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Hi,

 

Most of you know my story: my ex left me for someone else, about 7 months ago. He never told this by himself, but I saw an sms as I found he was acting very distant. As soon as he couldn't deny anymore, he left, after a 5-year relationship with me. He said it was good for 4,5 years, but the last months he started to doubt (probably meeting that girl had to do somehting with it). Once he met this new girl he said he realised things could be different. And in stead of trying to make our relationship work, and make it different he chose for the new thing.

 

Before we never had any issues, and were really good together. Now I find it difficult to let go. I read so much, and speak to friends, family and a counsellor. But still you know, I love him and wish he would come back to see how it can be different. I am sure if both want to work on it, the relationship could become more intense, deeper, and better.

 

But he didn't want to and right after the break-up he was together with the new girl. This now for already 7 months. After a few months he put pictures of a romantic weekend on facebook, all so painful for me, I was still in shock!

 

Now I also saw he booked a holiday to Indonesia with her. Which was our last trip, at the end of 2007! He is doing exaclty the same thing with her: going for 3 weeks, in exaclty the same period that we went, but then 2 years later.

 

This hurts me so much as that holiday was really special for me. But now he is doing exaclty the same with her, so it can't have been that specials for him.

 

Am curious what you guys think of this...? And how can I really let go as it looks like he will never ever get back to me...

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1. Go sign up for the No Contact challenge in the getting back together forum. Do strictly no contact.

 

2. Delete him from facebook or block him from facebook. Block his girlfriend as well. If you all have mutual friends, deactivate your facebook account.

 

3. Block him from your messenger services

 

4. Take his name and number out of your phone.

 

Stop learning all this information about him. It hurts, but the only way to move on is to delete him from your life and to live yours well.

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I am depressed and broken hearted because I don't know where my life is going anymore and I'm not sure I see the point of all the work I am doing professionally.

 

But this much I have learned (similar situation 2.5 years together, essentially left for someone else and has been with her since the split 5 months ago). Getting closure and moving on is not going to happen from anything you tell him. You are still wanting him to be the one that gives you answers and this is natural because he probably did this during your relationship too.

 

You have to find your own answers. The more distance you get from him and the relationship, the more you will see the personality traits and signals that he sent while he was treating you so badly. You will know in your heart why he decided to do this. You may not like the answer; it may make you sad that he is not the person you thought he was, that in fact you were alone all along when you thought you had a true bond. But with NC and with time, you will know. And knowing will help you feel better about yourself and the choices you made.

 

He is not going to give you the answers you need so you really do need to block yourself from any information about his new life. If he is with someone else for 7 months, then there is no relationship. It is over. This does not sound like a case of waffling to me.

 

And if all this sounds awful and painful and hurtful, well, at least you're not alone. I'm right there with you. You can always send me a private message if you want to talk.

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Aw hun - I know how much this really hurts your heart.

 

John and Peace Lily have given you top advice, as hard a pill as it may be to swallow. The longer you keep checking up on him, the longer you will set yourself back.

 

Relationships end for all sorts of reasons and often you can feel short changed in being told what those reasons were. But you have to look at the facts and draw your own conclusions. He is with someone else and has been for some time. There is your answer right there.

 

Walk away hun - disconnect from this and give yourself some time to properly heal. Come back on here if you feel down or weak because lots of people here know exactly how you feel.

 

Mark

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I have never been in your situation exactly but I can only imagine how you're hurting. Like a hard kick in the stomach and you now wonder what is special any more. I agree with peace_lilly, she makes a lot of sense. You need to REALLY see the truth of things objectively. I know.It sucks. Since you were with him for almost 5 years it's natural for the healing process to take a while. It's good to speak to people, understand your emotions and mature through this yet ACTION is the best cure. Have you done the usual like getting a new haircut, some clothes, dance in your bedroom to "survivor", extend your social network e.t.c ? Are you going out enough? (i had some pretty bad times since being away from my guy, some others not so bad and eventually I hope you just learn to rise above it-I'm not there yet by the way..)

 

Musicje08, all you've really got is this moment. Your life is YOURS. I'm sure you've got a great mind. As I read somewhere "use it for something else rather than thinking of him"

 

Here's a funny but very accurate article that might help

 

 

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The longer you keep checking up on him, the longer you will set yourself back.

 

Relationships end for all sorts of reasons and often you can feel short changed in being told what those reasons were. But you have to look at the facts and draw your own conclusions. He is with someone else and has been for some time. There is your answer right there.

 

Walk away hun - diconnect from this and give yourself some time to properly heal. Come back on here if you feel down or weak because lots of people here know exactly how you feel.

 

Mark

 

And I do feel very down or weak, pffff. He was the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It is just so hard when they leave you for someone else, without any warning or feedback why. The hope is gone as he is living a new life with her. But it hurts so much...

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Hun - I know how much it must hurt you. It sucks big time but all you can do is pack your bags and walk away.

 

It is perverse - whatever reason we are given don't seem to make sense and the no reasons hurt like hell - you cannot win!

 

Take the information you do have and run!

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