationship to be overly confident about my ability to replace the partner if things have not been working out. And therefore to take the easy way out and end the relationship.

 

When this has happened and the ex moves on, the emotional interest from them to me is gone and I realise what I have done, I have acted badly to regain the lost partner. Obsession, depression etc.

 

Whilst single I have approached women who I find desirable but I am not as good looking on the outside as the feelings on the inside and have suffered rejection and then went with women who I was not attracted to for emotional interest. This I have regretted. leading to a spiral of depresion.

 

These issues that I have described in brief have always been a part of my life, combined with a lack of understanding of what a relationship is all about, i.e. the positive emotional interest of a person in you and that this is what goes.

 

However I now find myself in a position where I have due to these previously unrecognized issues walked the wrong path and caused myself a world of pain, heartbreak and loss.

 

Because I am a decent person, I bitterly regret my past actions, and choices that I feel were made on wrong information ! (upbring issues).

 

I cant turn back time and regain the emotional interest of these people but I cant live with the fact that it was down to my own self that destroyed that interest.

 

In particular the loss of one person who I pushed into the arms of another because I did not recognize what the relationship provided and what would be gone. I took the easy road and thought I could simply replace her with another. (usual pattern). Then chased, obsessed etc. (My actions as my previous posts show, would of hurt her) (A regret)

 

Now that I am fully aware of these personal issue and the effects of them, I have been able to identify what I want out of a relationship.

 

But the issues although recognized are still there and the wrong road choices I made are still there. I ended something with someone when I should of stayed and married her. She moved on, I was devastated and for years have been single - trying to understand why, how etc. (Which as shown I have). But although the cause and effects have been dealt with. The aftermath is still there.

 

The girl is with another because of me and I cant forgive myself or live with myself.

 

I want to turn back time and have my girlfriend back ! That is the feelings that I have and no matter how I rationalize or understand the cause, effect and aftermath. I still feel the same....

 

This is a constant deppression issue ! as well as Rejection, failure, non interest of the opposite sex = lonliness and value reversal for the ex.

 

How do I resolve this !

[Silvery]

how about...

 

move on, stop living in the past and forget your ex, its' been years and she has moved on, so should you.

 

instill patience in yourself whilst getting to know a girl. Build a foundation of friendship before going to the dating stage, it takes alot of work and time yes, but the attraction builds in the friendship stage. i doubt it last very long if otherwise.

 

you have all the answeres of that you're doing wrong... so stick to it! The only person who can help you is you yourself. Words and threads on a forum can only push you so far.