jenna981 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 ok people... I'm starting to try and meet new people and find someone again. I'm thankful for this site for helping me get through a breakup and broken heart months ago. Now I'm hoping to avoid reacting too fast to certain things when dating again. I've went on a few dinner dates with a guy and he brought up how great a past ex was and how close they were. Every time we went out he brought up this past relationship at some point. I let it pass the first time..then he said it again. The 3rd time he said it and he said I really remind him of this girl and again how great they were together, kinda comparing us. So I asked how long ago it was and he said 6 years. I guess I was surprised in 6 years he hasn't found anyone else as great and still thought so strongly about it. Now I feel I have competition to be as great and almost noone can be as close to him as this past girl was. Am I just getting jealous here or could he still have some unresolved feelings for a past ex? even if he stops bringing it up...what was said was said and I'll probably keep having it in the back of my mind now. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 He's clearly not over her. But, I find it disrespectful that he keeps bringing her up to you. Your choices: 1 - stop dating him 2 - next time you're out with him, bring up an ex that you just saw in a Calvin Klein underwear ad, and how he was so great because he was so down to earth, despite being a model, and you only broke up when he moved to NY for his career, and you are happy to see how well he is doing. Pass the salt? Link to comment
ratfreak Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 There's a reason why he hasn't found anyone in 6 years - because he talks about an ex all the time and even when just meeting someone new. I'd steer clear... Link to comment
Keyman Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 If you like him and want to make something with him, you need to be upfront with him and tell him how you feel each time he mentions his ex. Tell him that if he continues to live in the past with memories of his ex, then he is unlikely to have a future with you or anyone. If he is interested in you, then he needs to forget the past and focus on you. Sure, most of us bring baggage into new relationships, if we didn't then we'd have been living under a rock for our entire lives, and to some that is baggage too. Comparrisons to past relationships are pretty typical too, we've all done it to some level. Again, you just need to tell him not to do this if he wants to stand a chance with you. You must like him to keep going out with him, so tell him the law according to you. Set the boundaries and keep to them else you might end up losing a great guy who just needs a loving hand to get over the past. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Well I dated a guy recently who only had negative things to say about his ex -about how annoying his ex was -how unattractive she was -didn't share the same sense of humour etc etc Then he tells me that he's still attracted to her but finds her annoying. Go figure. I would have more respect for someone who didn't trash talk their ex than someone who did. nothing wrong with saying good things about the ex, but if they are clearly still pining over them, then yea... they are not over it. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I think it is a warning sign when they talk aobut an ex too much - either negatively or positively. Both show that he isn't entirely 'over her'. And yea, to the OP, if it has been six years you would think he would have gotten over some of this. And at a minimum, he should clearly know that it is not exactly good practice to keep talking about an ex in front of a new person he is dating. I'd come right out and ask him next time he mentions her "are you over X"? And if he says yes why then just say "you speak of her an awful lot and it seems like you are not really over her". I'd want to see how he responds to this. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I'd come right out and ask him next time he mentions her "are you over X"? And if he says yes why then just say "you speak of her an awful lot and it seems like you are not really over her". I'd want to see how he responds to this. I did this and he said he didn't even like her anymore ( he was the one who broke up with her as well). he stopped hanging out with her, stopped talking to her, said he foudn her annoying.. etc Sorry to add on to this thread... I think Jadedstar is right... there is no need to talk about an ex, positive or negative too much... Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 This is clearly a red flag, he definitely shows signs that he still has feelings for his ex. It amazes me sometimes how people can be so oblivious to the fact that they are on a date with someone else for a reason. If his ex, hence the word ex, was so great, why did they break up in the first place? Also, it has been six years since they've broken up, not six months. Clearly six years should be more than enough time to get over someone. Don't bother comparing yourself with his ex, the problem clearly lies within himself and not you. I would strongly stay away from this guy, why would you ever feel like playing second fiddle? Go find someone worth your while, and treat you as top priority. Link to comment
purpleduckie Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 some guys are just that clueless and they don't know what to talk about ... or they're just used to talking about their ex. i bring my ex in my conversations a lot after we broke up. just out of habit. like "me and ____, went here and did _____." or "ohohhh ____ would like that". trust me, i was way over him. i was over him before the relationship was over. it's just a habit more than anything. i'd just tell him that it's annoying and a turn off. next time he says anything about his ex. say "oh really? tell me more about her. PLEASE. dying to know. really..." Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 he's either really dumb or he isn't over her. Link to comment
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