Daligal83 Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I've been posting about this guy. We've been friends for a year, his sister is one of my closest friends. A couple weeks ago we crossed that line where it was not just friends and I thought something might happen. A little over a week later he tells me that he doesn't want anything serious and he shouldn't have led me on. I'm not upset about not dating him, it probably wouldn't have worked now that I think about it. He's young, different lifestyle and is leaving for the summer. But we haven't talked since. I feel like if he cared about our friendship at all, he should be trying to do something to maintain it, but I haven't heard anything from him. I miss talking to him and having him as a friend and I don't know why since he obviously doesn't care as much about it as I do. I'm worried that I'm going to breakdown and contact him, which I don't want to do. I'm not the one who is in the wrong here. I need some support. Link to comment
Clarity Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 He might think it's too soon to start the friendship back up. Whenever a guy think he's leading a girl on, if he's a nice guy, he'll give her space - maybe that's what he's doing? Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 I don't know...I'm not sure if he is a nice guy. He knew he was leading me on and chose to do it anyway because he really likes talking to me. At first I was pissed and decided I didn't need a friend like that. So why am I missing being friends with him now? I shouldn't want someone in my life who would treat me disrespectfully like that. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 You said he is younger, he could be embarrassed...or lacks the maturity to 'right' the situation at this point.. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 Should I reach out then? I feel like my pride won't let me. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 sounds to me like you don't have enough closure. i'm having a hard time believing you actually miss his 'friendship'. you've known him a year and you don't know if he's a nice guy? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Ghost may be onto something: have you heard of or seen him in other dating situations and how he treated other girls? This can be a huge tip off if he's relationship material of not at the moment too. Also, how he's treated girls in the past. I'd expect that if he felt your friendship meant alot he would be reaching out. At least he'd TRY. Should I reach out then? I feel like my pride won't let me. I wouldn't reach out. You felt pissed when he said he just didn't see things getting serious. If you reach out now I have a feeling he'll think it was "ok" to just take it further and then suddenly be honest and say he just liked talking to you. Give it a few more days then see how it goes. Have you spoken to his sis yet? Did she have anything to say about it all? Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 Well I thought he was a good guy, but then how he handled the situation made me feel otherwise. I just don't know if he's a good guy who made a mistake or if he's a jerk who played me. My coworker was saying she thinks that he is embarrassed and doesn't know how to handle the situation. I haven't really seen him date other girls. Just one briefly and he said he ended it cause she kept telling him how much she liked him all the time and it was a turn off. I think they dated for like three weeks casually. His sister hasn't said anything. I don't know if she will or if she's talked to him about it. I know she saw him over the weekend because they both went home. Here's how the convo went if it helps at all. This is right after he told me he was going home for the weekend. me (10:23:13 PM): aww that sucks, i was hoping we'd get a chance to hang out this weekend him (10:26:51 PM): yes we do need to hang out but ive done some thinking lately and i dont think we should get serious. and i should have probably not led you on and im sorry about that. him (10:27:48 PM): i do enjoy talking but i just doint think that im in a position where i can give you or a relationship/dating the time that you deserve me (10:34:02 PM): i appreciate the honesty, but i'm pretty surprised. not that i expected a serious relationship anytime soon, but i kind of wish i had known this before i spent the night at your place him (10:35:18 PM): ik and i hope you know i wasnt planning on having you stay over... it just happened you know. me (10:37:37 PM): i know but there was definitely things going on aside from me spending the night, so it's just a little confusing. especially since i feel like if i hadn't have said anything about hanging out, when would you have told me this? him (10:40:37 PM): well i was planning on seeing you thins weekend before i got so sick and was going to tell you then. im sorry for leading you on. it was real * * * * ty of me me (10:41:57 PM): i'm not going to lie, i wish you had realized this before anything happened between us...but i'm glad you told me me (10:47:48 PM): i have to ask...why were you doing all of that stuff if you knew that you didn't want anything? Like IMing me everyday, calling me over the weekend...you just called me sweet stuff tonight lol him (10:50:12 PM): haha idk what im doing. i really enjoy talking to you and the sweet stuff was just spontaneous idk. me (10:51:57 PM): but you had to know the impression it was giving me me (10:52:12 PM): and i'm not mad that you don't want anything serious, i get that me (11:02:42 PM): ok then...i'm heading to bed. have a good night him (11:03:31 PM): me too. im sorry again him (11:03:48 PM): good night Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 move on. he's not interested. if he even is, he's weird and very indecisive. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I think this happens in every case where two people 'break up' even tho in your case it wasn't raelly a dating scenario...but the rule still applies. Anytime we move on from someone who was a friend, be it a dating partner or in your case a friend that turned 'intimate' - even if only for one night - missing that friendship that ensued prior is going to occur. Even people who broke up with really "bad" b/f's who treated them like crap - even they can miss the friendship and good times so it goes w/out saying you'd miss his friendship even tho you feel he cruelly led you on. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 I know he's not interested in dating me. After all that I wouldn't want to date him anyway. I know that was just a line because if you truly want to be with someone, you find a way. Ghost, do you mean he's not interested even as a friend? That's all I'm talking about here, friendship. Jaded, you have a good point. It's hard to let go of that connection. Since it wasn't an actual dating scenario, what are your thoughts on reaching out to reestablish the friendship? Also, it's likely I will see him again since I'm so close to his sister. We watch most of the football games together (even though that's far away). Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 even if he is okay with being a friend, why would you do that to yourself? you saw more and from what i gather who you speak about him, you still do want more than friendship. i think you should move on altogether and find a new guy to date and be friends with at the same time. i've dated a lot and knew some girls that i could just kick it with instead, but i don't keep them around after the connection went further. would you be okay when another girl comes around and he dates her? what if he called you for intimate advice with a girl? i mean, you'd be friends right? Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Good points ghost. And I know I deserve a better friend than that. I think my issue is that I don't get dates and I don't have a ton of male friends. I've been single for almost a year and have had three blind dates that didn't work out and this one situation. So it's harder for me to just let it go when I don't have many other opportunities. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Good points ghost. And I know I deserve a better friend than that. I think my issue is that I don't get dates and I don't have a ton of male friends. I've been single for almost a year and have had three blind dates that didn't work out and this one situation. So it's harder for me to just let it go when I don't have many other opportunities. this is the worst reason to hang onto someone else. and you don't have to have male friends to get dates. meet strangers. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 I didn't mean to connect those two. I mean that it's hard to move on just like that because I realistically could go for 6 months without another date. And it's hard for me not to miss his friendship because I don't have a lot of male friends, so his absence is more apparent. I talked to strangers all the time...but I can't make it happen with guys for some reason. Unless it's the right situation. And even when I can it doesn't turn into anything. It's not just that easy for everyone. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 So I'm sad this morning... I wake up and see that his away message says "miss u" which probably means that he's seeing someone here. He's home on spring break. So I got played. The pathetic and hurt side of me would hope that he saw facebook pictures that just went up last night of my weekend (posted by my friend, not me) and that made him miss me and that message is for me....but logically I know that's not the case. It just makes me feel like crap. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 can you ignore this guy somehow? i wouldn't read into the internet anything. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 I'm not ready to take him off my buddy list. I'm just going to let it go. Either he's seeing someone and is a huge jerk or it was meant for me and he's being too passive. I feel better after my personal training session I feel like I can just kick his butt if he really is a jerk haha. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I'm not ready to take him off my buddy list. I'm just going to let it go. Either he's seeing someone and is a huge jerk or it was meant for me and he's being too passive. I feel better after my personal training session I feel like I can just kick his butt if he really is a jerk haha. that's not really letting go. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 True. And I can't just let it go. And I don't know why. Usually when I feel like someone doesn't treat me well, friend or dating situation, I have no problem letting it go. I hate that this is still getting to me. And I feel like at some point, one of us HAS to say something. We can't avoid each other forever since I hang out with his sister all the time. I just don't know how to go about it or how long to wait since apparently he's not going to do it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 (((HUGS))) i would go no contact from him. i think things sound a bit too awkward at this point to have a friendship with him. maybe in a month or two, you can be his buddy again, but for now, no way. he will be away this summer, so that is good too, you'll have some time away from him. hang in there. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 I'm having a really hard time not saying anything. I feel like I have no closure and I can't move on without it. If I send him a message and he acts like a jerk still, then I'll know he never actually cared and I can move on. Even though it would really hurt. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 hm - i guess, you have to get closure yourself. it sounds like he just isn't your future boyfriend, sounds like he may or may not have something going on with some other woman, and he's definitely shown a level of emotional intelligence that is WAAAY under yours. you strike me as really bright, someone in touch with her feelings, and i think you should have a guy who is good at communication also. This guy just doesn't sound like he has the communication thing together, nor does he seem to want a real relationship. so i'd just be thankful it's over and now you are one step closer to the right one. i wouldn't worry about him. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Oh I don't want to date him! I mean I honestly still have feelings for him, but I know he's way too immature to date. I just miss talking with him and being friends. That's what I'm looking to reestablish, but I'm worried he doesn't even care about being friends. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 i think if you wait a few weeks, and then send a message asking how his semester is going. i would give some time to let the dust settle. Link to comment
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