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How would you feel?... What would you do?


livinginsbi
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

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I had something happen yesterday evening that was very hurtful. I'll try to make this short enough to read, without you losing interest.

 

I have a friend, A. A is male. He and I have a well established 'friends only' relationship, which both of us recognize. We talk often, mostly via IM. So, A went out to lunch with a female friend of his, B.. I know of B and I know that while B has a boyfriend, A would like for more to happen there.

 

Their lunch date was at noon. I had an event happen in the afternoon, not related to this issue, and was feeling rather sad and wanted to talk to A. Around 7pm, I checked to see if A was online, he was not. So I text-ed A and asked if he was home yet, that I really needed to talk to him. He texted back..what's wrong? Since he texted me back, I knew he wasn't home, and I asked.. are you still out on your lunch date (this is seven hours later) after no response I said, never mind I got my answer ( his lack of response). Instead of him saying.. I'm busy now, can we talk later, or something like that, which I would have understood, he keeps texting me and I keep responding,. so I"m thinking, it's ok to text him.

 

Then, he starts sending me statements that are totally out of character for him. Statements that 'could' have indicated that he had more than 'just friends' feelings for me. I even texted him "what the hell are you doing" and "you realize your talking to livinginsbi, right".. his response was.. I know.. and a couple other 'out of character statements' come accross.

 

Thankfully, I read those text statements with some disbelief and a couple of hours later, after he got home and we were IM-ing, I questioned what he had texted me and he admitted that B told him to say those statements that I was questioning and that B actually composed a couple of the texts, herself... with me believing that I was conversing with my friend, not her.

 

I was incredibly hurt that my friend would betray my trust like that. Evidently, text messages are not meant to be between two people and it's OK to act like someone else? Don't get me wrong.. I realize that it can and will happen.. It's the fact that someone I considered a good friend of mine would do that to me. He has apologized, and I'm sure he is sorry, but at this point, I don't feel I can trust him anymore.. and I can't have a friendship with someone I can't trust.

 

So, am I overreacting here? I feel like I'm in the middle of some jr high school drama or something... ludacris for someone my age.. but the hurt is real and I hate losing a friend... but I don't know what else to do. Any ideas?

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I agree with Ballys on this one.

 

If he is so impressionable and willing to treat you like crap to impress someone else, he is not your good friend. A friend maybe, but not one you could trust.

 

Sorry to hear this.

I've had friends like this before and had to walk away.

If they do it once, they will do it again.

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I know he feels badly about it.. but it's the whole trust issue.

 

One of my best friends in high school betrayed me and she and I never recovered from that... we still talk, mostly on facebook, but I have never trusted her since. If he and I ever get to the 'friend' point again.. it will be a surface friendship, at best. Pity...

 

Well live and learn, right?

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I have discovered in my 29 years on this planet (what??? that most people do end up disappointing you eventually. I'm the glass half full girl these days...i try...however, being comfy with your own company rules friendships and relationships and Significant Others. Those connections are just icing on the cake, and if they don't pan out moving on shouldn't be difficult.

 

Living for YOU is always a perfect guarantee for success.

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I think I'd feel the same in your shoes. Call me sensitive but I need a friend/person I can trust to keep on opening up to them.

If they where to send me (or LET someone else send) stuff like that, I think it's safe to say they kind of feel the same as what their "friend" texted?

It would make me insecure about the friendship and make me think they thought those things but just didn't have the balls to say it to my face.

 

I remember once my friend was getting to know this girl. He used to like me too and wanted things to go further but we stayed friends. Hung out alot. One night we where hanging out and the girl was texting him. And he was complaining to me how she was too serious, asked alot, etc. That's when he allowed me to text her and we had a laugh at her expense (not something I'm proud of but you live and learn.)

Now they are together. But like I said, at that time he let me text that stuff b/c he felt it was funny too or he felt the same as me about her. Me, I'd never met her and was just going by what he told me.

 

I'm not saying this is the same exact case with your friend, but it's something to keep in mind.

 

COuld also be that he didn't have the guts to stop her in fear that she might think you both have a thing for each other so he let her do it.

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Well he had a couple of reasons.. one being that I kept texting him while he was having dinner with her...and she was wondering what was going on.. or something like that.. so I gather instead of telling me.. that he was busy... or something of that nature, indicating he didn't want to keep texting... he shared my texts with her and allowed her to respond to them...without my knowledge.

 

Now that I think about it, the night before he also made this statement while we were chatting that really threw me...something that was out of character for him to say... now I wonder if she was behind that one as well. Suppose it doesn't matter at this point. Once bitten, twice shy.

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