Why do so many women base their own self-worth on men's sexual attraction to them?

[Karibo]

I'm an attractive girl and in the past (and probably still a bit now) I used to love getting male attention because of my looks. Now though, I feel much more resentment towards it, like no-one sees the real me underneath the looks.

 

I feel torn, like I want to feel like I've made an effort with my appearance because it makes me feel better about myself (instead of just "letting myself go coz of low self-esteem). However, when I make an effort with my appearance I resent all the male attention (and sometimes comments that are sexist and chovenistic). I feel annoyed that for so long I based my worth on this attention and I don't know how to let my personality be the basis of my self-worth.

 

I feel angry that so many women dress and change themselves to fit into conformities that guys are attracted to. I don't understand why men a;ways say they prefer women without makeup yet if the same girl went out with no-make up one day, yet the next with it on, she'd get more glances when she made more effort.

 

Also, it annoys me when men say they want a good woman with morals, yet they looks at the women who blatantly dress for sexual attention.

 

Why do we care so much about what men think about our looks. afterall this attention isn't about love or how "worthy" we are - it is about attraction that is often short-lived.

 

This has come about because at the weekend a blonde girl seemed to want to compete with me (im blonde too) for my boyfriends attention, as if she thought that if he looked at her more (with all her grinding around in front of us and looking at him suggestively) then it would mean she was more attractive than me. He did glance a little, but at the end of the day he's not the kind of guy who'd cheat or anything and he always says personality means much more than looks anyway and that i've got the best of both looks and personality lol. But it annoyed me so much that this girl was giving me so much agro for a power trip based on how sexually attractive she wants to feel. And it seems it worked a little because now these issues have arisen even though at the time i pretended not to even notice her.

[Karibo]

I did that and I felt like I was losing self-esteem in the sense of not taking care of my appearance. But at the same time, I did feel happier in the sense of having the "real me" shine through more. I dunno, I suppose I felt less sexually attractive without my make-up on and it's hard to deal with the subsidance of this attention...thus reaffirming that I base my worth partially on my looks and others reactions to them...

[l9grl]

Try wearing less and less makeup each day, until you're not wearing any. Think of it as an experiment - it could be fun. Maybe get some of your friends in on it.

 

Try dressing more and more casual each day, until you're wearing what you feel truly comfortable in.

 

Some people are attracted to women who are 'made up', but not everyone is.

[Scorpion Fury]

grinding in front of him? were you guys dancing?

[Karibo]

grinding in front of him? were you guys dancing?

 

Yes we were dancing together and he didn't seem to notice her as much as she wanted so she was "accidentally" brushing past him. At other times she was looking me up and down trying to make me feel insecure. When I told my boyfriend how she made me feel he just said "she's just jealosu because we are so happy together".

 

She wasn't grinding on him, but just in front of us.

[SayWhen]

It's funny that you mention women who "let themselves go" as having low self-esteem. Actually, a lot of the time, women who are out and about without having to be all made-up are the ones with the highest self-esteem because they don't feel that they have to go the extra mile to get attention and feel some sort of worth through that attention. Men look at the made-up woman who are scantily clad as possible one-night stands...generally not much more. Women who dress down to not get as many looks from passer-bys...but instead they look for the sort of attention from a more select group of men who could be potential partners. So, in short...women who base their own self-worth on how attracted men are to them really have very little self-esteem or dignity, and are trying to fill that void with attention that really isn't very healthy. JMHO.

[Scorpion Fury]

Yes we were dancing together and he didn't seem to notice her as much as she wanted so she was "accidentally" brushing past him. At other times she was looking me up and down trying to make me feel insecure. When I told my boyfriend how she made me feel he just said "she's just jealosu because we are so happy together".

 

She wasn't grinding on him, but just in front of us.

 

I would have laughed right in her face then tripped her while she was dancing

[Seymore]

What I don't get is when women dress "hot" to get male attention, then blame the men, saying "We dress like this because men like it". No offense, but a man didn't pick your clothes out and dress you. You did.

 

Have some self-respect. If a guy is going to check out your "assets" and judge you by that without getting to know you, do you really want him? Ask yourself what kind of guys you're looking to attract - the jerk/but so hot types? Am I going to ogle a girl who dresses sexy? Sure I am. Shortly after, I'll say to myself "No class/probably a * * * * /etc." I'll respect a girl without makeup and in baggy jeans and a t-shirt far more at first sight. Personally, I LOVE conservatively-dressed women. A girl who doesn't feel the need to obsess over makeup is awesome.

 

You attract who you WANT to attract. I used to care far too much about attracting girls back in college. I'd dress in a way that I didn't feel comfortable with. I'm not a preppy-type, what the hell am I doing wearing this garbage? But it looks classy, and that's what girls want. I'm not a classy guy. I'm decent looking, I guess, but I don't need the polo shirt and khakis. Am I going to sit there and blame women for being attractive to preppy types? Heck no. I'm going to blame myself for wasting money on clothes to change someone's perception of me.

 

I am who I am. If a girl thinks a guy in a hoodie and jeans with a hole or two in them is ghetto, I don't need that girl. Most girls who have actually gotten to know me really like me. And there ARE people out there that will get to know you. Don't use "those guys" as an excuse. You don't need them.

[d24]

it's completely sad that some women do infact define their self-worth through others' perception of their physical attractiveness... and yet we're all hoodwinked to some extent into the thinking that if you're a good looking person and you dress sexy you're going to get more attention..... because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Long and short of it, men do like to look - but it doesn't make you as a person any more desireable - only you as a sexual object. And I was led to believe women don't like to be objectified? *ponders*

[Sweet Venus]

Hmmm..i like dressing up and wearing make-up...because the truth is it makes ME feel

more pulled together. Sure.I could walk around with no make up on, in sweats but I know that is not going to bring out the confident side of me.I dress "down' when I am not working...and by dressing down I mean I wear jeans, a tank top, sandals, pony tail and no make-up. What is wrong with wanting to look attractive? Isn't that why we all work out? Isn't that why we bother brushing our hair??

 

Yeah I could wear sweats every day to "prove' I'm not trampy or so someone will be attracted to ME for me....but what is the likelihood of that happening?

 

That said.. the girl who was "grinding" in front of your bf just sounds like an insecure

tramp. Her looks had nothing to do with it..and whether she was pretty or not

wouldn;t have made a difference. Period.

[Ariel85]

It's actually all part of the natural sexual maturation process between the sexes. It's no different in the animal kingdom. We all preen in order to attract the most alpha of the species for mating (or dating, in our case).

 

I get you on the objectification thing. When I was 15-25, I really got off on being the hottest thing around, and was known for it, and played it up. Now, I also tweak if a guy keeps going on about how *hawt* I am. I am much more interested in a guy who digs me for my inside, and then considers the outside to be bonus.

 

That all being said, once we are happily dating, and I know he IS interested in more than my looks, then I don't mind him going on about it, because I know he is with me for more than that.

[LBP]

Hmmm..i like dressing up and wearing make-up...because the truth is it makes ME feel

more pulled together. Sure.I could walk around with no make up on, in sweats but I know that is not going to bring out the confident side of me.I dress "down' when I am not working...and by dressing down I mean I wear jeans, a tank top, sandals, pony tail and no make-up.

 

Mmm. Jeans, tanktop, pony tail... No make-up... Sounds good to me!

 

I recently convinced my girlfriend that she actually looked more attractive without makeup. Ever since she hasn't worn it and not only looks better, but feels better as well.

 

I'm not a fan of makeup, save for, I don't know, lip stick, I guess.

[Sweet Venus]

Mmm. Jeans, tanktop, pony tail... No make-up... Sounds good to me!

 

I recently convinced my girlfriend that she actually looked more attractive without makeup. Ever since she hasn't worn it and not only looks better, but feels better as well.

 

I'm not a fan of makeup, save for, I don't know, lip stick, I guess.

 

Yeah Jeans ,tank top sandals..that's casual right??

I am a fan of just lip gloss and mascara...it's really ALL a girl needs..

[madmarten]

Yeah dress down a bit, Still look sharp but try jeans and a polo or blouse and maybe some glasses. That should weed out some of the cat callers, etc. Do this and just start talking to guys you might be interested in and see what happens. Be glad you get some attention. Some people are starving for attention.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you have to learn it is about balance. It seems to me that people in general want to get complimented on their strong points. Excessive attention to one quality can get annoying. People want recognition for what they feel that actually have to offer and one when quality or characteristic gets excessively talked about then that is when there is a problem because the other qualities are being missed.

[sweetdslollipop]

it's completely sad that some women do infact define their self-worth through others' perception of their physical attractiveness

 

well, if she was attractive, she would get attention right? lol

 

Be glad you get some attention.

 

well, to answer your question, we care because we want to get dates, which might lead to love, a family kids, etc. it makes us feel pretty, etc.