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I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel...


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Does anyone ever feel like they are never going to finish school?

 

I am 22 years old, I should have been done with college by now. I was married when I was 19 and of course at that time because of financial struggles or some other BS excuse I could never focus 100% on school. I was married for three and a half years and the last year and a half I put more effort into school, not because I had to but because I am truly passionate about getting my education. I recently got divorced and of course the first thing on my list is to finish school once and for all.

 

However, I feel like I am loosing every shred of hope that I have for my future. I work full time at a law firm and even though I like my job it is not what I see myself doing for the rest of my life. I come in at 5 in the morning and get out at 4 PM I am in school from 5:15-10:00 PM, four days a week. Due to the divorce I am going through I can't afford to work part time...I have car payments, rent payments, insurance payments...and so on..

 

I go to class everyday even if I feel exhausted, and I believe that the one thing that really helps me out is the fact that thank God I have a good memory. I tend to capture things pretty quickly. I also record all my lectures when the instructors allow me to. My problem is when I have to get down to studying. I always plan to study all weekend but for some reason or another (not partying or anything of that sort) I am always pulled away from the time I have set aside for studying.

 

I live in my parents guest house, and just to give you a bit of my background my older brother died about 9 months ago and I have a sister who is 6 months pregnant. Things always come up...even if I try to steer clear. I mean isn't it my duty to try and help out as much as possible?

 

I just feel like I am loosing my mind because I have always been a straight A student, and now when I got to class I feel like I am going to get a fail because I am not getting enough study time. I feel like I come to class unprepared..

 

I don't know am I just taking on too much...I am taking 15 units and even though I know I can handle them when I am in class...when i get home I feel like I am doing too much, but I feel like if I don't take this many classes I am never going to finish school. I want to transfer to a four year university and finally obtain my degree... but like I said that seems more and more far away for me as the days go by...

 

I don't know am I overreacting? I could really use an outsiders perspective.

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I don't think you're overreacting at all. This is just new to you, there are tons of responsibilities and different obstacles to overcome, but I know that as soon as you get the hang of things, it will eventually get better. If you have faith in yourself, and know that this is what you want for yourself, you will definitely achieve it. Just keep it mind, if it does become overbearing, then handle as much as you can. Always remember, your health comes first. Who said there was a time limit that you have to finish school anyways? You're still young right now, have more faith in yourself and everything will work out in the long run. Good luck.

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ok well lets take a looksie at my situation. im taking 6 classes, i go to school 5 days a week from 9am to 3pm. I get home at 3:45, then I go to work at 4:30. usually get out of work at 9-10pm. go home, do homework till freakin 2-3am, the go to sleep. this is every mon-fri.

 

also, fri-sun I work at my other job which is at night, and i usually go to bed at 7am and get up at 5pm then have to be at work at 9pm on the wkends.

 

I have no life, the only girls I really can talk to are the women at my jobs. add all of this plus worrying about my ex and I = ridiculous stress.

 

just trying to show u that u dnt have it that bad

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Supp11,

 

Ok, I see where you are going, and believe me I know that there are people out there who have it worse than I do. How do you find the time to study? I also know what you mean about the no having a life part I don't either and just like you the only people that I talk to are my co-workers...

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Just remember, there was/is always someone who had it much worse, and still come through.

 

Honestly, im not the "studying type". I just listen very well during lectures, and I can brush up for about an hr or two the day before a test, and I do well. Its the homework that kills me, beause I will be up very late trying to finish it. You do not have to be a straight A student, so stop being hard on yourself.

 

Why not drop a class? I had to last semester, and it was like a load was taken off my shoulders.

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Thank you so much for your advice supp11. I think I might just do that, because lately school has been feeling like an obligation for me. I don't want it to feel that way, I love to learn.

 

I guess I just have so many expectations of myself...I really need to slow my role and just take some time to breathe...

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I commend you on all your hard work. You're obviously busting butt for something you truly want. But...

 

There's always a but...

 

Sometimes people are driven for the wrong reasons. Drivenness can come from a belief that you need some accomplishment to define your self-worth. As much as it might make sense that such a belief is beneficial, it's actually quite harmful. And the more a person lives life in this manner, the more deeply that belief presses into their definition of self. If someone is always looking to the achievement of a goal for their happiness, then they're doomed to never be happy.

 

So what I'm saying is, keep your goal of finishing school, but do it slow. Don't worry if it takes until you're 30. Take one or two classes at a time. If you don't let your goals define you, then they'll be joys to undertake and not burdens.

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Very sorry for your loss of your brother.

 

Is this a lock-step program where you can't limit the number of units per term? If not, you're learning practical reasons for pacing yourself instead of trying to finish fast. It's sort of a 'fast versus good' choice you get to make.

 

Your grades depend on how well you work the material both in class and outside; not just in terms of studying for tests, but also in preparing papers and presentations. It all takes time--and that's why limiting your units can land you better grades. Besides, finishing faster in a bad economy isn't necessarily preferable because the best job for your new qualifications may not open up until the market is less competitive.

 

Why not ease up your schedule a bit? Running yourself to the ground can be the kind of education you don't really want. A degree earned through a rushed process devoid of energy and joy for the learning may not be as valuable as the process itself could be.

 

In your corner.

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Thank you so much everyone, your suggestions mean so much to me. You are all right, and I think that I really need to lighten my load. The funny thing is I see that all of my friends finished their degrees very quickly and it turns out that they absolutely hate what they went into. I guess sometimes, subconsciously I conform to society. That standard that says that you should be done with school by a certain age.

 

I am going to make it a point to do what I want because of the right reasons...

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I don't know am I just taking on too much

 

Yes is the short answer. Way too much. I often do 20hr days, but in reasonably pleasant circumstances some of the time at least, and to counterbalance it I sometimes do 2hr days as well, and try as hard as I can not to work at weekends. If you're working at intensive legal work/study 5am-10pm every day, and attempting to study all weekend as well, you will simply collapse at some point, and it will all be lost. This is particularly important because you need time away from work, and an adequate amount of sleep, to actually consolidate the things you need to remember, otherwise you will forget them quickly.

 

I'm not quite sure what your financial situation is, and how it is related to the divorce, but there must be some loan-based alternative for you here. Many people at college have car, insurance and rent payments (the three things you mentioned), but don't work full-time, so it's worth at least seriously considering other options. If you continue the way you're going, your classes will suffer as they are starting to, and you will suffer, and things will not work out well in the long-run.

 

Working hard is good, but what you're currently trying to achieve is impossible for most people.

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Thank you everyone for all your responses...now I am just wondering is it worth it to be stuck in a job you wont be doing for the rest of your life. I mean I ask because like I said I am 22 and I want to enjoy life...I want to study abroad...is it worth it to do what you want and just "screw" your responsibilities?

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