LMPDAD Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I posted a few months back with some more details, but I have recently found out that my exwife had remarried to her affair partner without telling anyone shortly after our divorce was final. We have shared custody of a 2-1/2 year old son and she has a 10 year old daughter. We were married for 5 years and I suspect that affair was going on for at least the last year in our marriage at least emotionally. She had been living with her now husband in the house we shared together when we separated (with her telling me the separation was to work on our marriage, she was having the affair in our home). * * * ?? I was a good husband to her. In full disclosure I did have a bit of a porn habit that got worse as our marriage got worse and she claimed after the affair that it was my fault our marriage fell apart. She never told me she knew about my habit or that it was bothering her, giving me the chance to fix it. She told me she didn't even realize it was a problem until after the affair.... Other than that I was a loving, helpful, dedicated hard working husband/father to her. Even she told her father I was a great husband.. I don't understand. It seems very unfair to me that she ends up taking away everything I had. She has never showed any remorse to anyone, me, her family or the kids and we were all lied to... Thoughts anyone? Is the one of the lucky ones who will beat the odds? I feel like it's all my fault. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 It sounds like she is really impulsive to marry him so soon after the divorce. It should just confirm to you that they had an affair and certainly are not thinking clearly. You are best just trying to keep things civil for the sake of your child, and putting this behind you and healing... you can't undo what happened, but you can be a good and loving father to your child, and work on healing and finding a new person for yourself rather than focusing on your ex. Link to comment
Rabican Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 she told you the porn was a problem after the affair because at some point she realized she could make up a crazy story like the porn was worse than the affair and thats why she did it... all rubbish and nonsense. Secondly, just avoid her as much as you possibly can. have a good relationship with your kid, but avoid her. And Id either avoid 'him' or kick the crap out of him for doing what he did. Id get over the whole cheating thing... but paying for their house.... eh no that wouldnt fly with me. Fisticuff time if you ask me. Link to comment
odile Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Totally not your fault inasmuch as nobody can make somebody else cheat. Perhaps there were problems in your marriage, but it was up to her to communicate her grievances before traipsing off to someone else. You haven't lost anything, dear. You deserve to be with someone who knows herself well enough to communicate, takes responsibility for herself, and is mature enough to acknowledge her own transgressions. If she was unhappy, she should have let you know. Cheating is never acceptable. Look for someone who either shares (or at least understands) your appetite for porn, or else someone who is so perfectly compatible with you that you find you no longer need it. Link to comment
jdpreacher Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 My divorce was final in August, I remarried on December 23rd to someone I met in September, my ex married her guy before the 8th of December. I know they had an EA for awhile even though she denied it and I believe they probably had a physical affair as well but can't prove it and don't care. My wife is pregnant and I'm happier than I have ever been in my 40 years on the planet so you do get through this, you do heal and you never fully understand much of anything at times but there eventually comes a point where it doesn't matter. Your happiness and the well being of your kids far outweighs anything or anyone else. Blessed Be, Preacher Link to comment
Casey13 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Check in with her in about a year and she will probably be divorced from this guy maybe even crawling back to you. Impulsive actions in relationships almost always lead to bad out comes and many times one learns that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side but by then its too late. Link to comment
RobD70 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Check in with her in about a year and she will probably be divorced from this guy maybe even crawling back to you. Impulsive actions in relationships almost always lead to bad out comes and many times one learns that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side but by then its too late. True, odds are it won't last. My father did this twice in his life and the first time lasted only 2 weeks and the second lasted all of 9 months. He was a slow learner and ended up re-marrying his ex wife after the 9 month stint. Link to comment
odile Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 True, odds are it won't last. My father did this twice in his life and the first time lasted only 2 weeks and the second lasted all of 9 months. He was a slow learner and ended up re-marrying his ex wife after the 9 month stint. Wow, RobD70, when was that? Are they still happily together? The way I see it, if someone is that slow of a learner, and takes their commitments so lightly, then I'm not sure I'd want him back, anyway! Your dad's a lucky chap, hopefully he'll prove himself this time around. Link to comment
LostSpartan Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Horrible... Horrible... Horrible... She is going to get what's coming to her. People like that really make me sick. Why would ANYONE marry anyone they were sneaking around to spend time with on a daily basis??? Idiots!!! Keep your cool man. One day at a time. Trust me man. That crap will not last. By the time you find another woman, get serious enough to propose the right way. I promise she is going to be single again trying to get back with you. Just cut all contact man. It's going to be rough but you can get past it. Link to comment
odile Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Why would ANYONE marry anyone they were sneaking around to spend time with on a daily basis??? If his ex-wife lied to him, she was probably lying to the new guy, too. I'd be willing to bet money that she was hedging her bets before sealing any sort of commitment. Not that her idea of 'commitment' holds much water. Feel sorry for the new guy, cos the ex sounds like a bloodsucking vampire Link to comment
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