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Travelling for a wedding

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So I'm writing up my wedding invite list for those who I'd want at the ceremony and those I'd want at the wedding breakfast, for the buffet/disco and I've realised something... there may be people I want to invite who live so far away that they wouldn't or practically couldn't come for just the evening do....


I'm not talking "oh no I live 100miles away" - I'm talking countries... continents sometimes! I have to admit, I doubt they'd come just for the evening thing, but I really want them there. So does that mean I need to invite them for the whole ceremony/meal/buffet/disco (making the price go way way up) just to ensure they'll come? (i know that sounds desperate and depressing, but i mean i'd probably resent having to go to hundreds/thousands of miles to see a friend/cousin getting married if i was only invited to the buffet/disco - would feel like an almost wasted trip)


They're not 'bit players' either - they're Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, etc...


... so it then comes down to either finding a venue for like 100 people (which means a wedding breaksfast for 100, and a buffet/disco for 100 = expensive)... or hoping that those abroad or far far away will travel all the way up just for a few hours buffet/disco.


.... or potentially just not inviting them at all and creating tension etc with the families.


Ugh I'm so confused!

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Personaly I would invite uncles, aunts and close family to the whole thing..it only shows that you care..and to me those are the people who at the end of the day are always gonna be there for me so i try to cut the cost by some other means..mybe inviting not so close friends/work mates to everything?


Whats your plan for the wedding?

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I'm not an expert on wedding etiquette, but I think the right thing to do in this case is to call each of them and ask them if they think they would want to make the trip or if it would be just too far and expensive. If they say they would like to come anyway, send them an invitation. If they say they can't, send them a "marriage announcement" card and a note that says they will be missed and you will be thinking of them on your special day.


This way you include everyone, no hurt feelings... and you know that a lot of them probably aren't going to make the trip so you don't have to order extra food since you know whether or not they will be there.


Actually, you should have everyone RSVP so you know you aren't ordering extra food for people that you think might come but don't.



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well the original plan was something like 40 for the ceremony (close family + friends) and the sit down meal, and then we invite the other 60-70 or so to the buffet/disco at night (not so close family and friends/colleagues).


but realistically i dont think half of them would be able to (nor particularly want to) come over from different countries, 100s/1000s of miles, etc if it's just the night time do they're invitied to.... it's a long way to travel for a party isn't it?


and it's not a small number of extra family members either.... counting off the top of my head there'd be 28 of them in total..... so that kinda means we need to invite everyone for everything


which means... what... 68 minimum for the ceremony and sit down meal? that's like 2/3rds of the total guests ... maybe we should just do it for all 100 of them?


Kinda just makes the costs spiral out of control in my mind (!)


I like the RSVP thing... if people could let us know in advance at least I'd have some idea of whether it'd be worth doing.... maybe a 'save this date' card or something?

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In my opinion if your family members from other countries are willing to foot the expense and time to come accross the world to celebrate your wedding it would be EXTREMELY rude to not invite them to all of the festivities. Not only are they going well out of their way to show you and your fiancee respect they are also in a foreign area and you should try to help keep them entertained.


I'm curious are the primary family members being discussed yours or her family?

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I think that if people are travelling from different countries to be at your wedding it would be rude not to invite them to the entire do..


I know it makes it hard but if they are paying for airfares (thousands) to be there for you its hard to say you dont want to pay an extra $150 or whatever it is to pay for their food..

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I agree that if people are flying accross the country (plane ticket, hotel, gift for you, etc. etc) it would be rude to invite them to just a portion of the festivities. While it will rack up your total, consider that they will have decided that your special day was worth the inconvenience of traveling/vacation time, etc. AND the money. If you're not able to invite them for financial reasons, I like the suggestion above of sending a wedding announcement letting them know you will be thinking of them on your wedding day.

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I'd say 5 of my family members are UK, the rest of them are abroad. On her side it's probably around 5 abroad. Then same country (Machester ~ 4hrs) I have my family friends and school friends, and hers are probably 100miles mainland UK. So almost none of her guests have a significant amount of travelling to do.


and i worry she'll think i'm taking over if i invite those people to everything - cos i'll have way more guests than her. not that it should matter, but some of these people she hasn't actually met. I can imagine not wanting 'strangers' at your wedding.


it is mostly my people who are the problem.


i agree it would be really unfair and rude not to invite the travellers for everything... but then considering the travellers + close friends and family is like 2/3rds of the total - we may as well invite the other 30 or so local friends / colleagues etc for the meal and be done with it?


The costs aren't my primary concern (though it will be extremely expensive) - I'm more worried about finding a venue for the ceremony. Our local parish only holds 50 which sadly effectively rules that out, but the place we want for the reception could do civil ceremonies for 100 - but I'm not convinced that's what we want.


So how would I even go about finding another church locally (near the reception venue) who'd be willing or able to take in 2 randoms for a marriage? And also, I'll need to find somewhere who can hire us around 30 rooms or so... cos these travellers will have to stay up!

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Do some web searches, I love Yelp and they have a UK site


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I don't know how active it is, but it may help. I know here there are tons of websites on different venues, ask around! I have planned many many parties and still find out about new venues here or there. Even do random googles on your area and wedding words, find other people who have gotten married and where they had theirs.


This may not go along with your religion, but what about having the wedding ceremony at a secular venue (botanical garden, hall) with your priest?


Congratulations on getting married! Remember that the wedding is just the first step of your married life.

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