Jump to content

out of your league?


isittolate

Recommended Posts

had an interesting convo w/ very good friend of opposite sex the other day. He said he'd probably never approach me cuz he would think i was out of his league. DO men really still feel like this? I know this has been posted before but I would love to see us revisit this. Now, I am not like super hot in my eyes, certainly not a 10. I dress very modestly because i cant stand attracting the wrong kind of attention. If a guy wants to look, I would prefer hims start w/ my eyes and then strike a conversation, not just stare at my figure or skin. So, i asked him how i could go about being in someone's league. He didnt give me a direct answer but he did say I may have to do the initiating. I'm an introvert so this would be difficult. I would hate to miss the right guy cuz he felt this way. It really upset me to here people really feel this way. Any suggestions?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sure, there may be some guys that felt that they were not in your league. However, there are some guys who will still try to approach you just to see if they have a shot. Don't worry too much about it, just be yourself and I'm sure you will eventually find someone suitable for you. Heck, if you see someone that you are interested in, there is nothing wrong with making the first initiation, same goes for vice versa. Worst case scenario, they are not interested. Life goes on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I confess - this seems very odd to me. I'd think that the average woman would be ecstatic about a man not approaching her because of believing she is out of his league, because it saves her from having to avoid and/or reject an inferior guy. In fact I'd expect the average woman to have more of a problem with the guys that DO approach women who are out of their league.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not at all, b/c then all u wind up with is the guys who are full of themselves, arrogant, lookin for bootycalls, ect? right, i guess i am just sayin i dont believe in leagues. I am very shy, have been out of the dating scene for long time, and i want the right guy to approach me, and that maybe the sweet guy who thinks i am out of his league. I guess maybe i am just askin for tips on how to become more approachable or notice if a guy feels this way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not at all, b/c then all u wind up with is the guys who are full of themselves, arrogant, lookin for bootycalls, ect? right, i guess i am just sayin i dont believe in leagues. I am very shy, have been out of the dating scene for long time, and i want the right guy to approach me, and that maybe the sweet guy who thinks i am out of his league. I guess maybe i am just askin for tips on how to become more approachable or notice if a guy feels this way.

 

 

 

I love this topic. As a teen I was pretty shy and all hot girls were ”out of my league” but as I got older I began to get more confident. I had a female roommate who had a friend she had gone to collage with and when I expressed some interest, my friend told me “don’t waist your time she is so “out of your league”. Well this girl and another friend were planning to stay at our place after a few cocktails. And because my roommate’s boyfriend was being a jerk she was driving him home. These two beautiful women were in the process of getting comfortable on a futon on the floor when I got the crazy Idea, I poked my head into my roommates room and said” You can both sleep on that if you want, or if you behave your selves you can join me in my water bed” they both grabbed their pillows and blew past me like a couple of giddy teenagers wearing only panties and tshirts. I slid in the middle and just waited for my roommate to come home, to not only find the one girl in my bed, but both of them! I didn’t try anything but they did both tend to be cudlers while they were sleeping.

 

As for your question, that’s easy, I promised my teenage daughter if she would leave boys alone I would give her the secret after she graduates from collage. (Didn’t work she figured it out on her own) Eye contact and a smile, It only has to last a second. But if you see a guy you are interested in and he looks your way hold his eye contact give a little smile before you break it off and you have sent a very strong message. If the guy is so shy that he wont give you the chance then he’s probably too shy to attract you anyway. be care ful, hold it too long and you send too strong of a message.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have seen guys do this but it seems to be the guys who dont have much self confidence and have a self defeatist attitude, this also happens with guys that are shy. I think of the situation this way, she is just another person regardless of her attractivness, intelligence or whatever else. It seems to me that people have a tendency to build others up in their mind just because of the way they feel about that person or they are extremely attracted to eachother.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guys are strictly visual and we tend to resist falling for a girl that we don’t find visually appealing, (yes we are pigs) Not to worry tastes do very, no matter the size or shape there are guys who do find it attractive. Women are different; women can become attracted to a guy that she falls for that she didn’t initially find attractive. I think the best proof of this is look at the wedding pics in the paper, I know they are extra dolled up but it still amazes me to see how often a beautiful woman will be married to a, well, lets just say a guy who was not in her league.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe in leagues. Hot girls get tons of offers from a whole range of guys. Why on earth would one want me when she could get Mr. Beautiful or Mr. Huge D**k or any other Mr. that i'm not?

 

The only girls that would want me are the ones that cant get the above said Mr. ______

 

Edit: I hate how i view life in such a pessimistic way, but this seems to be how it is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe in leagues. Hot girls get tons of offers from a whole range of guys. Why on earth would one want me when she could get Mr. Beautiful or Mr. Huge D**k or any other Mr. that i'm not?

 

The only girls that would want me are the ones that cant get the above said Mr. ______

 

Because they're all d*ckheads and you're not? I once dated a very hot girl who fell for me big time because she felt I had strong integrity, unlike the guys she usually hooked up with. Ironically I left her cos she was nuts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe in leagues. Hot girls get tons of offers from a whole range of guys. Why on earth would one want me when she could get Mr. Beautiful or Mr. Huge D**k or any other Mr. that i'm not?

 

The only girls that would want me are the ones that cant get the above said Mr. ______

 

Edit: I hate how i view life in such a pessimistic way, but this seems to be how it is.

 

 

I thought that way at your age.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm getting sick of hearing about this "league" BS. There's no telling what kind of man a woman will be attracted to, and by saying a woman is out of your league, two things are happening:

 

1. You are saying you aren't good enough to get what you want (what a terrible attitude to have), and

2. You are taking yourself out of the game before you even have a chance to play.

 

Believe what you will about "leagues", but if you don't approach that girl you like, your chances with them are exactly zero.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes. I think a lot of guys feel this way about certain girls. I have certainly been intimidated by some girls at times. If she’s really gorgeous, has a lot of guy friends and is always getting attention it’s hard to imagine she could ever genuinely be happy with just you. You always think the guy she is talking to is probably more to her liking and a better catch than you are.

 

I guess it’s low self esteem or something. I know a girl that is just beautiful, as in could be a model beautiful. She has the photos to prove it. I would never approach her and ask her out. I could never see her saying yes to me.

 

She has flirted with me before as well, but I just would never have the guts. I can’t imagine her ever being satisfied with me especially because I know some of the guys she has dated. These guys are studs, they’re wealthy etc. I would be crushed if I got with her and she dumped me for someone she liked more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think guys are out of my league when they are notably more attractive than I consider myself, because I think, they can pull girls who are hotter than me, so why would they want to settle with just me?

 

I think it works the same way with guys. Leagues to me seem to be mainly based off of physical attractiveness. Most people want to date someone equally or more attractive than themself.

 

However, I think leauges can be about other factors. If a guy goes to a better college maybe he's out of my league, or if he's traveled everywhere, or is hugely popular and has a million friends, etc. I think most people in relationships match up with looks, education, etc, so when you see someone who to your standards is higher up than you, you just assume you couldn't get them and it wouldn't work out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not at all, b/c then all u wind up with is the guys who are full of themselves, arrogant, lookin for bootycalls, ect? right, i guess i am just sayin i dont believe in leagues. I am very shy, have been out of the dating scene for long time, and i want the right guy to approach me, and that maybe the sweet guy who thinks i am out of his league. I guess maybe i am just askin for tips on how to become more approachable or notice if a guy feels this way.

 

 

The issue is the "sweet guy" might never approach you. If you limit yourself to the guys that approach you then those ARE the guys you will date.

 

Now for example if you notice a guy making eye contact with you but he isn't approaching you... well it wouldn't hurt to just say "hi" really. But the choice is up to you if you want to approach.

 

It is logical math really... You double your chances of meeting someone interesting if you approach too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I definitely believe in Leagues too.

 

My take on it being a shy/introvert myself is that a woman so pretty must be taken, or at the least have plenty of people asking her out to have her pick and I'm nothing. "Why should I bother going through the embarrassment and emotional hit of it all for such low changes?"

 

So yes it does come down to self-value really, and well, quite frankly I don't have any self confidence (when it comes to attraction/girls) to the point where I think even girls I'm not even attracted to wouldn't be interested. As I've mentioned a few times elsewhere now, I've got no evidence to put myself at a higher "league".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dude I should think that leagues don't really apply from a girl's perspective. If you're interested, just drop some hints. I suspect there would be not many guys willing to turn down a friendly conversation with a girl.

 

Leagues are metaphors for guys to catagorise girls on different levels of attractiveness vs. their own. In any case I suspect girls don't think like this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are plenty of men out there who WILL approach a female he finds attractive. If a woman is not getting approached it isn't due to being out of everyone's 'league'. Sure some timid men will fall back and not approach but many will not care.

 

I think this is something that people decide to believe but for what reason i am still not sure. Attractive women get hit on all the time, thus, this saying that she must be too 'intimidating' or out of someone's league when she is never hit on never holds much weight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

these were all great replies! u guys rock. For those guys who said they believe in leagues... stop it right now! by nature, old-fashioned-ness, or whatever, girls tend to be the ones who like to be the approachee, not approacher. So next time u see me (or her), come talk to me damn it! I promise i will not bite! I dont believe in leagues, looks only get u so far. I want to know someone who is great underneath as well. I wish this is how everyone felt and viewed people. But until then... oh btw ghost, i love ur replies, but some consider dating a sport

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I dont believe in leagues, looks only get u so far. I want to know someone who is great underneath as well. I wish this is how everyone felt and viewed people.

 

Alas, the problem is that a lot of people don't feel about and view people in this way, and that means women. You don't have to look very far even in this very forum to find women complaining about their embarrassment about being approached by guys who outwardly "aren't good enough" for them, and not caring to find out what was underneath. That is a league by definition, and these women felt those guys were not in theirs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not everyone thinks like that. "Out of my league" is not a phrase that occurs to me. Period.

 

Those that think that way IMO are insecure, lack self-confidence, and likely lack experience with women.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I second Nutz's response. "Out of my league" is an excuse, a cover-up for insecurity and lack of experience.

 

Typically a concern of younger people. Older, more experienced people tend to be less shallow and less focused on looks. I mean, looks are /always/ important to a certain extent, but give me a break. Attractive people do not deserve to be put on pedestals simply for the sake of being "attractive", or whatever.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think for most people, everyone has their own definition of who is in their own 'league.

 

For example:

 

You have two guys - both are let's say 40 years old, single and both sitting at the bar with a very available 36 year old woman whom they both find attractive.

 

Guy A is a blue collar construction worker. He dresses like a guy who just got off the job. Not that polished, but he is attractive enough....jeans are a bit worn, maybe even a tad bit of construction dust on his shirt. He had a really good year this yaer with his own business - built up some clientele that lent him towards upward of $80k on last year's W2. Grammar is a bit choppy but he speaks well enough.

He drives a pretty mean looking 2008 Ford F150.

 

Guy B is an office professional, works in the corporate accounting department of a local firm. Attractive enough looking guy. Dresses very well. Nice shoes. Nice starched shirt, creased khaki's. He earns about $80k per year. Fairly well spoken, loves the english language and as such has an impressive vocabulary. He drives a 2008 Volvo.

 

Both guys make the same, are the same age, and attractive enough as far as average looks go. Who will this 36 year old attractive lady likely lean toward?

 

We can't answer that can we? It depends on what SHE views as attractive. If she has come from a blue collar background, or maybe she is white collar but feels more comfortable with blue collar (maybe dad was a construction worker) she will likely migrate more toward guy A. If she is not comfortable with blue collar and only has hob knobbed with the professional class, she will likely gravitate toward guy B. IN this case the construction worker might feel he is out of her league, and in this case, for THIS lady, perhaps he is.

 

Leagues are usually created in one's own mind and many people have them even when they don't knowingly realize it. We as humans gravitate toward people we feel most comfortable with and something about that person locked us into their gaze...sometimes it is innate and we can't describe it. That is how attraction is. Thta is why it is almost an impossible exercise to tell a group of guys who are looking for tips on picking up women how to go about it since each woman is different.

 

Then you have your outliers which tend to be women who typicallY ONLY date upward...either she ONLY goes for the money or ONLY goes for the hottie. Or you have the other outlier - she is pretty insecure and she ONLY goes for guys she can feel the most confident around and they are either lower on the financial totem pole then she or the looks scale.

 

We can never know what is lurking in the mind of said woman in any circumstance but by and large people are attracted to and gravitate towards those most similar to themselves, except for your outliers as described. That is why most couples have that same 'attractive likeness" in regards to their appearance, i.e. they likely are on the same elusive scale....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...