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My relationship/soulmate/"the one" theory


supp11

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So I have been thinking a lot about relationships in general lately, and after a month of thought, I came up with a theory. My theory is that there is no such thing as "the one", nor a soulmate, nor any other word you would like to use in its place. How did I come up with this?

 

Well, from my own experience, and from other experiences from different people. Here is how I am thinking:

 

Lets say someone is 20, and they are in a relationship. They think "wow this is the guy/girl for me!" and they talk about marriage and kids. Later on they break up, and then they realize that their ex "wasnt the one". They find someone else. This person is now 25. They fall madly in love with this person, and they are together for three years. They start talking about marriage, and they move in together. They both think each other is the person they want to be with forever. A year later, they break up. They both realize that their ex wasnt the one for them after all.

 

This process repeats again and again and again and again, until the person is like "OMG...I am 35 years old! Im almost 40 and Im not married, nor do I have plans on getting married! This sucks". Now, the person finds someone else, and they are together for 10 years. They end up getting married, and everything is great, they buy a house, and they have a kid together. One of the people have an affair, and they get a divorce. Now, the person is 45 yrs old, and they are very depressed, because they are getting older, and they dont have someone. This person finds one more person, and they get married. They are together for 19 years, and the other person unexpectedly dies. The person is now 64-65 yrs old, and their life is arguably over.

 

The two separate endings are:

 

1. The person finds one more person, and the person dies while leaving the other person a widow/widower. Technically, the person could have said that "this is the one for me", because the person was old, and they knew that they were probably going to die and still be with this person.

 

2. The person does not find someone else, and the person ends up dying without being married or in a relationship.

 

Basically, life is full of dating, getting together, marriage, and breakups/divorce. The process repeats itself until the person dies, or until the person just wants to stay in the relationship for whatever reason (getting too old, have kids, etc). This is why there is no such thing as "the one", etc. We are just a bunch of animals who think that things are "meant to be" or "not meant to be" whenever things happen. Also, for the few people in the world who have been married for 50+ years...kudos...you are truly compatible (providing there are no hidden problems), but you are not soulmates...you simply get along well enough to live together for a looooooong period of time. That is all.

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I finished reading a book last week called "Are you the one for me?". It says the same thing - there is no "the one" - and that it's a dangerous assumption to make. In a world of a billion people, it's not possible to have ONE soul mate.

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Is it cynical, though? I mean, there are literally tons of people you could be fully compatible with and have a long-lasting, full marriage with - until the day you die. How can you possibly know until you've met every single person on the face of the earth?

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I finished reading a book last week called "Are you the one for me?". It says the same thing - there is no "the one" - and that it's a dangerous assumption to make.

 

Really? That is interesting! Im glad other people think like me.

 

 

someone sounds a bit cynical...?

 

I do not believe so. People can STILL get married and have a family and have a wonderful life and live happily ever after...BUT this doesnt mean that they are "soulmates", this just means that they are very compatible.

 

 

Is it cynical, though? I mean, there are literally tons of people you could be fully compatible with and have a long-lasting, full marriage with - until the day you die. How can you possibly know until you've met every single person on the face of the earth?

 

Pretty much exactly what I mean...and even if it would be possible to be with a majority of the people in the world, you most likely would be able to say "well, numbers 234,767 thru 24,723,112 I can see myself with forever". In other words, you wouldnt just say oh, out of the XXX million people ive met, number 43,743,598 is my soulmate.

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Usually "soulmate" talk happens when the couple is still in the honeymoon phase. The truth is that a relationship is not some fairytale where you stay madly in love forever *if* you find your soulmate. A relationship is certainly not about destiny. If you are lucky enough to find someone who you mesh well with, then work on having a relationship with him/her...and keep on working. That alone will pay off and you will probably be happy with that person, so long as he/she keeps up the work on his/her end. Of course, this can happen with many people within one's lifetime. I'd like to think that my boyfriend is the person who I will spend the rest of my life with...but do I know that for sure? No. Anything could happen. IMHO it's really naive to believe in having a "soulmate."

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Yes, I don't believe in soulmates. There cannot possible be only ONE person on this earth meant for you.

 

I believe you can be compatible with someone and live happily with them, but people do change over time and, basically, anything can happen/go wrong. You just have to enjoy it while it lasts and hope it lasts!

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