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Why the 30 days? Does it apply in a bad-terms breakup?


Xuul

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I mostly get the 30 days of NC.... I can see it being helpful to the dumper, but is it helpful to the person that's been dumped? We were together for almost two years and friends before that. We had some big problems, mostly with communication and being so afraid of being hurt that we ended up hurting each other. I felt toward the end like we were improving, but she did not. She couldn't let go of the bad arguments we'd had, and she was dealing with some other personal issues toward the end that had little, if anything to do with me.

 

On Valentines day she left. She totally misunderstood what I was trying to say to her during the aftermath of an argument, blew up and accused me of being at fault for everything wrong with her life. She's usually so smart and sweet though.... We had a dispute over who got the cat after that (she took it while moving out without asking, I wanted it back). She was very unhappy about that and hung up on me. I haven't talked to her since. It's been 24 days and I've done a lot of soul searching. I've talked to my therapist a few times and see life through a bit of a different prism than I did just mere weeks ago. I feel like I made some awful mistakes with her - I know I did. I never stopped Loving her though.

 

It's a lot longer than that, but I've already typed up an e-mail to her. It's fairly short and sweet.... here's what it says:

 

 

Hi,

 

I'm writing to you with peaceful intentions and I hope you're doing well. I know that this time of year is not easy for you. I know that we didn’t leave off on good terms the last time we spoke, but I want to let you know that I am here for you.

 

Over the past several weeks, I have spent a lot of time thinking over my life in the past few years. I've come to a few conclusions and have learned some things about myself that were very hard to admit. You were right about what was going on. Maybe it's god's sick joke, but I think I had to spend time alone in order to see the whole picture.

 

I’d really like to talk to you about some of the things I’ve learned recently.

 

If you would prefer stick to e-mail, I understand. If it is too soon, I understand that as well and hope that we can talk soon. I do care about you a lot.

 

Should I send it now? Do I really need to wait for 6 more days? If so, can you tell me why? Maybe you think I shouldn't send it at all? I need help. I Love this woman. We were engaged and I really want to spend my life with her.

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My ex-fiance took the cat too man. lol.

 

Yeah man. I'd send the email. I'm always weary of breaking contact, but she's your fiance. You know her better than most. You have to just be prepared for the worst. She might tell you it is over forever and never to contact her again.

 

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

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